SRS sometimes I scared of what I might write

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by durondude, Sep 23, 2006.

  1. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    so last night i had a dream that i kicked this one fool off a cliff. next thing i know, I'm in free fall off a cliff so i turned and flipped the fucker who kicked me off. i never felt so betrayed, offended, confused at the same time before. so i wake and walk to the bath room to take a piss. i hit everything except the toilet and i wake up to find that the bath room scene was a dream and i was now soaked in my own piss. still warm from the fresh urine, i stumble out of bed and start dripping all over my floor... it was then i saw the padding on my walls.

    so i come home to this card on my bed. it's unopened and i don't recall seeing it at all before this day. I opened it to find that it is a birthday card to me but my birthday wasn't for another week. I decided to read.

    The card told me that this person had decided not to be my friend anymore and hadn't been my friend for a long time. This was what this person meant by telling me to forget about past memories and look forward to new ones. As i finished reading the card, i still could not decide if this was an old card from the previous year or a new card that someone had dropped off.

    This was my last friend. I felt like a dog that had been left out in the middle of butt fuck no where. How could it be that everyone can move on so quickly? where the fuck was I during all of this? Probably at work. You see that's my problem. I was probably at work with my own mind.... trying too many things for my own good... oh well this is life. Fucked up.

    i caught myself just before i was going to have another nightmare last night. i still woke up in a cold sweat. my room never looked so big and dark. I felt shadows staring me down as if waiting for me to exhale. the wind was blowing outside and i could hear my hard drive spin up. wtf? they're coming for me.. i wrap myself up in my blanket and just kept thinking, "they won't see me if I can't see them" it'll be okay! holy shit i can feel that breathing on my neck.... oh shit oh shit oh... wait wtf i'm in a dream again... fucking slap yourself and wake up!! so.. i wake up in a cold sweat again....

    im sorry for all that this heart has caused. cursed be those who lay paths unto my soul for they will never find that which they seek. blessed are those who stay the fuck away as far as the east is from the fucking west. the moon looked so big that night when i felt myself let go. letting go was the easy part.. at least easier than keeping yourself from going back...

    i'll never go back to a life...

    im scared of what i'll do, if i find out i have testicular cancer. perhaps i'll buy some makeup and move to korea.

    and so the end comes again too late. I've changed my mind about living 'til another time. Maybe this is the way things were meant to be... maybe it was my choice... maybe there was a glitch in the matrix. Who da fuck is messing with my code?

    So I wake up to again find myself stuck in this useless body. WTF does a guy nucca have to do? With every breath I breathe in, I'm hoping maybe the next exhale will be my last. Thoughts of my life past me by, and it's the longest fucking show I've ever seen yet gone in a flash. Oh shit I better brake, there's a huge muther fucking truck merging in to my lane. I shat my pants. Great, just fucking great. Another great fucking start to another ya fucking hoo day.

    :hs:
     
  2. Mark

    Mark Diesel Junkie

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,042
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    I'm seriously confused. I cant tell when your writing about a dream or real life. Hope you feel better tho :hug:
     
  3. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    21,387
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    madison
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    if you submitted this to a writing workshop you would get a good grade, whether or not it's for real
     
  5. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    What kind of drugs are you on, again?
     
  6. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2004
    Messages:
    8,396
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronots
    A+ excellent story, will read again!
     
  7. Mark

    Mark Diesel Junkie

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,042
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    This is not Off Topic, its The Asylum. please reply accordingly.
     
  8. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    It is what it is. A second is a long time to think. Even though I'm afraid of what might come out, I'd rather not let it stick around for too long.

    It helps me cope with the reality that I'm faced with. My thoughts sometimes skew into their own little place where time has no affect. The out come is what have just read. It helps me find peace, find love, find trust. It helps me.
     
  9. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    I am not on drugs.
     
  10. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    I'm afraid of the think that saves my life over and over again. These words are just text on a page, bits in a database. Strange how everything is connected. How many words must I write and how many thoughts will it take, to save someone elses life? I wonder.
     
  11. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    The trees are laughing at me
    so many cars yet i feel alone
    all the road signs seem to point down
    the sky never seemed so blue and gray at the same time
    the road is ahead and behind... I'm stuck in the middle
    stuck in the middle
    holy crap!
     
