Starting a FWB relationship

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ww_Crimson, Feb 2, 2009.

  1. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    Long story short a girl I know was over tonight and we were laying in my bed and kind of fell into the conversation of being friends with benefits. She said she was scared to get into anything with me because she thinks sex will complicate things (it usually does) and she also thinks that I won't be able to stay unattached. I told her I really felt the same about her because I'm used to girls being attached and clingy and that I didn't want that. She wants to still be able to go to clubs and what not, I want to still be able to hang out with my buddies on Fri/Sat nights with no obligations to her.

    For those of you who have been in a FWB situation what has your experience been? Does someone always get hurt in the end? Was it you or them (male or female)?

    We both agreed and made it very clear / important to each other that honesty is the most important thing here. If either of us meet someone else we're interested in then it will end. If either of us feel like we're getting attached it needs to be brought up.

    Personally I don't think I'll have much trouble with this but I'm sincerely afraid she will start to get attached.
     
  2. SRT910

    SRT910 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2005
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have had a few, i can differentiate sex and feelings very well it seems. Every single girl that wants to do it always seems to develop some type of attachment.

    The one girl who i thought wouldn't just buy her personality still did. It usually starts slow, just fucking, then they introduce small things, like have food then fuck, then go see a movie then have sex and develops from there.

    The thing that i dont understand still is this:
    A friend is someone you do things with like go shopping and stuff, movies someone to do things with. Benefits is to have sex so whats the difference between that and a girlfriend, I look at it more as either you see someone for sex, or you are in a relationship.

    The next point is if you meet someone your interested in then you will end it, doesn't that pretty much make your situation a relationship?

    Sorry if this doesnt answer your question, but i have thought about it a fair bit latley.
     
  3. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    4,729
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Twin Cities, MN
    Talk about it thoroughly beforehand, making sure you both are on the same page, and know what the other is thinking. Communication has been important in getting my FWB relationships to work. Don't discuss it so it sounds like an interview, but just make sure all rules and guidelines are placed in the open.

    If you both go thru with it, you need to make sure you control when the encounters happen. She will try to see you as frequently as she can. You cannot allow her to see you more than once a week, sometimes every other week. If you allow her to see you more than once a week she will start to become attached. See her at most 2-4 times a month.

    Ideally it is best to go to her place if possible. If she comes to your place all the time she will want to stay the night, all the time. You can only stay the night with her 1 out of 3-5 times. She will begin to get too attached if you stay the night together every time. It is important to get that extra cuddle/after sex lounging time only once in a while, but not too much. It's all about balance here, and controlling the flow of the FWB relationship. That's why going to her place is best because you can leave whenever you want to. NOT IMMEDIATELY after sex though. That's just being a jack ass and will make her think you're only using her. But 30-60 minutes afterwards you can get dressed and tell her you have to go.

    As for my experience, neither of us were hurt in the end because I played my cards right. I'm glad I had the chance with all of my FWB's. I can only assume they got what they wanted out of the relationship also because every FWB I've had ended up marrying the next guy they met and started a relationship with. So they broke off the FWB arrangement, and I was cool with that. All of them lasted about a year. I don't see FWB's lasting longer than that because I think it gets old to women after that and they end up wanting a commited relationship, which is probably why all of them ended up getting married after me, despite how great the sex was.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    I had a FWB situation that went great :dunno: We talked it all over beforehand and we each knew we'd just call when we wantd to get busy. Afterwards we'd hang out or leave :dunno: It was so simple.

    The minute it starts gtting complicated is the minute you call it quits.
     
  5. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    Your post does make sense but I'm inclined to disagree. She isn't a girl that I go to movies with, go shopping with, etc. I hang out with my guy friends to do all that shit, the only time I take a girl to do that is if we're dating. I say friends because I've known her a while, we talk about our problems to each other on occasion (it's nice having perspective from the opposite sex), she comes to parties with me and my other friends every now and then, etc. It is a relationship but not a romantic one. That's why I titled it FWB relationship.

    Sounds like you posted most the rules that you used which I appreciate but I think everyone's arrangement is different. We haven't had sex yet, just some minor fooling around. Everything will be laid out on the table and clear before anything more happens.

    That's pretty much how I expect this to work. I've got a busy ass schedule so it'll be nice to have some female company for a couple hours once a week. I like hanging out for a bit, but she won't be spending the night.
     
