Soul mates? But without the love & romance?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by enzeru, Feb 7, 2008.

  1. enzeru

    enzeru New Member

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    So this might be a pretty long, winded story. But I'll try and summarize it as best I can. I'm also not really sure why I'm writing this all out, I guess I need a slap in the face, a reality check.

    Basically.. dated this girl a few months back, it was great experience. The highs were fantastic, the lows were down right miserable. But we hit it off so well! Eventually though it came to a screeching halt. One day she just end things and cut me off cold turkey.

    It wasn't only till 2 weeks ago, did we started talking again. Before that we hadn't seen or talked to each other in like 3 months. I come to find out from her, that before we started dating, she had actually just came off a bad breakup with another guy. So, the short version, is that she used me as a rebound.

    Initially she just told herself, she was just going to date me for fun. But over the course of time.. she started really liking me. Told me, that we have this great connection and how much she cared about me. Problem is... it wasn't on a romantic level.

    - - -

    We have this deep and natural affinity with one another. As cliche as it might sounds, she really wants to be good friends. The problem is she doesn't see me in that romantic light. Its like soul mates but without the romantic love, if thats possible.

    While it completely sucks for me. Because I feel the same way and then some.. I want it to be more.

    - - -

    I know. I know. Go out there date 10 other girls, meet other people, pick up a hobby. I guess I just need a place to vent.. :sadwavey: sorry if things are unclear or jumbled mess. Ill answer any Q's to clear things up.
     
  2. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    She sounds like a drama queen.
     
  3. enzeru

    enzeru New Member

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    :rofl: thanks I need that.

    Yeah, when I first found out that I was a rebound. It pissed me off, I ignored all her txt messages and phonecalls cause I need time to cool off. The next day, she end up just dropping by my place unannounced and wanted to talk things through. :hsd:
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You can't be friends with a girl you have romantic feelings for, it will never work unless you don't see her in that way. That's really all there is to say.
     
  5. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    cool. at least you aren't delusional.

    if you can be friends without having feelings, then go ahead, if not you might be SOL.

    and yea..........realizing ur rebound ftl

    edit: dammit beer beat me to it !
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Not worth it, won't work. You'll begin to resent her as long as you still want her romantically.
     
  7. enzeru

    enzeru New Member

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    I think I am a bit delusional actually.

    We had this talk last night about our feelings, etc etc. I made the an error in judgment by saying I would work on being her friend. Yes I know, stupid me.

    But ya I agree with beer and bob .. friends with a girl that you have a romantic feeling for, just won't work. Thats something I need to realize and not try to sugarcoat.

    I'm actually feel its really unfair to me. Like she can have her cake and eat her ice cream too. While I get the shaft in this matter.
     
  8. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    she likes to see you suffer. :hs:
     
  9. enzeru

    enzeru New Member

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    qft..

    didn't think about the "resenting part"
     
  10. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    Welcome to...
    [​IMG]
     
  11. enzeru

    enzeru New Member

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    Like I just think it be so much easier. If it was like a "normal" situation. Where the breakup occurs and the two individuals just part ways.

    But by her telling me..how much she likes and cares about me still but AS friends. It makes for a jumble mess. Cause i feel all this emotions for her, its really hard for me to be harsh to her, and say "GO AWAY!"
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I had a soulmate once without romance. He was best friend from childhood. We loved and knew each other inside and out, like a brother and sister. We knew each other a hell of a lot longer than the few months you've known this girl.

    Sounds like unrequited like and you just want to make it into a bigger deal.
     
  13. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Yeah, I've been there.

    Why is it so hard? I have no idea. The girl literally walks all over us and makes these ridiculous demands (or requests lol) and we, like idiots, get all crazy over them. And a lot of the girls who do ridiculous stuff like this, know exactly what they are doing too and are really good at fucking you up in th head.

    It's a common thing among "nice guys". It's hard, but in the end you have to train yourself to break that pattern of trying to be everything for her without the benefits. You have to realize that her wanting to remain friends with you and get all the benefits of relationship without the actual relationship (i.e. sex, kissing, etc.) is RIDICULOUS. It should make you mad. It should make you angry. It should make you want to tell her to go fuck herself.