  12. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    I need to sneeze. If I can only sneeze, I'll feel better. Come on nose! wtf? Oh you're gonna tease me like that? WTH I just spent what seemed to by hours looking like a 'tard so I could sneeze and now you just...... AHH CHOOO. wtf. Snot is everywhere now. Great, just fucking great.
     
  13. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Go get professional help.
     
  14. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    Why would I need professional help for something I can take of myself? Putting my thoughts down on paper helps me see how insane everything sounds, it's then I calm down and go on with my life.
     
  15. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    No - go get a journal! Start chronicling these. It's both therapeutic and a worthwhile read. When you've filled the journal, see if any of the snippets make a worthwhile base for a story. You have a lyrical touch - use it!

    You think Stephen King doesn't wake up some days thinking, "Now that was some seriously fucked up shit!". Of course he does, just like everyone else - except with one difference: he serializes it, then profits.

    1. nightmare/wierd thoughts
    2. write them down
    3. shape them into a story
    4. ???
    5. profit
     
  16. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2004
    Messages:
    8,396
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronots
    agreed..........
     
  17. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    Thanks everyone. I just might start up a little journal site maybe i'll open it up for members only. Maybe one day I'll make millions, maybe one day. Until then, this is where my little corner will be, where my thoughts can run free.
     
  18. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    I have thought about the alternative. Time after time, it plays out right in front of my eyes. Sometimes, I'm too occupied to notice, other times I just don't care to look. Have my eyes been shut for too long? Was I beginning to feel comfortable in darkness? If the mind wanders long enough, will it be able to lose itself? Lose it's host? What would take its place? Perhaps darkness, perhaps sadness, perhaps all or perhaps none.

    Reality sometimes seems like a dream. A dream to those who cannot stay in it for too long. Perhaps all of life is one big dream. What would happen if everyone woke up? What would happen if there existed people no more. Would reality cease? How would a dream continue on if there were no more participants? Would reality were real if the dream of life stopped?

    Would space and time stop? Would light continue on its path if there were no eyes to receive it? Would time continue still count forward if there were no one to age in it? I guess we'll never know, or perhaps we do and we're all just blinded by our own existence. Has life cursed us to this lie that is. Cursed with this blood flowing through our veins. These thoughts trapped in our brains. What great things we could achieve. If dying meant simply giving up these restraints, why is everyone afraid? Maybe no one wants to wake up, because the reality of it is, nobody that has ever woken up has been able to go to sleep again and tell us about it.


    "To sleep, per chance to dream; For in that eternal sleep of death, what dreams may come."
     
  19. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    Get something you can back up. Nothing would suck worse than pouring heart and soul into something for months to have it obliterated by someone else's hand.
     
  20. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    I print everything out and keep it in a folder. Two copies of every page, one to burn and one to keep. After it's burned they are no longer my thoughts but only my past. To be kept and looked back upon; To remember who I was and what made me who I am today.
     
  21. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    I'm staring at a wall again, it sits there all day beyond my computer screen. I swear my cubical is shrinking, or maybe it's just the mess that keeps building up. I think I'll clean it today, or maybe tomorrow. Depends on how much work I have I guess, oh shit that reminds me, I have a meeting 5 minutes ago. Crap. I'm going to need my red pen that I forgot at home. I hate keep having to take that darn thing home because someone always steals it when I'm not here. I wish I was color blind so I'd at least have an excuse. There is blue transparent push pin on my board, I've never seen that before. I've never seen my board before. Is it new? I guess it is. I hear the mission impossible theme. It's my phone again, it's my boss again. Probably calling to ask where I'm at. These thoughts will have to wait. Pause, on.
     
  22. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    Don't look down on me just because I'm shorter and you can't physically help it,
    underneath this pain lies a path to the truth, hopefully.
    Rightfully my own, my life and way of, comes through,
    only me myself and I can change who I used to be.
    Not only the wrongs but also the ugly and fucked up stuff.
    Dancing in the winds of change, this has got me scared shit faced.
    Utterly and completely my who image is fading day by day.
    Darkness and my light seem to be fighting a never ending battle.
    Everlasting and completely, it will make my soul remember.

    The message is sent.
     
  23. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    Honestly, some of your material is unpolished and trite. You should keep writing. You should take some workshops to improve your abilities, since you do seem to be interested.
     
  25. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

    Joined:
    May 7, 2001
    Messages:
    24,063
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Earth, The Planet
    I agree. I don't claim to be a good writer as I never did well in any of my language arts or English classes. I'm hoping my skills in writing will improve as I write more and more.
     

Share This Page