SRS Some people think I hate them when I first meet them...help me find out why.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by onedownfiveup, Oct 15, 2006.

  1. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2005
    Messages:
    18,222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KC
    Over a few years with my friends and new friends I meet I've noticed some of them tell me later on after we are better friends that they thought I hated them when I first met them. I'm not a mean person, nor do I try to be. I think it's just how I act when I meet them. It's not intentional at all I know that. I try to be very up beat and happy to meet people when I first meet them. But a lot of times if I don't know them or anyone else I'm very quiet and unless I find something of interest to talk about I don't say much at all. For some reason in my mind if I try and keep asking questions to get to know someone or keep the conversation up I mentally think I'm going to start to annoy that person or something.

    I think this is one of my big flaws. When I'm in a group, if we aren't talking about something I'm interested in, I won't say much of anything if anything at all. I just kind of sit back an listen. I feel like if I jump in and add to the converstion I'm barging in on everyone even though I was there when the conversation started off.
     
  2. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    50,478
    Likes Received:
    35
    Location:
    philadelphia/buffalo
    people are perceiving this as you ignoring them = you don't like them.
     
  3. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2004
    Messages:
    19,688
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto
    Yeah I get that too occasionally, well, no-one's said it outright to me that they thought I hated them at first but I can tell they feel it. I'm generally very shy at first with new people and they interpret that as dislike. I'm working on it though. :o
     
  4. 7960

    7960 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2004
    Messages:
    60,415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    Asking questions is good, but also make sure you're listening to their answers. Also, as a last thing you can do to help, offer to get them something... "I'm getting another (soda/beer/snack/etc) would you like one?"

    Here's the recipe for when you meet someone new:

    -shake their hand,
    -look them in the eye,
    -ask questions,
    -listen to their answers,
    -answer their questions without going into *too* much detail (and *never* brag or "one-up" their story)
    -offer them something, and when you bring it back don't hang around.

    if you fire questions at them for 20 min it looks like you're faking.
     
  5. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2005
    Messages:
    18,222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KC
    That would make sense. My mind tricks me though and makes me feel as if I'm intruding or bother people when I try and talk to them if I don't even know them.

    Sweet, thanks for the info. I'm really a very nice guy, almost too nice. I guess I just become anti-social unless I meet someone that is very social and has interest in talking to me and can come up with things to talk about.
     
  6. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2000
    Messages:
    20,066
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ

    But on the other hand you don't wanna meet people you don't know and start :mb: about something they may not be interested in either.
     
  7. 7960

    7960 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2004
    Messages:
    60,415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    Of course every situation is different but I found that works often. I used to travel a *lot* and had to shmooze with people...get them to like me, remember me, buy shit...that was a very light-touch approach that worked more often than not.
     
  8. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2005
    Messages:
    18,222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KC
    Basically small talk. I'm no where near good at small talk.
     
  9. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2000
    Messages:
    20,066
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ

    Just be yourself, when you meet people just say "How's it goin?" and go from there :big grin:
     

Share This Page