    The only way past it, is to force yourself away from her and to break contact with her. BE STRONG and in the future it won't be as hard to do.
     
  14. enzeru

    enzeru New Member

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    Interesting book. Do you highly recommend it? Funny too.. cause she actually super religious (Christian).
     
  15. enzeru

    enzeru New Member

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    Probably.. that why I put "soul mate" with a question mark. I don't know quite how to define my emotions for her. I never felt this way for anyone. But maybe I'm just blinded by emotions and like you said trying to make it grander then it really is.

    Which is great! cause i need to be shaken back into reality.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    "Soul mates" has to mean both people feel that way...and seeing as how she used you as a rebound, dumped you and then didn't speak to you for 3 months doesn't really show a high level of connection. Not to sound rude, I'm just saying.
     
  17. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    No idea. I was just using that picture as the illustration to your situation as a cactus.
    So much benefits inside, with its juices, the ability to be eaten, to survive, yet no one wants to stay with you long term because of the torns. They only come by you when they are in dire need or something.
     
  18. enzeru

    enzeru New Member

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    EXACTLY!

    So when she first contacted me and we kind of started things back up again. I told myself I need to be STRONG and not give into her wants and needs. That I'm my own person and that I have my owns wants. I can't keep on compromising and giving in to her.

    I told her.. that either we start dating/seeing each other like it was before or we end things. Cause I couldn't be her friend, I can't take go backwards in a relationship.

    :hs: that lasted for a week.. it was a great week though, it was like bliss. Anyways, at the end of the week she told me she couldn't continue like this and it had to end. She just went along with my request/demand cause she didn't want to lose me, but couldn't do it anymore.

    Suffice to say I was weak and eventually gave in.. and told her. "ya lets try and work on being friends." :hsd: gah i feel like a chump.
     
  19. enzeru

    enzeru New Member

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    Right. Not rude at all. I want and appreciate your honesty.

    So yeah.. when she dumped me, it was actually around the time the guy came back into her life. So for 3 months they were probably hanging out and having fun. :squint: He eventually had to relocate for work (another country) and it "just happens" after the guy left, she called me up and that how i'm in this situation.

    She says..during those 3 months, she was in agony. She wanted to call me, dialed the # but hanged up. Typed out a letter but end up deleting it. Wanted to send a txt but couldn't press send. She says she thought a lot about me and it wasn't easy. BLAH!

    --

    your right.. soul mate isn't the correct term, now that i think more about it. It is unrequited feelings sounds right.
     
  20. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Hey, I've had that happen to me more times than I can count. :rofl: Truth is, and I say this cause I've been there, you ARE a chump. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just a sign of a weakness you have in standing up to girls and for not getting what YOU truly want. When push comes to shove, you give in.

    It's amazing how clear and easy it is to see when I'm the one sitting here giving the advice. When I'm on the receiving end of the advice, it's so HARD to see and so HARD to actually do the right thing: CUT HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE.

    But I've learned, through several situations just like yours, that I was always happiest after I had cut them out of my life for good and broke all contact. It's hard. The first couple of weeks suck. But it ALWAYS leads to being WAY more happy than trying to make concessions to please her.

    And then, after you've gotten over her, your head clears up and you look back and suddenly your responses to the different bullshit she's tried to pull becomes extremely clear. You slap yourself on the head and think "why the fuck didn't I say that THEN?" and it makes you hope that she tries to contact you again so that you can tell her how you really felt. But most of the time she doesn't.
     
  21. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Yeah, and cut this soulmate bullshit. She's not it. When you DO meet your "soulmate", she's going to want a relationship with you.
     
  22. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    I will agree with what has already been said and simply re-iterate that she sounds like a user; in other words a flake. She rebounded (which is entirely un-healthy) and you allowed her to possibly walk all over you without recognizing her behavior or pattern, and since there is no way she was ready for it and likely isn't right now; there is no romantic chemistry.

    Best thing to do is simply to move on; she's not right for you and it is much better that you have found this out sooner than later; good luck, I'm sure we've all been there (similar situation), men and women.
     

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