Something is wrong with me

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by GiRaff3, Jul 13, 2009.

  1. GiRaff3

    GiRaff3 New Member

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    I am relatively new to sharing my thoughts online like this, and have not done it before in this forum. Here is my life right now:

    26
    In the military
    married
    3 y/o son
    wife is 3 months pregnant with child #2

    I drive a car I like. Money is generally not an issue (car loan and typical bills). I have some good friends.

    I think something is wrong with me though.

    I have a hard time spending time with my son, he annoys the hell out of me sometimes. He is a great kid, smart and energetic, but every time that I try to hang out with him, I get bored or annoyed quickly.

    I am attracted to my wife still, but my sex drive is weird. I do not want it as much as I used to, and it does not feel as fulfilling as it once did. There have been a few times where my wife was horny and I just kind of blew her off.

    I don't know if I am depressed or something, but I keep thinking about death. Sometimes certain thoughts and memories enter my mind and I get fixated on them. I have been pretty stressed out, between locking down a military job, moving, being in a military school, and typical life drama. I am not the kind of person that likes to use stress as a crutch, I believe everyone has their own issues to deal with, and it is not an excuse to act out.

    I do not find as much joy in my hobbies anymore. For example, I play computer games, mostly FPS, and I can barely sit down and play for 15 minutes, when I used to be able to play for hours straight. I used to bowl in high school and college, but now I could give less of a damn. I have some parts to install on my car, which I have always enjoyed, but I can't find the motivation to do the work.

    I am living a life that I think many people would be happy with. My wife doesn't give me much of a hard time when I do the things I want to do. She is loyal and has been supportive during some very stressful times.

    I have learned a lot about myself over the last few years and I have been making attempts to fix flaws that I have seen in myself. I know that I have been a selfish prick for a long time, so I have tried to give back to my friends and my wife for their loyalty and commitment to me. I still have a hallow feeling though.

    It sucks knowing that I have it pretty good, but I feel like their should be more. Does everyone feel like this at some point? Am I just not ready to accept my life? Am I not cut out to be a family man?

    grrr...
     
  2. greenpillow

    greenpillow New Member

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    Yeah.. you need to get some help... but you prob wont because it will hurt your pride.. I know how this goes.. hell i'm married to one.
     
  3. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    is there anything you do want?
     
  4. tarheel

    tarheel Guest

    Try finding a new hobby? Perhaps you feel like you got involved with someone too early? Perhaps you want a new career? Maybe you didn\'t wake up on the right side of the bed? All I can say is we don\'t know, but I\'ve been in your shoes once. It took me to find a new hobby and a new group of friends. Once you\'re accustomed to things you grow tired of it. Switch something up.
     
  5. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    I'm guessing part of this is the "quarter life crisis" Generation Y finds itself dealing with more and more.

    It's basically the trouble of having childhoods in our generation stretch out into the 20s and even early 30s for some.

    Eventually, you outgrow the things that brought you happiness. I used to be a huge FPS video game fanatic for sure... but they just aren't that interesting any more. Losing my love for video games was akin to a foodie losing his sense of taste, a music nerd become deaf, etc.

    However, I did find other things to bring me happiness.

    I'm guessing when your son turns old enough to start doing things, you'll be able to find activities you both enjoy.

    I'm also thinking you should start looking for other hobbies. Video games and modifying cars was INSANELY fun when I was 18-22, but they bring me no joy anymore. Pick up Golf. You are probably sick and tired of shooting and camping, being in the Army and all, so go out and find something to do that makes you happy.

    You seem like a smart person from your initial post. Were you combat arms? If so, do you think the nature of your profession may have something to do with your current mental state?
     
  6. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I would strongly suggest talking to someone, maybe not your wife, but someone external who can look at it from an unbiased view point - and someone who knows what they are talking about?

    The leaps I go to?
    You don't want to connect with your son because you are afraid something might happen to you and you think it would be easier on him if there wasn't a connection to sever?
    Your wife is pregnant, her hormones are being excreted and absorbed by you and you are thinking about death all the time which is bloody depressing :( (been pregnant three times and all three times had episodes of tears and fear about leaving my kids behind)
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    You need to take a vacation or something. Maybe you're getting annoyed with familiarity.
     
  8. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    This!
    Also seek professional help. I spent some time at a military school and when I'm done with my bachelor I'll be contracting, and it is always so surprising to me how seeing a therapist or psychiatrist is so looked down on. It's great help and there isn't any reason for it to hurt your pride. I guess I also like to listen to myself talk and thats a great opportunity :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2009
  9. GiRaff3

    GiRaff3 New Member

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    I do not see myself sitting down and talking with someone, and then at the end they are like, YEP! YOU HAVE ABC AND XYZ WILL FIX IT! Really though, even if I wanted to, I do not have the time right now to even get some of my medical issues checked out.

