SRS Someone give me some guidance with a family dilemna?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by maseeh, Nov 16, 2006.

  1. maseeh

    maseeh Guest

    About 1 year ago I worked with my brother at a mortgage office, we both started the business together, I was his telemarketer and he was the loan officer.


    After several loans, I was getting paid close to nothing, got into plenty of arguements with him about it, but rarely got paid. I got sick and tired so I quit working and just did the whole staying at home and friends thing for a few months.

    I recently got back into the business, my brother is currently unemployed, has a wife and a kid. Tonight he gave me a call and gave me the worst guilt trip, basically he said

    "I'm your brother, you should be trying to help me out, if you do we'll 50/50 the money blah blah blah."

    My response was " I don't trust you, past experiences with you have been bad, I'm doing well on my own."

    Him "I'm struggling in life, I need some help"


    As a response I say " Well, god gave both of us mouths, how come you can't use yours to telemarket and do loans at the same time, plenty of people do this."


    Should I feel guilty, I can tell my brother is trying to manipulate me into working with him, I sort of feel guilty though.
     
  2. mg

    mg OT Supporter

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    don't beat yourself up over what you said;... because of how bad business was with him in the past, your reason for not trusting him is justified and very reasonable... i guess he needs to prove that you can trust him again; however, he is direct family though; is there any way you can help him by not committing full time to him? for instance, keeping your current job and lifestyle, but lend a little hand here and there for him by telemarketing for him for a day or two a week to help get him started?... is his wife unemployed as well?
     
  3. dazed

    dazed New Member

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    He's your brother. Regardless of the past, help him out.

    If we can't count on our family, who can we count on?

    I'm not saying go 50/50. I assume you solely own the business now, just give him a job. Nothing big and nothing close to what he was making before, but give him a job.
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    I think you were justified in both refusal and reasoning. If you don't want to do what he asks, then don't do it. Personally I'd want to see some evidence that he's not going to put you through the same shit as before. Does he have a plan (and an apology)? At what point will he be considered past the "struggling in life" part? What do YOU get out of it? How will your current success be safeguarded from his failings that caused your venture to tank the last time?

    Help him if you want to, but he shouldn't be looking to you for handouts. If he and his wife can't figure out how to put food on their table, it's not your problem. It's theirs. Don't fall into the trap of enabling their bad habits.
     
  5. pixing

    pixing New Member

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    perfect reply

    small business startups are really risky and a strain on all involved - I'm not sure whether it's worse doing it with a family member where many opinions could be thrust upon you and extra guilt because it is family - or - with someone you don't know as well and if they aren't as hard working as you are you can lose your shirt over their laziness

    your brother and his wife need to do whatever they can to support their new family - it's not on you

    since we have more than a few deadbeat relatives I can attest that it serves no purpose to help them if they refuse to help themselves

    if you want to give them a handout, go ahead, but don't consider it a loan
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Help your brother out; just don't go into business with him again.

    You can do simple things like invite the family over for dinner.

    This is not a "free" handout, well it is, in a way, but family dinners are pretty common and expected.

    You don't have to rub his nose in it, or make it obvious that you're "helping" him. He has his pride too.

    But the days of going into business together...long since past.
     
  7. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    So your brother is out of work and not making any money. It appears that his last business venture was a failure. I think you two don't make such a great team. Time to look on www.monster.com
     
  8. maseeh

    maseeh Guest

    We didn't start the business up together.

    We both started at a mortgage company together with no experience. Together we worked hard and we essentially trained ourselves along the way.

    I let the first couple of paychecks slide assuming he needed it more than me, but there was a point where I didn't have any money to get to work and he was taking all our co-workers out to dinner.


    I decided not to work with him, I'm sticking with my friend for now and we're doing pretty good. My brother isn't doing too bad either, my parents are paying for his rent, food, and everything else you could imagine.


    It's very frustrating, my brother was always the one that got the new jordans or the new games while I was the one that was considered book smart.


    He is now 25, I am 18, and things still seem to be the same.

    Parents are his main source of income and I work for mine.
     
  9. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Take comfort in knowing that he's taking the fish and getting fed for a day whereas you're learning to fish and will be fed for the rest of your life. You're already ahead of him despite his being 7 years older.
     
  10. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    How about this: Instead of getting into it with him, do the professional thing:

    Write up a contract.

    Spell out your exact salary, job description, hours, benefits, title, and everything else a normal company would do. Put it in writing. If he wants you to work for him, and he can hold up his end, he should be fine with this. If he can't put it in writing ... apologize and move on.
     
  11. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    Business and family (or friends) are NOT a good mix at all. He screwed you over, now karma bit him in the ass. You were unemployed for awhile but got back on your feet. He is perfectly capable of doing the same. Do NOT let him guilt you into feeling like an asshole, he was the asshole first.

    EDIT: i just read the reply where you state you're 18, he's 25. Sounds like he tried to take advantage of you being younger/more naive. And if your parents are taking care of everything for him right now, then let him figure his own life out. You're just starting yours.

    BTW when I was 13 or so my sister and her husband promised me $50 a week to babysit my nephew when he was 2. I gave up a WHOLE summer vacation watching him alll day while they worked and never saw a dime out of them. Also me and my 2 siblings later on down the road, ended up oweing my mom money for various reasons..each of us owing over $3k. We all got a small inheritance (about $18K) from another relative who died. I was the only one of us 3 kids that paid my mom back. When I sold my house last year and made excellent profit, I paid off my mom n step dad's house so they could enjoy retirement w/o mortgage payments...it was the least I could do for everything she did for me. neither of my siblings have ever helped anyone on that level.
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2006

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