SO's mother hates me

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by arsbu, Aug 5, 2008.

  1. arsbu

    arsbu New Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2004
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Couple of days ago my SO told me to add her sister on facebook (because her sister wanted to add me) but I declined since I never request adds. Today my SO's sister added me on facebook, and I accepted few minutes after (I was on facebook ATM).

    Long story short, she only added me because her mom wanted to see my facebook profile. I have my profile set to private so I put all sorts of goofy and stupid things on it (i.e. my major in grad school is alcoholism) since only my friends can see it. (I'm also 28 according to my facebook).

    Well, my SO's mom freaked out over all these things. I kind of already had the feeling she didn't get me from the beginning (and because of the link at the bottom). According to my SO, it's most likely because I'm from out of state and she told her mom I would most likely go back. Her mom wants her to stay close to her and doesn't want me to steal her away. Her sister even went as far to say "At least I don't date any guys mom disproves of" and "Mom's just trying to protect you so that you don't have to make difficult decisions later in life".

    What should I do? Obviously I don't want to make her choose nor do I want to steal her away. However, I also don't want to stay here (but I might not go back to California--it seems like that's what her mom hates)...

    Backstory: http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3879405
     
  2. fray

    fray New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    5,282
    Likes Received:
    0
    oh shit! That went south fast! Have you ever even met the mother yet? Not every parent will love you. Hopefully in person you are more charming than your facebook profile. Disapproving of someone for originating from out of state is kind of silly, if true.
     
  3. arsbu

    arsbu New Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2004
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Both her parents are actually from California...she actually still has grandparents and friends there so :dunno: That's just what my girl speculates. She has also told me that her mom can potentially be racist (her grandparents are) when I jokingly said her mom is racist, but her ex was Asian too...

    Nope never met her, I guess I can't be goofy around her until she gets more comfortable with me. Sadly according to my girl her mom likes to tease and likes being teased...which I do a lot when I'm goofing off. My ex's mom loved me more than my ex because the first time I met her I was goofy.
     
  4. greenpillow

    greenpillow New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2004
    Messages:
    13,491
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PINKBOW
    Well.. I would do nothing unless issues are brought up..
     
  5. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2008
    Messages:
    9,447
    Likes Received:
    0
    My mother hates my SO too. The exact same thing happened with us but trust me his Facebook profile was waaaaaaaaaaay worse. I say you just don't worry about her mother. You're not dating her, this is about you and your SO. If you spend too much time worrying about her mother it can put a huge damper on your time together especially if you might be moving away. I say live your life for you. Although things at this point are irreparable between my mother and SO I try not to worry about it and just deal with things as they come. Do your best to try not to make your SO feels she has to choose, if she at some point on her own feels she has to she will. Understand that this is hard for her since she is stuck between two people she loves. My SO did this for me and his understanding has meant the world to me.
     
  6. SuperoDeus

    SuperoDeus OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CT
    qft

    it sucks but don't let it affect your relationship. Don't pressure ur SO into choose one or another, this is just like what I'm going through with my SO and her mother and the only way to make it work to to be as understanding as possible, even if it's something you dont like or disagree with, remember, she is in a worse situation, don't put any more preasure on her than she already has
     
  7. arsbu

    arsbu New Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2004
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    I understand, when she was listing all the things her sister said or reasons why her mother might hate me I didn't even bother to give my side of the argument. I figure she'll be able to do it on her own and I don't want to get into it and basically fight with her mom through her. I hardly said anything other than I'm sorry you have to go through this and that I understood why she was "protecting" her and etc. I did however forward her that email because I felt like I insinuated the whole thing with it. I didn't want to show her the email at first just in case she might get mad at her mom for saying no or something, but apparently her mom already told her about it and she knew. Plus we're pretty honest and open with each other so it was hard for me to keep it from her.

    I think if it really came down to it, I would rather have her pick her mom over me. I love her, but I know she'll just be living through hell if she doesn't have her mom in her life in some way.

    But that's interesting that facebook has ruined so many mother's impressions :mamoru:
     
  8. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2008
    Messages:
    9,447
    Likes Received:
    0
    I feel like a good mother wouldn't make their daughter have to choose but what can you do? Mom's just don't want to let go of the reigns. I applaud your behavior just make sure you're not too willing to let her mother win.
     
  9. arsbu

    arsbu New Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2004
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm totally willing to let her mom win. As long as it's my girl's own decision. I completely understand why her mom is acting this way since I'm an only child. But it was also the same reason I left California...
     
  10. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    I've never met a single parent who didn't like me...

    Best thing you can do is explain to her the profile is a joke and meet her in person.
     
  11. arsbu

    arsbu New Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2004
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Parents love me too because I know when to be polite and when to joke around. She already explained to her that I was just a goofball. I don't think I have to do that.
     
  12. Reign

    Reign Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2003
    Messages:
    21,304
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Westminster, CO
    How old is this girl?
     
  13. arsbu

    arsbu New Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2004
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    21, I'm 23
     
  14. Reign

    Reign Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2003
    Messages:
    21,304
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Westminster, CO
    Ugh.... the age where the mom has trouble letting go. If she's a winner I'd say hang in there and try to win her over.
     
  15. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    18,774
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    My gf's parents have a BIG problem with letting go of their kids...even though my gf is almost 28 :ugh:
     
  16. jonno

    jonno New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    63,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    fort sam
    LOL @ moms snooping facebook/myspace profiles
     

Share This Page