SOS: Re-newing the sexual spark...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Rendezv0us, Mar 26, 2010.

  1. Rendezv0us

    Rendezv0us New Member

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    Hi there.

    I am turning to the realms of OT. Lurker turned helpless sod requesting help.

    My bf and I have been together just over 2 years and in the past couple of months the once fantastic sex has kinda disappeared. I got the "sex has become boring" talk and needless to say, I am feeling very fragile.

    Long story short, he initiates more often than not, I am happy to, but wasn't doing so as much as he.

    He tends to think up all the ideas, I am not very creative (and a little sensitive about NOT being creative) but I am always keen to try anything. Anal is regurlar, well, was... :(

    He is tired of thinking up the ideas and has requested I try to think up some ideas to help us renew the sexual spark.

    This has made me feel a bit stressed, and I am reaching out to everyone here to try help me think up some ideas.

    I like to be dominated, but as a result that means he is the one doing most the 'work'. I want to pull my own weight, but I guess I have this confidence issue that I am not smart enough to match him in the creativity department in the bedroom.

    Lingerie, positons (I think we've tried them all!), new toys, anything you can think of, please post away. I need some help here, world :(
     
  2. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    spontaneity.
     
  3. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Do you have any fantasies of yourself? Why not share them.
     
  4. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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  5. PcH

    PcH Guest

    First off, calm the fuck down.

    Every other word in your post is stress. Sex shouldn't be stressful. ENJOY IT. Like Black Dahlia said, do you have any fantasies? Does he have any fantasies? Are you two doing it the same place and/or time? Try jumping his bones right when he gets off work or vice-versa. There are SO many things to switch it up.
     
  6. Rendezv0us

    Rendezv0us New Member

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    haagarman: I like this idea, but we see a fair bit of each other. We work out at the gym one or twice per week, then there's often an additional day or two in there for socialising, etc.
    Do you think it's wrong to request some time apart to perhaps make the heart grow fonder? Or is that not really addressing the issue here?

    Dahlia: I do have fantasies but most of them involve me being dominated. I'm starting to shy away from that now because that means he'd be 'doing all the work' whilst i happily lay gagged and bound.

    Can anyone suggest from a guy POV some shit they'd love their chick to do to them?

    Book looks good, thx Spiral, I might have to purchase.
     
  7. Rendezv0us

    Rendezv0us New Member

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    PcH: ty for the virtual slap in the face - I needed that :)

    I am a bit wound up over this because I suppose looking at it, if this cannot be 'fixed'as such, well, what does that leave us? We get along in every other aspect of our lives, never fight... but sex IS an important factor in a r/ship.
     
  8. PcH

    PcH Guest

    You're walking on eggshells here. Don't. If you want to be gagged or anything, then your partner should at least consider (and WANT to) it. If you know what turns you on, then share it with him.

    When I'm with a girl I do whatever I can to please her and I hope she'd do the same for me. Don't worry about whether one person is doing "more work" etc.
     
  9. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I would seriously suggest it. My ex and I tried it and it was wonderful. Take your SO to the bookstore tonight and buy it together. It'll make it that much more exciting.
     
  10. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    You like to be dominated, so flip it up. Maybe HE likes to be dominated? Maybe he likes the idea of you being in control?

    You said its been 2 years of good sex up until a couple of months, that was good for YOU. Maybe those 2 years of sex has been routine to him?

    Switch it up completely. When you two walk in from work, the gym, or where ever, take the initiative, drop his pants and blow him in the kitchen, the hall way, shit, start making out with him as soon as you get out of the car. Men like to be surprised, more so, we like to be sexually surprised. If we feel that WERE the ones who always want it/go for it, it is going to end up boring.


    Things i'd probably suggest doing aside from being EXTREMELY spontaneous/random with sex:

    clothes/lingerie is always fun. Allows you to strip tease and just tease him in general.

    Toys, vibrators, beads, lubes, lotions, etc. Hows the foreplay in your sex life? Is it more or less, kiss, fuck, done? Or do you guys play around a bit? Foreplay and making someone wait for what they want is an awesome thing to try around. Seriously, tease him for a good 10-15 mins, he wont know what to do with himself.

    Are you vocal? Do you tell him what you like during sex? Moaning, dirty talk, etc?


    When/where (back to spontaneous) if its always the same thing, routine gets old/boring
     
  11. PcH

    PcH Guest

    Oh and I can suggest that I love getting head, but I'm not the one you're going home to every night. :o Talk to your man and ask him what HE likes.
     
  12. PcH

    PcH Guest

    I'm gonna completely agree with my nga JAO about the section I bolded. I fuckin love it when bitches surprise me in a sexual way. I remember one girl who was like "Can I have you for a couple minutes?" as soon as I walked in the fucking door and she blew me right there. Shit was HOT.
     
  13. Rendezv0us

    Rendezv0us New Member

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    We've got a gag, heaps of toys we've used lots of times. He was always happy to use them on me but the problem is he wants me to take more initiative, and I don't know wtf to do.
    I know, and I WILL, talk to him about what he'd like to do when I see him next, but I want to make this work, want to have some ideas.

    The book was a new idea, I liked that. Might see if Adultshop have something similar I can pick up tomrrow.

    Ok, so spontenatity is on the cards. I have a little costume I always wanted to wear for him, but never seem to get the opportunity. He's been down a bit with work and $ lately, so I am concerned of rocking up all tarted up ready for a session and being rejected.