    I was thinking while in the shower this morning, which is my #1 place to think, that I do not know if I am ready to accept THIS as the rest of my life. Maybe that I am better suited for something different. Maybe I could be HAPPIER doing something else. I only get one life.

    Well, all of my friends are 1.5 hours or more away, so I am going to be making new friends in the near future. I already have quite a few hobbies, but overall really nothing "does it" for me anymore. I get some joy, it is something to do, but meh...

    As far as getting involved too early, my wife and I met in high school, dated some, broke up, got back together a while later in college, drama drama, and got married about 6 months after I joined the Army. I guess you could say she is a "known quantity"to me and I knew what I was getting into. Part of the problem is that we used to be much more active when we were younger, and that we were always around friends. Once we were out on out own, she really didn't have any hobbies or friends and kind of burnt me out. I wanted to do my own thing, continue the hobbies, hang out with new friends, and she was just depending on me. Over the 4 years of our marriage, she has improved, but it has been rough at times. Right now we are on the same page about as much as we have ever been, which is good.

    Your post makes sense, I never thought about the extended childhood aspect. I joined the Army at 21 and I guess I could say that is when I got down to business and reality sunk in. I have still had a lot of fun and traveled quite a bit, but I have calmed down and matured a lot in comparison to my late teens.

    As far as the military, I am not combat arms and have been lucky enough to not have experiences to jack me up.

    When it comes to my son, it is kind of the opposite. I would like him to have lots of positive memories for my upcoming deployment. I still have a bit of time to get to know him better, and if something were to happen, I would want him to remember something of me.

    I like this idea...a lot...


    THANKS for the replies and thoughts everyone.
     
  10. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Not married no kids crew checking in...

    Change it up. Im just about 23 and im going through something similar. Everything I do bores me. Once I get out of work, I know what im doing with my day, everyday. My hobbies don't peak my interest anymore, although I do 'enjoy' them, I have no motivation to really get into them. My car right now is the only 'enjoyment' I have as far as hobbies goes, and it sucks.

    You need to make change. Stop doing the same things daily, do something that would make your wife go, "what the...", catch her off guard.

    Routine sucks man, and once you get into the 'life' routine, its no fun and can completely demoralize you of everything
     
  11. tarheel

    tarheel Guest

    Don't have any regrets, but at the same time - you have kids, so do not back out on it for their sake unless necessary. I feel like you aren't completely happy, but I'm glad to hear you're getting on the same page. She may also need a change as well! You two can be feeling the same thing.
     
  12. greenpillow

    greenpillow New Member

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    I feel sorry for your wife.. she has to put up with this.. she is pregnant and has a young son.. and YOU think you should take a vacation ALONE?! you sound selfish.

    It seems to me that your wife has been understanding... maybe you should find a sitter for your son and go on vacation with your wife.

    YOU DONT WANT to go sit down and talk to someone because you dont THINK it will help (but prob because you think they will think you are flat out nutz).. this is why MOST men dont go see someone.. but they DO help.. and they CAN help.. Depression is nothing to mess with.. you should go find out if that is what you have because it is what it sounds like..

    But like i said.. you wont and your ways will end your relationship with your wife and child. Your wife can only do so much.. but im sure she will get burnt out real quick aswell trying to make up what you are lacking in twords your son and trying to be there for the new baby. Put down the video games.. GO OUTSIDE and try out your big boy pants and find something grown up that you like to do..

    I know my husband had a hard time when the kiddos were younger because they could not share in his hobbies.. my son is now 3 and rides his bike with out training wheels.. He now goes on mountian bike rides with his daddy and abby goes for runs with him..
     
  13. tarheel

    tarheel Guest

    When did he say he was going alone? And, what is wrong with going alone? Hell, he's deployed for time during the year, a total removal from existence can be beneficial.

    Why do you automatically put blame on him when he feels like his wife was not helping the situation?

    "Grown up to do"? Well aren't you the epitome of maturity. How about living your life as what he finds exciting. I find playing with legos at 21 to be awesome. I'm sure you read philosophy.
     
  14. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

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    PTSD?

    Take some vacation and if that doesn't work see a counselor.

    Being in the military myself, i have seen this happen alot coming back from the desert. They are there to help.

    I'm not sure if you went there or not..symptoms like these sometimes take immediate effect, while sometimes they take years to sink in.

