Spontanaity vs. Obstacles....

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by BlazinBlazer Guy, Dec 15, 2006.

  1. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    This post from PocoDiablo got me thinking about my own situation:

    Now in my case, I have a couple of health issues that prevent me from being all that spontaneous. I have to eat at basically the same certain times, and select from a very limited number of foods/beverages that are "safe" for me to eat. Because I am this limited and "scheduled," my life basically has to revolve around it. And sometimes, even when I am on schedule, things happen that are beyond my control making it necessary for me to be at home for stretches of a few hours to get myself back under control.

    Before anyone says it, yes I have been to doctors, had tons of tests, and am on medicine to control myself to the best of my ability, but it isn't always perfect.

    This makes it difficult for me to be spontaneous, or even to take girls on dates sometimes because I can't always plan far enough in advance around what I know may or may not happen.

    So my question is this: how can I be spontaneous/interesting to girls, plan dates enough in advance, and offer them enough variety when my life is so structured and limited? :hs:
     
  2. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    basically, you dont have control over when.


    so, be spontanious with your how/what/where. dont give too many details, this way if something comes up and you need to stay home, you can just play it like it was intended and have her over.
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Find a girl that doesn't require spontaneity. There are some girls that will be content cuddling on the couch watching a movie with you. They like being with you and it doesn't matter what you guys do together.

    I'm a guy, but I have to be in the right mood for the spontaneity thing to work. If my friends were randomly like "omg let's go do such-and-such RIGHT NOW" I'd probably get annoyed and be like "uh, no."
     
  4. fray

    fray New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    5,282
    Likes Received:
    0
    .

    and I don't think that Poco meant you need to be continually spontaneous, just that people appreciate it when you sometimes mix things up a little. So you cuddle on the couch 9 out of 10 times... if you occasionally throw in "hey I'm taking you out to dinner tomorrow" on that 10th time, that's still a surprise. And then you could go to dinner at whatever time you're ready (or a movie, a show, etc.)...you'd have a little range on time and stuff in case things weren't going your way that day.
     
  5. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    Sounds to me that you just need to pack a meal and throw it in a backpack and bring it with you... If it's just food/medical supplies, seems like you could bring it with you, right? If you have to keep it cold, get an ice pack/bag combo thing.

    Technology affords solutions to most of these kinds of issues.

    And just because you cannot eat or drink doesn't mean you can't go into a place and sit and talk, people watch, etc., so long as you have a backup. Right?
     
  6. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    That certainly makes the most sense; it's just too bad most of the "not spontaneous" girls I've known I tend not to get along with because they're almost TOO laid-back. I'd rather have a girl who enjoys being on-the-go a lot, but understands if I have to cut an activity short due to other circumstances comming up. So far I haven't found one that understanding.

    There has to be a middle ground here; maybe I'm just not seeing it. :dunno:
     
  7. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    If you choose to "find a girl that doesn't require spontaneity" (is that even possible), be aware that you are going to have to find other ways to excite her.

    I do what Poco described with my wife frequently - we do activities together but I don't let her know what they are going to be. Its like a surprise. She acts me questions about where we are going and I give vague answers. Not sure what it is, but this approach is very exciting to most women.

    So if you are not going to go that route, you are going to have to find other ways to generate excitement.

    edit: as far as finding a girl who understands your schedule: If you raise her interest level high enough, she will go through hell and high water to see you and she will adapt to your schedule. Girls who are unwilling to do this generally don't have high enough interest. Focus on building attraction and raising her interest level and you can just about do whatever you want and she will be down for it.
     
  8. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Now that much is very true... and makes great sense. The question is, though, how do I get to an interest level THAT high? I mean, I understand the concept of raising interest and creating attraction, but THAT much attraction could be difficult to manufacture.

    Maybe I should just find a girl and make an indentured servant out of her :mamoru: (kidding of course)
     
  9. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2005
    Messages:
    15,951
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charlotte, NC
    You don't manufacture it, you go away and it manufactures itself :)
     
  10. fray

    fray New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    5,282
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you keep her locked in the closet all the time, any time you let her out will seem like a spontaneous fun event! :bigthumb:
     
  11. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    Now you are hitting on the thing that I do very well: raise a woman's interest level and keep it high.

    The ways have been mentioned many times here and include:

    Being a challenge

    Being the prize

    Calling her on her bullshit. This one is huge. You have to treat her like a grown adult who is capable of making mature decisions, which includes calling her on it when she doesn't live up to that.

    Having your own world that she fits into. You don't fit into her world, she fits into yours.

    Purposefully limiting the amount of time you spend together: Giving her the gift of missing you (as mentioned above).

    Communicating your feelings through your actions as opposed to your words.

    Never seeking her approval. You make decisions independent of how she will react. This also includes not supplicating yourself to her or putting her on a pedestal.

    Its not complicated, but many find it is difficult to discipline themselves. You have to remain vigilant and be ready for her tests because they never stop coming. That's another huge thing. It doesn't necessarily raise her interest when you pass one of her tests, but her interest level falls when you fail.
     
  12. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    For me, none of that "raising interest" stuff is difficult, really. The problem I guess I'm having is that I feel like most of the girls I've tried dating got sick of my limitations very quickly; while they understood and were accommodating, they just decided they didn't want to put up with me having to call things off at the last minute or cutting the time short on them regularly.

    So I guess what I really have to overcome is trying to find girls who won't be so bothered by those things -- or rather, getting a girl SO interested that she'll look past those things even if they would normally bother her....
     

Share This Page