SRS Stagnant Friendships: worth doing something about them?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by daaarn, Jun 28, 2007.

  1. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    i have this friend who i've known since HS and we were really close. but lately (like last several months), we've kinda just drifted apart. when we talk it feels kinda forced now, and i find that we're often grasping for topics to talk about. even hanging out or finding something to do has become a chore it seems. it's weird, because when we first started to get to know each other well, we used to be able to talk for hours on end and even when we did "nothing" together it was fun. now i'm kinda left wondering if we've somehow taken our friendship as far as it can go. there just seems to be a lot of apathy on both ends and i'm wondering if i should make an effort to try to revive the friendship or let it unfold naturally, for better or worse.

    i've had plenty of friends come and go thru my life, but i've never had a really close friendship like this one just inexplicably dissipate, so i'm kinda wondering what to do. anyone else have any experience with this?
     
  2. chucklenut

    chucklenut New Member

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    isn't big enough for the both of us
    are you male? is your freind female?
     
  3. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    yes on both accounts (and no, i dont see her as more than just a friend)
     
  4. seejay

    seejay New Member

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    Life goes on, things change.

    I'll be fifty in a couple of years and I have seen close freinds come and go. People change as they mature and their interests vary with time. Particularly in opposite sex friendships. You may meet up with her again in ten years and find that close bond you had before, but right now your lives aren't meshing.
     
  5. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    I keep in touch with a few people from HS thats it most people grow up and go in different directions and just end up drifting apart :dunno: I feel you make most of your lasting friendships during college or your early 20s years, besides those few close childhood friends you'll keep in touch with.
     
  6. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    i figured i'd lose (and have lost) friends along the way post-high school and now post-college, but it's still kinda weird b/c this is probably the first time that i've actually acknowledged it while the drifting away process was happening. usually i notice the distance with a friend only after i've already stopped talking to them for awhile. i guess it doesn't bode well for the friendship if we're both kinda apathetic about it either. maybe the distance/time will help whatever outcome eventually wins out.
     
  7. Legend Zero

    Legend Zero OT Supporter

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    "a thug changes, and love changes, and best friends become strangers" Nas

    truthfully if you can, don't let a long lasting friendship like that dissolve, not saying its worth putting hours on end of work into it, but deffinetly worth to try to "re-connect" and maybe bring the issues upfront...
     
  8. Kirby McSpic

    Kirby McSpic New Member

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    :werd:

    However, make sure you do it and do it wholeheartedly, if you just try to talk about as to why things aren't the same anymore, your friend might think you were trying to hit on her, etc.

    The only childhood friend I have now is in the Marines, and she still tries her hardest to talk to me and is actually happy to see me. :hs:

    Then again, she's the only friend I have left.
     
  9. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    i dont intend to just let the friendship die off from neglect, but at the same time i have no real sense of urgency or motivation to do anything about it right now and i think that's what bothers me most: the apathy. i mean, she goes to school out-of-state and doesn't come home very often unless it's summer (and even then, for the last couple ones she's been taking classes), so i hardly see her as it is. yet, at least now, i dont even feel any anticipation/excitement about getting the chance to see her anymore. idk, maybe i've just gotten too used to the distance.

    also, generally, she's not the best at keeping in touch with people (she hasn't seen her "best friends" from HS in years and it seems like she changes friends every year at college), so that means something to me that she'd actually keep in touch with me. but lately every time she calls or we hang out, it just feels like she's doing it out of duty more than anything.
     

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