    Either way i wish you nothing but the best.
     
  15. greenpillow

    greenpillow New Member

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    Lol go back and read the part where his wife is supportive of him.. He needs to suck it up and get some help and take a hit to his man card.
     
  16. tarheel

    tarheel Guest

    She's not being what he wants. They need to fix it. Being on the same page temporarily doesn't mean it'll last. Things should be discussed because his head is on himself, his kids, and his job. She should be a pleasure to see, not a drag.
     
  17. GiRaff3

    GiRaff3 New Member

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    I am going to be lazy and not quote stuff, but I will still respond.

    If I were to go on vacation, it would be with at least my wife, if not with my son also. I guess I did not point that out specifically. It isn't like I hate being around them, or I dislike my wife and our relationship, I really want things to work. I have way too much invested to just give up right now. Her and I both have our issues to deal with.

    As far as sucking it up to get help, I just don't see myself doing that. I have talked to my wife about my stress and how it makes me feel, so that is why she has been so understanding. When things get settled down, I am going to try and switch things up. Right now the nature of my life is just boring. I am temporarily living with my parents, going to a boring ass school everyday, and just bored out of my mind. Once I have my own place again, start the new job, and the kid is born, I believe things will improve.

    I am not suffering from any form of PTSD, I have no deployed yet. I will be deploying within the next couple of years and I do not want to leave my family w/o having my feelings taken care of, for better or worse.

    I really appreciate everyone taking the time to read my non-sense and sharing your opinions/advice. Sometimes I feel like I am just being a bitch. I have it pretty good and there are people out there who really have serious shit to deal with. It also makes it harder for me to consider getting "help."
     
  18. tarheel

    tarheel Guest

    I don't believe in getting some Joe Schmoe to ramble about things that people can say to you online for free, so don't do it. It may be therapeutic because of a placebo effect, but that's it.

    Try not to think about it, don't try to quantify the amount of new things you are doing as a way to say "NOW I feel better because I did X amount of things."

    It's good to read that you are looking forward to things. Don't try jumping into something tomorrow, look for something to do in the future and start it at a set point in the future.

    www.instructables.com
    www.meetup.com

    Two decent places to see something new.
     
  19. GiRaff3

    GiRaff3 New Member

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    Thanks for the websites.

    It is hard for me not to dwell on the past and quantify things, it is just what I do. I would not call it a "grass is always greener" thing, but I always wonder.

    Again, I appreciate all of the comments and advice!
     
  20. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Midlife Crisis.
     
  21. GiRaff3

    GiRaff3 New Member

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    I hope not :hs:
     
  22. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    That's probably it man. You seem to be little depressed and that in turn makes you lazy. You want to do the right thing and make changes in your life, but at the same time you think that you are still getting older and that there are certain things you can't do or change anymore. Then you lose the willpower to finish things (Since you think it's not going to change anything for you) or enjoy life. What I can tell you man is this, at least you are not losing your hair? :wtc: . I'd probably have to get transplant in few months. It sounds like bullshit, but try appreciating what you have, maybe try diving your time between things you want to do and things you have to do. Slowly the things you have to do will become the things you want to do, because you get to do the things you really want to do. I'm sorry if it sounds like gibberish, but honestly the only time I get depressed is when either I have work left that I need to finish, or when I go long periods of time without any "me" time. Regarding your son it made me sad that you are not interested in him, maybe once he gets older he will have the ability to learn, then you can take him to trips and teach him how to do things, it's always fun showing people how to do things right.
     
  23. GiRaff3

    GiRaff3 New Member

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    It is weird, I enjoying teaching/instructing, I have done it in the military. When it comes to my son, he is at the stage where he asks questions about everything, and his personality really is starting to develop. He enjoys the things I do, such as watching me play video games, and he calls my car a race car. If I wasn't such a D-bag, he and I could be doing some serious bonding. I gave him his bath tonight, which was alright, but generally I feel too lazy and annoyed to deal with him.

    Deep down, I don't know if I like kids. At this point, I really do not have a choice. With number 2 on the way, I need to dig down deep and make some changes, because no kid deserves a half assed effort from their father. :wtc:
     
  24. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    That makes me really sad to hear. :hs: Poor little guy.
     
  25. GiRaff3

    GiRaff3 New Member

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    The crazy things is, even with all of the crap I am dealing with in my head, he is happy to see me all the time, I carry him around everywhere, and he greets me every time I walk in the door. We still hang out, but I think I could be doing more. I ALWAYS feel like I could be doing more...
     

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