Splitting/Alternating Resturant Bills

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Aronomy, Feb 27, 2008.

  1. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    I think the idea of splitting the cost of eating a meal out is a great idea, however I have run into a problem of the other person not wanting to go out at all because of the money. He would rather stay home and have popcorn or cereal instead of go out and split a resturant bill. I want to go out every now and then, but he insists on giving "alternatives" to eating at a resturant because he doesn't want to spend any money.

    I dont want to go out much, but I dont want to never go out. What would you suggest?
     
  2. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    whats wrong with being frugal?

    if you want to go out so bad just say hey baby, I want to take you to dinner...

    he shouldnt have to pay for something he doesnt want to do.

    however. If my gf and i eat out or goto the movies. we just switch off... weve done that since the 2nd or 3rd date. I just said, you know your buying this time right? and that was that
     
  3. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    how much is much?


    if they cant afford it, they cant afford it. you should respect that. :dunno:
     
  4. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    She always offers, i almost always insist. :dunno:

    i don't mind.
     
  5. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    Well, he spends lots of money on other things, he just never wants to go to resturants. So I should just be okay with eating simple foods at home? I mean, I don't feel it's fair for him to never spend money on splitting a bill going out to eat.
     
  6. Master Splinter

    Master Splinter OT Supporter

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    But should he have to spend money if he doesn't want to eat out?

    He may not be the one for you if he never wants to go out and you like to go out sometimes, I can see how you'd be frustrated but I can also see where hes coming from, if he doesn't want to eat out then why should he have to waste money doing something he doesn't want to do?

    I understand where your coming from though as well, I wouldn't want to sit home and never go out either.
     
  7. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    Yeah, we both enjoy a lot of things, but when it comes to resturants he doesn't want to go to them (purely because of the money), and I want to occasionally (like once every other week would be enough).

    So are you saying we're just not compatible? I don't consider this to be a deal breaker, but it's annoying to always suggest and ask that we go out to a resturant once a month :).
     
  8. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    it would probably depend on where his other things ranked on my personal list of priorities....

    i mean, it's one thing to blow it on hookers, and another to put it towards cc debt or something.


    as obnoxious as it is, details....
     
  9. Master Splinter

    Master Splinter OT Supporter

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    Well I wouldn't call it a deal breaker but I wouldn't be to fond of being in a relationship with someone who never liked to go out.

    If you only want to go out once every other week or so then he should suck it up probably and spend a little cash, its something you like to do so even if its not his favorite thing he should be alright with it twice a month (its a thing called compromise).

    By going out to a restaurant though are you talking some fancy top of the line the bill will cost your life savings type place, or just a regular restaurant?
     
  10. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    I agree with your second paragraph. I compromise and do things he wants (like staying home every night and having simple meals).

    By going out, I'm talking about the local chinese food place or local greek place. I am not talking about fancy resturants, I'm talking about ANY sit down resturant in our local area.


    As far as details, it is not a matter of if he can afford it. We are students and part time workers, we both have 0 debt. He spends money on his hobbies, like computers, and I am having a hard time dealing with his strong aversion to going out to a resturant (purely because of the money issue) and I'm willing to pay for half or alternate. Sigh.
     
  11. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    why do you do that?


    because you want to selflessly, or because you want him to compromise also?
     
  12. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    Because I want to do what he wants, obviously. I don't want to argue about how to spend our evening, I'd rather it be pleasant most nights ;). I just wish I could effectively convince him going out twice a month is something we should do because I really want to. That's what I'm asking for advice on. How do I tell/convince him effectively that we should go out. Or if it's a lost cause and should be a deal breaker.
     
  13. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    yeah, get back to us when you have your own identity.
     
  14. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    ouch.... why dont you ask to goto a place thats like 7 dollars per plate that he likes.
     
  15. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    it shouldnt be a deal breaker based on what anyone says here (see 10 things im right about) but if its important to you and he doesnt want to do it. the only way to get him to is to talk to him AND INITIATE PLANS YOURSELF.

    As in, say hey come with me to eat here. Or ask him on a date. you gotta take the initative. talking to us is solving nothing. talk to him
     
  16. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    point is, there are two main reasons why people do the compromising things they do in relationships

    1) cause they genuinely like making others happy
    2) they wish for reciprocation.

    it seems that she is very non confrontational, and secondary, does what she does not to please him (and therefor getting what she needs herself) but rather to fish for reciprocation. ie, i compromised, so you should too. if she were really doing it JUST to make him happy, this would be a non-issue. then, his happiness would be her happiness. clearly, this isn't the situation.


    so if she's not getting what she needs..... and he's unwilling, it's just making for resentment. the money isn't the issue.
     
  17. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    thats why i said go somewhere cheap
     
  18. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    and she already stated, that's what she wants. something cheap.


    hence, the money isn't the issue.


    edit: spelling
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2008
  19. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Some people just don't enjoy eating out. Sometimes it's the cost or what they perceive as not of value. You can get coupon books like http://www.entertainment.com which has 50% off or b1g1 coupons at many restaurants.

    You can also simply choose to eat out with a friend instead. :dunno:
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You're the one that wants to go out, he doesn't. Therefore you are the one that should be paying.

    When I was beyond broke months ago I couldn't afford to go out and my bf and I love love love to go out to a new restaurant here and there. This was upsetting him as well just because it was fun, and well he didn't want me to eat ramen all the time. I felt guilty because I didn't want him always paying either, this is why I would usually turn down the idea. Eventually he got sick of it and said "look, I want to go out to eat and know you do too. Stop worrying about paying, I will pay and we will have a great dinner."

    And maybe he just doesn't like eating out, I know a lot of people who literally go out to a restaurant maybe once a month, maybe. If you want a restuarant-going boyfriend who offers to go even when he's broke and pay for you then you know what you have to do...
     
  21. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Find a new boyfriend who is more aligned with your views.
     
  22. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    you are not compromising much by eating with him at home unless he asks you to not do something else.

    IE, if you want to go out and he wants to stay home, why don't you call up a friend who enjoys and can afford a resturant and go with them and leave him to do what he wants?

    "letting" someone else eat dinner at home is really not compromise. Why don't you treat him to dinner if you want to go so badly? I pay for activities that I want to do that my gf isnt really interested in.
     
  23. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    Thanks for the suggestions. It isn't a deal breaker for me, I just wasn't sure how to approach it. It is important to be able to do what each person wants occasionally in the relationship. Thanks again.
     
  24. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I'm suggesting it as a deal breaker, because it's not going to change.

    Right now he's on his "best" behaviour. Imagine getting married/living with him in a few years or something. All those things you don't like/find annoying? They get magnified by about 20.
     
  25. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    well may be right now this is so but think about the future. First is restaurants, then will be going out at all to any type of social event that causes money. You should ask your self would you be willing to live your life without going out, or going on vacation, travelling, going to theme parks or whatever else you do for fun. Going out to eat is not that expensive if planned correctly and done once in a wile, so its safe to say that if you asked to go on vacation somewhere you will get the same response.

    I understand that you can only do as much as your financial situation allows you to but some people just don't budget their finances to allow them to do things like that. If he preffers to stay home instead of put some money asside so he can go out with his gf then there is a possibility that he will never do it despite how much money he is making.
     

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