SRS Something needs to change

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by purebad, Aug 28, 2006.

  1. purebad

    purebad I don't need your approval, right?

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    Ok here it goes:

    I'm 21 years old, and starting my senior year in college. When I was a kid my family moved around a lot, about every 3-4years from various job transfers/promotions. This made it really hard to make friends, or ever feel comfortable with a group of friends. I've never had a girl friend, ever. Once about 2 weeks before I moved when I was starting highschool I found out a girl who a group of us had been hanging out with over the summer was interested in me....great fucking timing...so away I moved, and that was that.

    Now to the even worse part, still haven't ever kissed a girl... So I sure as shit don't want to graduate college without atleast one damn kiss. I am looking for some advice to get out and in "the game". I could go to bars, but I would be very uncomfortable to go alone, even though that would be the best chance to meet someone. And if I went with people I knew I would most likey just talk with them and not be on the look out for meeting.

    With people I've talked to about this my main issue seems to be confidence. I have a habit of coming off as shy, or unpersonable to people I don't know.
    Hell, maybe its part of my childhood to not want to get too close to people until I know they will be around for a while.

    So I'm looking for help on how to build selfconfidence, and not be so affriad of rejection, or even just great ways to meet girls. I just keep looking around at my peers and they make it seem so easy. And everyday that goes by it seems like my chances are just slipping away. Thanks for any comments/advice in advance.
     
  2. Artyboy

    Artyboy Necessity is the excuse for every infringement of

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    Don't be shy and don't fear rejection. You will get shot down by women, especially when you're first trying to figure out how to approach them. If you're the guy that's constantly sitting in the corner of the bar staring at your beer then don't expect much. Go out with friends. Try lots of differant things. Go bowling one night. Go to a karaoke bar another night. Talk to people when you go out. Eventually you'll fall in with a group that you like to hang out with.
     
  3. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    It sounds more like the problem ISNT you, just bad timing/bad situations. Now that youll be staying in the same location (college) for months on end, chances are youll meet someone.
    Dont beat yourself up for the moving situation when you were younger. Any good quality woman will understand that.
     
  4. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    as to the kiss a girl yet, I can tell you right now you can walk into a party and kiss a drunk girl and get a slap :). But on a serious side let me help you. It is true girls like confidence and direction in a male. To build self-confidence you have to accomplish your own goals. This builds in yourself a mini-program where you know your own limits and can set reasonable goals for yourself to achieve. Once you start to achieve these goals then you start to want to better yourself over and over. Keep hitting the goals and then make new ones to hit.

    DON'T LET THOSE CHANCES SLIP AWAY! Bro you only live once tom. you could DIE. Especially in this radical world. Don't let em slip by. Next time you see a chance you are going to watch it pass and you are going to tell yourself there will be another one. DONT let that happen. Go in all-balls and do whatever you wanted to do. Granted this WONT work and will probably be the wrong timing as you waited like you always do, but as soon as you start learning to act on your instinct rather than your concious(sp) you will gain confidence. Right now when you go in to talk to her you will probably act awkward and weird, but let that happen. It will show you what doesnt work. Next time you will be cleaner and smoother. Rinse and repeat and you will soon be talking to the ladies like all the other "easy" guys do it.

    REMEMBER REJECTION WILL WILL WILL HAPPEN. YOU WILL BE DIENED. The sooner you start to learn how to cope with rejection the sooner you can start asking anyone to do anything.

    Good luck and feel free to ask anymore questons.
     
  5. John Blaze

    John Blaze New Member

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    What's your height/weight?(not that it's relavent)
     
  6. purebad

    purebad I don't need your approval, right?

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    5'11, 220 most people I know don't consider me fat, but broad shouldered/stout. I have more fat around my waist than I would like however.
     
  7. John Blaze

    John Blaze New Member

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    Maybe working out could give you a new sense of self worth?
    Really it's about not judging yourself through the eyes of others but through your own.
     
  8. purebad

    purebad I don't need your approval, right?

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    right, Ive tried it off an on in the past with limited results, but its hard to get on a routine and maintain it without seeing results, I posted in the health/fitness forum and am going to try out the hiit program.
     
  9. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Do you know of one guy friend of yours that is single, but is experienced/skilled with women? My advice would be to go out with ONE other guy and try for both of you to pick up women together. That way, you can watch his game/style, learn what works, and apply that for yourself. And if he's a good enough buddy, he'll "take one for the team" and wing-man for you if you need it. :bigthumb:

    The other option is to go with an average-attractive girl who you don't have feelings for. Even though you're just together as friends, other girls who might have other interests in mind may take notice of you if you're with a decent looking companion -- that being the "I want what I can't have" syndrome. Ideally, these women might take the initiative to flirt/send signals to you, and make it easier for you to make your move. :cool:
     
  10. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    be confident in being you. go out and have a good time - just be yourself and be confident and girls will be attracted to that.
     
  11. bejames

    bejames New Member

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    You won't stick with it, if you're just "trying it out"
    Just commit yourself to the HIIT workout 4-5 times a week (make it part of your life).
    Write up notes and put it all over your room.
    And how are you going to start the HIIT program? on a treadmill? out in a park? or in a school field?
    On the side note, are you eating well? lifting heavy? pushups, pullups, situps?

    "but its hard to get on a routine and maintain it without seeing results"

    Yea, I had the same experiences. I would go at it for a week or two very high intensity and the results were hardly noticable, so I would stop and pick up after a couple of weeks..
    But everything changes if you stick with the game plan and your mind's on track.


    On topic; I'm in a similar situation as you. Though, I haven't started Uni/College yet, but will do so soon.
    But some of the information on this site really does help. I use fz for help and it does work, but I've chickened out on asking for the number, or when I do get the number.. I never call back (I know, I'm a dumb ass.) But I'll get it right, sooner or later.

    Anyways, keep your head up, stick your chest out and put some confidence into your foot steps.

    PS, Hello to the OT Community, a new comer has arrived.
     
  12. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    Keep this in mind. If you go to bars/clubs looking for girls don't expect to find a serious relationship.Not sure if you want that or not but a lot of the girls that hang out at bars around your age are not the girlfriend type.

    I'm shy too and a lot of times the reason I've hooked up wtih girls is because somebody tells me that the girl is interested in me because the girl told her friend and so on. That looks like what needs to happen for you. Maybe try and get a friend to see if he can try and just get some people over his house where its just going to be you and a girl and your friend and his girl.

    Be glad you're a senior in college and not just some loser thats never been kissed. You will graduated at a young age and be able to start your life. Girls will come along.
     

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