SRS Spending this weekend alone, at home, with parents

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by schmitty101, Oct 30, 2009.

  1. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    God damn it. I really made an honest effort to go out and make some friends. I called a few people I know and I've hung out with them each a few times. I meet some new people this way also. I talked to other kids at my community college, got to know them, exchanged some numbers. etc..

    Then it all boils down to this weekend. I asked lots of people what they had planned for halloween and they either told me "nothing" or "i'm going somewhere" or "i don't drink anymore" or "i have to work". One of them said he would give me a call Friday but he hasn't. I sent him a text earlier but he never responded. WTF? So here I am at 3pm on Friday and I haven't had a single person call me to hang out this weekend. I can't make friends for some reason. I was nice to them, we went out and we had a good time, but when it comes down to it i'm still spending this cool weekend alone.

    Nobody is really reciprocating the gesture to me. I'm making all the effort to hang out and really none of them take the same approach to me unless they need something (aka a ride or some booze money). I'm fucking sad. I hope I'm not alone my whole life.
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    No one likes you, and they don't want you to hang out with them. At least, not after the first few "evaluation" outings.
    There. That was obvious, but it needed to be said out loud.

    Most people don't want to bring along baggage, or someone they don't view as cool.
    Who wants to be the person that brought THAT guy to the party. You know what I mean.

    Is that shallow? Yes, absolutely. Is it common...yep. All too common.




    Now. What to do?

    You asked a lot of people what they had planned, intending to latch onto them, and basically they ditched you, either through excuses ("I'm not doing anything" etc) or through avoidance.

    You sent your friend a text and he "never responded". Why is this puzzling to you?
    Do you think he really intended to get back to you?

    So.
    1) How about you stop chasing after people that aren't your style.
    2) And instead of casting around, looking for someone, anyone, to latch onto, why don't you plan something interesting to do, and have people join you instead?
    and 3) you've only just begun your journey into the new, socially active you. It takes some time to unmake your personality from what you were, into what you want to become.

    This thanksgiving, I suggest you should go volunteer somewhere. A youth centre, a homeless shelter/kitchen, the local library.

    Or probably best of all, join one of the larger local youth church group. Most campuses have several, and they have plenty of young college girls there....
    Not religious? Who cares. Just go. You'll find people more your "speed" there. I'm completely serious.

    And I guarantee you will find some hot girls there. You will kick yourself if you don't verify this for yourself.



    Not cool enough? Too lame?
    I suggest you stop thinking about "cool" since it's obviously not working for you, and start thinking about being real, about substance, about being genuine.

    Give those suggestions a try and update.
    And don't give up. It gets easier bro.
     
  3. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    I hear what your saying Johan, and I think it's good advice to plan something yourself and invite people along rather than just trying to latch on to them and their plans. Being real and genuine is good too, I try to be as real as I can be.

    I don't think any of them "don't like" me. One guy always comes up to me to talk every time he sees me in the library or cafeteria at school. We have good/funny conversations. Another guy calls me up once in a while just to bullshit, and he even invited me out one night and we had a good time (although he needed someone to buy the booze for the group). Another guy has called me up a few times just to come over to his house and hang out, and we've also gone out plenty of times and had fun (at the same time he lost his license and he asks me to drive him places a lot). The guy who was supposed to call me today but never did....well i've know this guy for years and he's done this to me quite a few times. I don't think i'm going to be talking to him anymore, he's just a flake.

    Even though some of these guys use me, I take it that that is kind of what some people have to go through as the "new" guy in the group. I don't mind doing favors for a while until most of their friends get to know me and we become friends. The problem is that on bigger nights like tonight they completely neglect me for some reason. Its like they will hang out with me on throwaway random nights but on the bigger nights i'm screwed. The guy from the library told me that he never goes anywhere and that he never does shit. We exchanged numbers and I told him I'll give him a call this saturday to see what he's up to, and he can feel free to give me a call in case i'm busy and i forget. I just know that he will NOT call me though. I'll have to be the one to call him...that's just the way it seems to work with me and other people.

    I'll take your advice though, i'll try to plan something and i'll invite others along instead of just trying to tag along with them. I've also been considering joining a club at school.
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2009
  4. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    Community college, in my experience, is a bit of a different atmosphere. A lot of students seem to be more focused and may have other things going on besides school. They may honestly just not be doing anything fun.
     
  5. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    Who knows. I get the feeling that a few of em had plans but didn't really want to tell me about it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2009
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    quit playing the victim
     
  7. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    Why not just go do what you want to do, find people already doing it and make friends with those people...
     
  8. Pepe

    Pepe New Member

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    honestly, best post i've read in the asylum :bowdown:


    schmitty, keep your head up. nothing in life worth having is easy, and that includes friends. most of my friends are people i met through previous friendships, which those i met through previous friendships. you are starting off fresh so just give it some time. there are a lot of variables that could be coming into play but don't give up and don't do anything stupid to get back into an old rut. best of luck.
     
  9. Saluki

    Saluki New Member

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    Couldn't agree more!

    I didn't see anywhere that you said how long you knew these people but it seemed like you haven't known them very long from you post. Sometimes (it's the case with me) people don't like to take new friends to other friend's parties because as someone said earlier "you don't want to be the person who brought THAT guy" and I'm not saying that you are THAT guy but if they don't know you well yet then they may be wary of inviting you to parties Try hanging out more 1-on-1 and away from a party atmosphere. Go do something and YOU be the 1 to suggest something that you want to do.
     
  10. rYu

    rYu OT Supporter

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    there is your problem.
     
  11. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    watcha mean?
     

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