SRS Soon to be ex wife questions...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by deadmeat, Apr 5, 2010.

  1. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    I am about to be divorced. Long story but I eventually ended up telling her that if she didn't like life with me to GTFO but she was going to have to be the one to file. I gave her the money, she filed, I'm not contesting anything. Her filing was very fair except for child support. I can take her to court at a later date to modify that if I decide to. Filing was a March 18th.

    What I don't understand is that she's been getting progressively nicer since the beginning of March.

    I just got off the phone with her - she called me at work to see if I wanted to go to lunch with her and kids.

    She's been a complete cunt to me for 5+ years, but now for some reason she's been kissing my ass (there's other stuff too, like actually cleaning/getting a job...)?

    Or is she just finding out that no other guys really want to put up with her shit either?
     
  2. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Its been a huge wake up call so now she's being more conscious about things in general I'd imagine.
     
  3. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    You can't wait to fix child support. Child support courts are notoriously anti-men. You have to get it right the first time.

    If there is something about child support you don't like once the divorce is finalized it will be unchangeable.
     
  4. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    I can demonstrate that she made incorrect assumptions in order to calculate child support. I'm not about to ask to change anything because she explicitly stated in the paperwork she does not request spousal support and denies it until basically the end of time. I want the divorce to go through exactly how she requested it and then request the courts to re-address the calculation once it's final. I would be better served paying the amount at first rather than running the risk of having to fight her on spousal support.

    I can swing the current stated amount, I just shouldn't have to. As it sits right now I cannot lose unless she modifies something somehow, which she can't do without my knowing. Thus far the whole thing has only cost me about $500.

    My biggest concern is that she's getting a taste of how difficult life in the real world really is and may consider chickening out. I'm getting divorced from her no matter what she does.
     
  5. asshole

    asshole dont eat yellow snow! OT Supporter

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    Just be careful with child supprt thing talk to your lawyer and then take it from there. It may be harder than you think to get things changed on the tail end.
     
  6. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    from my experience when people do a 180 there is probably a reason. not a reason that they want to be simply nicer to you, but bc they WANT something from YOU.

    maybe she realizes that you will be more giving, including child support situation if she is nice than if she continued to be a cunt.
     
  7. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Personally I wouldn't give her a penny in formal support than the law requires. It's a table that works off of both people's income. Trust me, it's more than fair for her. If it turns out you want to give in excess of the judgement, you can always hand her cash. Modifications cost money and court fees.
     
  8. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    Yeah. She fubared the calculation on the tables. I'm simply going to point it out once it's final so she can't realize she's getting less money and renig on the 'no spousal support' part. I can afford the amount anyhow, and I know she's planning her future budget based on that number. It's passive aggressive of me but fuck her.

    Dinner waiting for me. Interesting.

    I wonder what she's up to...
     
  9. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Tell us you have a lawyer, have already been to see him/her/it and have planned this all out with the lawyer.

    Go ahead and lie. Tell us this is the truth. Cause what you say makes sense... but dude, it is legal crap. Only God knows how this can turn out till it turns out. Know damned well SHE has been to a lawyer. And if she hasn't... well.... stupid her.
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

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    That's probably close to the truth.



    But I advise you: continue on with the divorce.

    Don't let a temporary nice girl act blind you to 5+ years of consistent behaviour.

    You know what she's like when she's all settled in. She will eventually return to her normal set point.

    I can all but guarantee it.

    Proceed with the divorce at the previously decided-upon timeline. Don't dally. No need to press fast forward, but definitely do not press pause.

    Update when you can.
     
  11. Benay148

    Benay148 New Member

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    one question: did you get to that joint account before her
     
  12. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    I do not have a lawyer, we have been to a mediator together. I have a lawyer in the family and talked to him about it. I don't want to say can't lose, but if I let this flow uncontested then it doesn't even go to court in California. Once it's final in the courts, whatever she has in the documentation takes affect. I have been assured that I can contest it later. I am fine with the terms the way it sits, so things can only improve. If for some reason I lose in court I'm still ahead because it's still cheaper than being married to her. Because of the way she filed (basically a DIY job with a helper) they MUST inform me with a certified letter or serve me via a third party service. The courts also make available any filed paperwork pertinent. All I have to do is check with the clerk of the court every few weeks and make sure there's no surprises. If there is, I hit her with both barrels, including her drug use and having her declared unfit.

    I am proceeding no matter what. I'm going to feel bad for her though. Don't confuse that with weak. I only feel bad because I've known her since I was 16 and she was 12. We had been friends FOREVER. She pretty much snapped when she had the kids. Had I know we would NEVER have had kids.

    Have not had a joint account with her for 7 years or so. She sucks at math/budgeting. She grew up with no money so she's comfortable with razor thin margins between expenditures and intake. The bounced three checks, in one month, and our power got turned off. I cashed in a CD early and ate the penalty because of it. She has had her own account since.
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Tough times ahead, no doubt. But you're gonna come out golden.

    You have clarity of mind, and understand your purpose.
     
  14. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Honestly your being a fucking retard if you think she hasn't had something written in there that will fuck you over hard core. She was a cunt for 5+ years and now when the money talk comes about shes nice and you stop thinking about how much of a bitch she is. Don't become another damn fool who is going to get taken to the cleaners. At least get a lawyer or have that fellow in the family take a good look over the papers. Then go out and get a second opinion. That money isn't for her anyways, its for your kids but you can bet your ass that if she wants to use it for whatever she will.

    My friend is a father, had a kid when he was 15. Tell me how I know what a women will do a man in these kind of situations.
     
  15. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    Haha. Would you like to see the paperwork?

    I've read it. My lawyer cousin has read it.

    It's survivable exactly as written.

    My question wasn't really about analysis of the divorce, just about her behavior.

    Thanks for sharing though.

    We've known each other since we were kids, her family is about to eject her because of this.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2010
  16. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    She's being nicer to you now because you're no longer a leech on her psyche. That's making it easier for her to remember what it was she liked about you in the first place.

    (I'm not saying you're actually a leech, just that she clearly felt that way before, and now she doesn't.)
     
  17. CalicoJackie

    CalicoJackie New Member

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    It's because she wants your money. She doesn't want you to fight to give her less. I know it's not an original statement, I just feel like the point needs to be reenforced as much as possible.
     
  18. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    maybe she's happy it will be over and is in a better mood now and now that she doesn't have to please you she is a happier person.

    when i decided to break up with my ex i became a happy person for last few days because i knew my suffering would be over and i wouldn't have to deal with her shit anymore.
     
  19. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    No clue why she's be nicer, I've always found women do that when they want something, so I'd just watch for that.

    Also your lawyer cousin and your take on the law might not suit how things actually are. People don't get fucked over because divorce court or child support is fair and just for all, I'd really talk to a divorce lawyer even if just getting them to go over the papers and give some advice, it really can't hurt to ask someone that knows more about that particular subject than either of you.

    Anyhow I'd watch and see what she does, if she wants something it will come out, it could be as simple as she poisoned your food and just wants to collect the life insurance before it's all said and done. Not likely, but who knows I find that most people are crazy in the end.
     
  20. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    Not to be an asshole or anything, but maybe she found someone else already and this explains her good mood?

    Or maybe she went to the doctor and got on antidepressants.
     

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