Sooo I got friendzowned last night

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Chris90210, Oct 11, 2006.

  1. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    and this morning I tried to eat a bowl of cereal and felt sick:( Then after that I went up to the gym and worked out so hard I can't even place the last time I pushed myself that much. :( I don't know why this has hurt me like it has. I have never had problems with being rejected/friendzowned. I just usually pick myself up, dust off, and go for someone new. This is very unlike me and quite disturbing. I guess mid-terms/busy days at work might have something to do with it too.

    What do you guys do to help get over crap like that(girl depression not the work/midterms)?:sadwavey:
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I thought there were going to be details of the story in here.

    If you're that upset, you obviously liked her a lot. That sucks, man. At least you tried. It's better than never trying and not knowing what would have happened.
     
  3. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    The reason why you *should* be upset, in my opinion, is if you did NOT learn from your mistakes. What happened, what did you do wrong, and how can you improve? How can you learn from this experience? It is *very* important for you to go over things in your head and figure out why you got friendzoned.

    Likely you were too desperate, too boring, too predictable, too uncontrolled, or too ... something! Analyze the situation, though, and I bet you can figure out what you did wrong. Chances are it was more than one thing - a comedy of errors as it would be - so think about it carefully.

    Or post some details here... ;)
     
  4. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    no point for all the details typical girl crap. lead you on then burst your bubble but what I'm wondering is what do you guys usually do to pull yourself out of that mood. Can drink but it will not fix anything.

    I was told by several people that she friendzones everyone so i guess i just fell victim too. Pretty much started talking(she mainly called/come up with the idea of a last min. get together.) but it seemed like every time I would try to plan something the was "busy with this or that" She had times when she would lead me on then others times would just be normal. Last night i finally got sick of that shit so I started talking to her about it and pretty much got the friend zone talk. Sooo I know of another girl that would probably want to hang out this weekend so i can get out with another person and put the past behind me and go on with life.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2006
  5. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    It sounds like this girl is only attracted to guys that really know how to deal with women. Her blowing you off is classic, and since you allowed her to do it a number of times. And then you got upset about it- right then and there you were definitely done. Next time(not with this girl), YOU be the one to make plans and then be busy last minute.
     
  6. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    Pretty much when she kept doing this shit i just asked her where this was going then I confirmed i was being friendzoned. So I was just like thanks for the info peace out:wavey:..... went on with the night and didn't even feel like crap until i woke up this morning.
     
  7. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I hang out with guy friends, shoot pool, get out of the house, go have a good time. No computer, TV, games, etc. In person contact helps. The more dumb or outrageous my friends are, the more entertaining they are and that's always a mood lift. :big grin:

    I probably would have told her near the beginning that I "wasn't attracted to you, so we can only be friends." This is likely something she's never heard, so she would instantly be "off her game." She sounds like she would enjoy a little challenge, a guy who was unlike everyone else.

    If she was coming up with the ideas, then she was controlling the relationship from the beginning. If anything, I would have turned her down, playfully, or told her something like "That sounds kind of boring, don't you have any good ideas?" Basically, flirt, throw it back in her face, and then you needed to take control and make the decisions on when and where to go.

    Not sure what your plans were, but if you're like most guys your plans were either not solid (i.e., no time and place picked out), were not making your intentions clear (i.e., "Let's go on a date."), or were otherwise too boring for her. Sometimes it can't be helped, don't worry about that. However, DO make note of her coming up with excuses. Any time a woman comes up with excuses to not hang out with you, she has told you in plain language that she has nearly no interest in you. That's the point where you cut contact and stop wasting your time. Politely, of course!

    Her giving you excuses is not leading you on if you kept going back for more. However, if she led you on and you ended up paying her way or otherwise going out of your way to please her, then she used you because you allowed yourself to be involved with someone while at the same time you demanded nothing in return. No, being in her presence is not "something in return." Something in return is her making you dinner, giving you a massage, going on a date, or otherwise showing her interest in you.

    At what point did she touch you? Ever? That's something to keep an eye out for.

    This is the lesson you need to learn! If you talk to women about relationships, or "where are we" in regards to the two of you, it shows that you don't know what's up. Most women will shut down most guys in seconds once this gets brought up. You must NEVER talk about the relationship like that. Never tell her your feelings for her, either. If anything, flirt, joke, and poke fun at her like she's your little sister whom you would never let get away with anything. When you come to a woman and have to talk to her to figure things out, it's like you running to your mother for help. It puts her into a "mother mode" (in my opinion) and puts you *squarely* in the "child mode." At that point she likely will lose most if not all attraction for you. Women often do not find immature boys attractive - they want a decisive, mature, adult male partner to be a leader, provider, protector. You gave that power away by coming to her before things were even started, and got into "therapy" before your first date. Don't do that again, and you'll likely have better luck in the future. ;)

    Hang out? What's this, playtime? How about you go find her, talk to her for a while, flirt a bit, and if she seems reseptive you ask her on a DATE? Make your intentions clear! If she gives you an excuse, you will know RIGHT AWAY if you are in friendzone or not. No wasted time, no BS games, no wasted money.