    I'm very vocal (moans, etc), he isn't when I'm giving him head. I guess that's something I could bring up - when giving head I'm never sure if he is really enjoying it because he stays silent.
    He says cool stuff when having sex though I dig the dirty stuff, but don't have much of a mouth on me so I don't talk much - I wouldn't know wtf to say.

    What sort of stuff do you guys like a chick saying to you?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2010
  14. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    While blowing him ask him if he likes it... WHILE blowing him. Hearing a girl talk while sucking my dick is HOT. Make sure his cock is still in your mouth ;)

    LOVE hearing a girl tell me 'just like that' or 'fuck me harder' or 'I love having you in me' is all :drool:


    You mean to tell me while having sex theres nothing you want to say sexually? Nothing pops in your head and instead of saying it you just keep quiet?
     
  15. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    I think a good way to get ideas would be to read sexy stuff. A quick google search pulls up http://www.literotica.com/stories/index.php that has tons of stories on there people wrote.

    Why not try reading through some that sound interesting and maybe you can get some more ideas? Even if you don't, maybe they will get you all rev'd up so you want to jump him when he comes home from work. :naughty:

    And if you do get rejected for initiating, so what? it happens to guys all the time and they still do it. It's not a big deal, and it's not like he is rejecting sex because of you or something you did, he could be tired/stressed/whatever, but it's not your fault. Sometimes people just don't feel up to it.
     
  16. Rendezv0us

    Rendezv0us New Member

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    just_another: In the heat of the moment I'll yell and whisper the usual stuff, but again I feel a little stupid doing so because it must sound lame to him, when he thinks of all these more interesting things to say.
    Fk me, I have a real confidence issue methinks. Which is stupid because I'm not fat, or unattractive or anything that should normally make me feel low.

    Ty, Dahlia, for the link I will check it out. I have a terrible memory but maybe I can write some things down and check my cheatsheets ;)

    I also appreciate your slant on the reject thing, makes sense :)
     
  17. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    quickies are fun. but not like before bed. like before you leave for work, or before you go out to dinner.

    or when you go to a friends house or family give him a cock grab once in a while and then duck off into a side room and blow him real quick.

    spontaneity and the risk of getting caught is always fun.
     
  18. P-chan

    P-chan New Member

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    Send him some texts/emails during the work day that are provocative and let him know that tonight you've got something planned.

    On another note, if he wants you to initiate more, but you like to be dominated, combine the two - don't worry about him doing all the work. My wife once sent me notes about a "date" she had planned for me in the bedroom and I was excited about what she had planned. When the time came, I went to the bedroom and she had dressed up, prepared some stockings for me to tie her up with, and written "slave me" on her ass in lipstick(which probably took some creative mirror work :o ). It was pretty awesome. :)
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Let's just cut the bullshit and get down to what's really causing your recent lack of excitement.

    What problems are going on in the relationship?

    Spill, I know there is something because he hasn't changed, your interest has. Has he gained weight? Have you gained weight? Is there something emotionally draining you about the relationship in general?
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2010
  20. Rendezv0us

    Rendezv0us New Member

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    I haven't sent any daring MMS pics for a while. Maybe I should take the w/e for myself and take some to send.

    Love the lipstick on the ass idea! I hope to give that a shot myself!
     
  21. Rendezv0us

    Rendezv0us New Member

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    He gained a teeny bit but it's gone again. I have lost a little too. We're both very healthy people. We train weights together and I do additional gym classes during the week. We're both appreciative of the human body in a muscled form and both like that each other has a defined body.

    Fom my POV, I still find him sexy, attractive. I wish sometimes for him to be a little more loving in manner but this is just not who he is, he is a logical, straightshooter and this is what I fell for in the first place.

    He still finds me attractive but thinks it's ridiculous that I rate highy in looks but also in insecurity. He thinks because I look good, I shouldn't be insecure.

    I have been under loads of stress at work and at home (I rent, as does he, we live separate) and he hasn't been too over the moon with his living arrangements and work. So i guess both under some stress in the past few months.

    In regards to the r/ship itself, we get alone like a house on fire, Same interests, like to socialise, have fun, be active, etc
     
  22. lildevildee

    lildevildee New Member

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    I'm going to throw in my opinion...everything you wrote in the previous post sounded like you are putting on a show of why you have the perfect relationship. There can be nothing WRONG but maybe ultimately you're not attracted to him anymore and the sex is the first thing to change.

    Then again, I'm prob way off base.
     
  23. Rendezv0us

    Rendezv0us New Member

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    mmm nah, I'm definately still into him, lildevil :)
     
  24. PcH

    PcH Guest

    And beer from left field :bowdown: This post makes sense that something is wrong
     
  25. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    What other have said along with this honestly leads me to believe that there is something wrong your just not saying. It kind of sounds like something is going on in your head but your trying to ignore it and push to fix something that is only affected by what your not talking about.

    I don't know how you'd think that time apart when your both stressed and the sex has started to die down would be good at all. I'm sure the only thing he'd think is your leaving him and this your way of just getting the ball rolling. That or he may believe that the sex had gone down because your either into something else or that someone else is in you. I hope you get what I'm saying.

    If your hiding something from us, him, and you then asking us for help isn't going to work. Its the internet, none of us know you and you don't have to worry that we're going to tell you b/f.
     

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