SRS something out of nothing?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by zooenthusiast, Dec 3, 2006.

  1. zooenthusiast

    zooenthusiast New Member

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    Ok so my only boyfriend, up until this point, and I do not speak. He refuses to speak to me even. This bothers me because I spent 2 years of my life with him, gave him my virginity, he was my first love, and I still care about him and he obviously doesn't care about me. So his behaviour now leads me to question his feelings then. How could he haved loved me or cared about me they way he said he did then if he acts this way now? So this being said, I have a new boyfriend, and really this is where my problem is. The lead up is just to give you perspective on why I have a couple insecurities on relationships now.

    ANYWAY...My new boyfriend. I like him very much and he has told me he likes me very much, but he just does not seem to show it AT ALL. He does not call me ever, just to talk or really for any reason, he never initiates any kind of sex or foreplay, I don't think if I kissed him he would kiss me, and we're far enough along in the relationship that "I love you" is not that weird, and I told him that I loved him because I do, and he says it back, but never once has he just said it. I really don't understand, because He still looks at me with affection and he holds my hand and hugs me and shows little signs that way, but other than that he seems completely indifferent. So I'm freaked that he may not actually like me or care about me the way I think he does or he says he does (much like how I question boyfriend #1's feelings now).

    So am I making something out of nothing?
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Regarding boyfriend #1. No doubt he loved you, but you are no longer together.

    The fact that he refuses to speak to you (i.e is unable to) is a clue to the depth of his feelings.
    He's probably done this because it hurts to be in contact with you any longer after the significant history you shared. Accept that. Realize what it means. Read between the lines. And know that it isn't always about you.

    You sound very young due to your misconceptions about love and feelings and how people express themselves.

    You also seem to need a great deal of reassurance, even demanding it when practically speaking it is really not possible to show, given the situation of boyfriend #1.

    As for boyfriend #2, understanding that you have a need for reassurance of affection, why don't you talk to your boyfriend and let him know that you need him to be this way for you.

    Understand that teenage boys (I assume he's teenage, because you certainly sound like a teen/pre-teen girl) generally do not behave like this.



    So...two things:

    #1...talk to him. Let him know what you need. Express yourself. Gently. Don't nag him or get on his case, that's not going to soften his feelings toward you.

    And #2...understand that he's really not going to be able to emotionally express what you wish he would. Very few guys under 30 would really be able to. The ones that do...you probably wouldn't look twice at, and certainly wouldn't date.

    At least, not with the depth and conviction it would take to satisfy someone like you.

    So basically, I'm saying... Meet him halfway. Get it?


    And if he can't or won't...well then, try a different boyfriend.
     
  3. zooenthusiast

    zooenthusiast New Member

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    thank you. that is sound advice.
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    That's not true, I am able to and I'm young.
    :o :uh:
     

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