    Never put the past behind you before you have studied and understood it, or you will likely repeat the same mistakes and end up living the past over and over again. :x:
     
  8. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    :werd:

    This is exactly the way she thinks.
     
  9. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    thanks for the advice guys...... she ended up calling tonight but i'm being nice and all just backing out.
     
  10. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    Keep blowing her off! :bigthumb:

    And don't be TOO nice... don't appologize or make excuses. Let her know you're busy.
     
  11. spook

    spook OT Supporter

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    You're doing the right thing to cool off. Pushing yourself at the gym > any kind of drug/alcohol
     
  12. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    i didn't want to be rude so i talked to whitney for a while on the phone(she called).... wanted to know about what kind of underware i wore told me about her fantasies and that kinda crap. I was kinda like :ugh2:..... great convo for friends i guess i know i have that convo with chicks all the time :mamoru:
     
  13. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    but i tell ya a bottle of greygoose would not feel too bad right now........
     
  14. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    She was teasing you.
     
  15. Bigsnake

    Bigsnake OT Supporter

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    It's because when guys meet new girls they are thinking, "Will she be a good girlfriend/fuck buddy?" and you can get attached before you're even going out. It's happened to all of us and you honestly won't get over it until you stop talking/seeing her or you find someone else.
     
  16. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    yep I know by the end of this weekend will have completely forgot about it. Yesterday..... well this past week has been hell so I just wanted to get crap off of my chest/vent:o . Finding out about the friendzoning just kinda set me off but today feel great and can't wait for the weekend:coold:
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Poco is right on as usual, definitely take all that to heart.

    What I would like to discuss is your overall philosophy with women and life in general.

    What do you want from a woman? Specifically. What type physically, what type of activities, etc. You can't get what you want until you KNOW what you want.

    Having a clear-cut type of woman helps you in 2 ways. First, you have a target to shoot for, a goal to reach. Secondly, you are now able to QUALIFY women based on your criteria. Say you meet a woman and you are getting a little interested, then she mentions her child. Dealbreaker. Politely tell her that you are only interested in women without children. (You just friendzoned her. hah!).

    Your first instinct will be that this is cruel and rude for you to say. That's your social conditioning talking. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you having standards and sticking to them. That is just the sort of decisiveness
    women are attracted to.

    Another benefit is that now you are more likely to lay back and observe when you first meet a woman. Instead of trying to figure out how to get her to be your girlfriend, you will be paying attention to see if she meets your criteria. YOU do the choosing, not HER!

    Your inner beliefs about women are a huge hurdle as well. From what you posted, it is obvious that in your mind, you place a greater value on HER than on YOURSELF. This causes you to try to please her, to be passive (letting her control the interactions), and basically thats what allows you to be put in a position to be friendzoned.

    She is not the problem. You have to be humble and put your ego aside and realize that you are responsible for where you are in life and with women. She is acting in her best interest. But you expect her to somehow take the lead and also do things that are in your interest. That is unrealistic and isn't going to happen.

    The only way to have the success you want with women in the long term is to change your internal belief that she is the prize to be won.

    You have to believe that you are the prize, and you have to make her work to get the prize. Women want a man they have to work for, and they want you to pick them over other women.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2006
  18. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    Thanks man you and Poco have really put this in perspective:wiggle: . I usually never go crazy over a chick I don't know why this one was different but i clearly see my mistakes and now will be prepared for this again if I find myself in a similar emotional situation.
     
  19. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Did you type this wrong? She is the prize or he is the prize? You are contradicting yourself.

    Personally, I am of the mind that HE should be the prize. ;)
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    He said change the belief that she is the prize. Meaning change it to YOU (he) are the prize.
     
  21. symptic

    symptic I run companies

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    Most guys fuck themselves the instant they acknowledge the "friend zone" exists.
     
  22. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    He currently believes that she is the prize, and he needs to change this belief.

    Re-read it and it will make sense :)
     
  23. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    One thing I noticed it was kinda weird. A few friends and I decided to go to a local coffee joint and it was posted on facebook(posted on a friends wall "hey are you going to Sweet Bay tonight?". As I was leaving we noticed her and a few friends in there............ To my knowledge she does not go there much. Is this a weird coincidence or is this planned? When we saw them I did not talk to them we just waved and said "Hi" as we passed and just went on with what we were doing.
     
  24. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    omg, this isn't junior high, girls don''t often plan to be where guys are...and if she had done that, she probably would have been more aggressive towards you, ya know?

    Why are you worrying about it? She was there. You should have used the opportunity to do more than just say "hi".
     
  25. no come down

    no come down ..... and in this place you'll see me OT Supporter

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    in my opinion a semi-rude "hi" was just what you needed to do.you didnt say how the evening at the coffee shop went, but in my opinion, sitting in visual range of her, showing her you having a good time, being the life of the group, christ maybe even introducing yourself to some new(female) people would have been wonderful. not just to show her that you are over her, but to show YOURSELF that you are over her. confrim to youself that you dont need her approval to be happy.


    ps lifting is so very good too. the confidence, the distractions, the motivation.
     

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