SRS Something Interesting From Me

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by METALLlC BLUE, Jul 8, 2005.

  1. Well, at least I hope you'll find it interesting. I had planned on posting this in my blog and just letting it be, but I'd like to share it with the group here. This is a song I wrote tonight. It's about my sister Nadine who is currently dying from hepatitis. Nadine unfortunately had a lot of problems fighting drug addiction, and ended up getting infected through the sharing of used needles.

    I heard the news a few days ago and went numb. I knew for a long time she was infected, but I didn't know what the outcome would be. I didn't really know how to feel. I know she'd been on interferon treatment and that the treatment failed. The last I heard she was living on the streets and emaciated from the infection. She would never come around me these days -- she's too ashamed of all her lies and ways, and probably thinks I don't love her anymore.

    These lyrics are my way of coping with these events, and talks about some of the things we shared, and memories that I have of her. I think grief -- knowing she'll be gone soon and that I won't see her, it she's already gone, and that's evident in the words.

    I still do not have a title. I only just finished it within the hour.

    Outside, ash skies are moving
    I'm alone, and though it shows now
    You hide --
    In your subtle way --
    the dull pain inside of you.

    Visible, those tracks remain
    Once clean -- uncluttered, your soul....
    I used to know --
    Unstained by crystalline --
    It doesn't matter to me
    We aren't thinking of you, yet......

    I hear your voice,
    I touch the rain
    Moist leaves under my feet
    Memories of you begin to rise --
    Beneath your sallow face --
    You're spirit once free, --
    Disguised, deep down underneath...
    all the lies, you know I don't believe...
    I wish I'd had a chance to be with you again.

    Summer fades, the winds are blowing
    Amber rays -- draping over the sky and,
    Peace it thrives,
    Shadows move across water
    Lightning crashes on the wake,
    Our fates concrete,
    And I believe, I'm careless and free
    Descending down on me now,

    Walking through the reeds,
    The salty breeze,
    sand beneath my feet
    And pain I feel,
    it's consuming but no one knows
    It can't be real......
    A piece of me is gone now
    It's so surreal,.....
    The sun light settles on the ocean,
    This never should have happened
    I'm yearning,
    I wish I'd had a chance to be with you.

    Summer fades, the breeze is blowing
    Amber rays -- draping over the sky and,
    I'm alive....
    Shadows move across water
    Lightning crashes on the wake,
    Our fates concrete,
    And I believe --
    Once hopeless you're free
    Descending down on me now,

    The tide it ebbs along the coast
    Puddles forming, along the water
    The rain -- it dies
    These feelings subside
    The horizon lay along my view
    The clouds dispel, and I'm alone
    With all these thoughts of you, and I'm.......
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 8, 2005
  2. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

    Dec 29, 2004
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    deep in the shadows of my mind...
  3. Eris

    Eris Yes please

    Jul 5, 2005
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    Hell on Earth, Az
    :hug: :wtc: :hug:
  4. If my blogs worked I'd share the other songs I wrote this week.

    Taste Of You
    How'd It Come To This
    A Reason
    A Girl Like That

    TOY: Is about falling for someone you can't have
    HICTT: Is about a relationship where two people spent more time arguing than loving each other, and seeing things crash and burn as a result
    AR: Is about the Columbine shootings.
    AGLT: Is about one night stands, and the consequence that follows.
  5. The Mighty Megatron

    The Mighty Megatron Secondborn of the best drummer known to man

    Jun 24, 2004
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    :hug: Beautiful song, mang. Which form of Hepatitis does she have? I know they have a cure for one of them, but I can't remember which. Then there's a really rare one with 100% fatality rate. Damn, I wish I could do something about this. I know what it's like to see someone you love so much waste away to nothingness. :love: mang :love:.
  6. Hep C. Liver transplatation once was an option, but that options is gone now. Ultimately it's not really the Hep C that got us to this point. It's what's in her head, the heroin, crack, coke addictions, Meth addictions - the prostitution, the multiple pregnancies, the streets - the self hate.

    She actually had a chance and was living in a new house which the state gave her - Section 8, and it was *really* nice, and she had a new baby girl. Everything went well for about a year while she was clean -- then the black tar called, and some not so nice people become coming around, and she went right back out. She abandoned the child, and neighbors found her days later alone.

    The situation is .......horrible, but common.
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Oct 8, 2002
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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Interferon-alfa three times a week, for a period of 12 weeks cures more then 90% of the hepatitus-c patients, You sure she has to die from this? :sad2:

    I would call your song ' the outlining skies ' by the way, how have you been doing yourself not that i want to move the attention away from your sister, i haven't had an update on your lyme situation for quite a while.

    For all what its worth i would try to get your sister out of that shit if possible. I can imagine however that that is too much to ask, but maby there's a way you can still reach out to her and tell how much you love her :hs:
  8. I'm sure. She's all of maybe 80lbs, and coked out, doped up and living out of boxes.

    Nadine has lived this way for as long as I've been sick. Almost 20 years. There ain't no way in heaven or hell she'll listen to anyone and no one can help her. She's been to rehab more times than I've posted on OT, and she's had so many opportunities to clean up - but the addiction is too strong. Nadine is what I call a lost cause. Only God can save her now. She's always had it her way, and it'll always be that way until she dies.

    She was on interferon for the full course. It didn't work, and so she tried again, but she became so ill from the therapy that she quit by her own choice. I gave her a multitude of information in order to recover, she just smiled and said thanks -- this was a few years ago. She probably didn't even hear a word I said, which wouldn't exactly be uncommon. Thanks for the idea. I already named the song earlier today. Ash Skies.

    I'm doing very well. I have a long way to go, but I'm well enough to begin exercise training, and I've been doing it for a few weeks now. I'd give my full recovery another two or three years at most and I should be 100%. I'm able to go out and do a lot of things now, but I'm still only at about 50% capacity of normal functioning. Much better than 25% which I was at prior to that most of the time.
  9. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

    Feb 23, 2004
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    dca -> nyc -> sfo -> san -> phl
    sorry to hear about your sister man.. had some friends and family members go the same route w/ drugs and stuff

  10. awwwdreyawww

    awwwdreyawww New Member

    Jun 15, 2004
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    born & raised So.Cal
    I really can't imagine what that is like. I thought being raised by alcoholics was bad, but one is sober now and the other one still has a good 10 years left I'm guessing before he dies. Still, I hate to say it, but I feel very fortunate after reading this and I pray that you and your family remain strong. Judging by all that I've seen you post in the forums, I must say you are an exceptional person. Keep writing.
  11. Both of my parents were also Alcoholics. They are both in recovery, but you know what it's like. The damage was already done, and by the time they recovered to a point where you could call them "sane" - it didn't really seem to matter.

    I can relate. Thank you for the compliment.

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