  6. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    4,729
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Twin Cities, MN
    I think it depends on how you handle it during the FWB relationship... I was very good friends with a couple of my past FWB's and there was no dramatic blow up in the end. I think that is what let us have the kind of successful FWB relationship we did. We were already so compatible on so many levels, the sex was the icing on the cake.
     
  7. fray

    fray New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    5,282
    Likes Received:
    0
    Do you guys differentiate between fuck buddies and fwb? I've always considered them separate entities.
     
  8. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,243
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    sex twice a week max. no sleepovers, no cuddling.
     
  9. LaurenAshley

    LaurenAshley We are all made of stars

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2008
    Messages:
    2,228
    Likes Received:
    0

    You have to have two personalities that would never mesh long term but only work together every once in a while. You can't do really sweet things that will make her want more with you. There are a few things that you might be able to get away with, but when it comes down with it, you really shouldn't like the girl in any sort of emotional way and she can't like you in any kind of emotional way either. Because if either of you do, it will probably lead to one of you liking the other down the line, and someone getting hurt. Both of you should not be looking for anything serious so that sounds like its already a given. Just be careful because these situations can get really sticky.
     
  10. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,333
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Awestralia
    I've never had a good end result with any of them.

    It's hard for detach sex from feelings for some people.
     
  11. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2001
    Messages:
    13,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lovely orlando
    yes, i do... :dunno:

    fuck buddy - guy i'd sleep with, but would never spend the night

    friends with benefits - guys that i was more friendly with (ie conversed with more than just about sex), hung out with some of them, and occassionally spent the night with them and/or them with me.

    my theory? put all the cards out on the table. you lay down the rules of the the "relationship." you can't help if someone gets attached. it is what it is. as long as you're straight forward and honest about everything, it comes with playing the game.

    yes, i've developed feelings for fwb's, and i've had guys develop feelings for me. it sucks, but you move on. you gotta remember what the relationship was all about in the first place ;)
     
  12. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    Yeah fortunately I can only handle this girl for a few hours at a time. She's fun to be around but she's a chatterbox and she's kind of ditzy sometimes which is a turnoff to me. Haven't seen her since I made this thread but when we talked she was like "no offense but I could never date you." Hope things work out. Live and learn I guess.

    :x:
     
  13. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2003
    Messages:
    8,692
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    best 18 months of my sexual life :)

    Yep. Fuck buddy = turn up, fuck, and leave. FWB is someone to hang out with and have sex too. My FWB was in my circle of friends and we'd all hang out as a group, a certain glance between us or brushing past a particular way and you knew it was on later. We'd cuddle and sleep over if the situation permitted and it worked fine, until she decided she needed to be in a relationship with someone rather than just fucking.
     
  14. LaurenAshley

    LaurenAshley We are all made of stars

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2008
    Messages:
    2,228
    Likes Received:
    0
    well if she said that.. then ha.. it could work! Just make sure she means it!
     
  15. snoodles

    snoodles New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2008
    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    like chica said, i've always though FB was someone you called up after the bars closed when you were drunk and wanted some, and a FWB was more, for a lack of better words, cuddly-ish (more than just sex; hanging out)
     
  16. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    Well it happened tonight.. We went to my buddies house to supposedly go into the hot tub with everyone and when we got there they had already gotten out. My buddy had to take his GF home so we all went across the street to our other friend's house.. Realized I left my bottle of alcohol sitting on his counter so we went back over to get it. I asked her if she wanted to get in the hot tub, she said no, I called her a pussy and started walking away. I got to the door and turned around to see why she wasn't behind me and she was in her bra and underwear waiting to get in the hot tub. That adventure seemed to go no where so I thought maybe she had changed her mind on everything.

    We went back across the street since my buddy still wasn't home and everyone there had gone to bed so we figured it was time for us to leave. When we got outside I was like "hmm I still kind of want to drink more" and she was like "you do?" and I was like "yea, care to join?". She ended up coming over and we shared one drink while sitting in my bed kind of just chatting and flirting a bit. Neither of us were really drunk but it progressed and we ended up fucking. Somewhere in there she had asked if I was getting attached to her and I said no which is what spurred things on. Literally five minutes after it happened she was like "I gotta get going," grabbed her shit and left.

    Looks like this might work out well after all.
     
  17. ASoT

    ASoT New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2007
    Messages:
    1,612
    Likes Received:
    0
    Just have a talk periodically to make sure you're both on the same page. Honesty is key.
     
  18. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    true
     

Share This Page