SRS Socially Confused

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Determined, Apr 21, 2009.

  1. Determined

    Determined New Member

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    I really don't know how to put this in words but here goes. I think of myself and can be known as forthcoming and honest. It's caring when I have something good to say and 'assholish' when it's not good/calling someone out. All of which I can do in a polite and calm manner. A while back it hit me that was the reason I couldn't hang out long with people. I was considered someone to be taken in small doses. I'd lose friends... mostly ones that I didn't want to lose. I'm a very realistic person and this is how I've come to see my shortcomings. What I pretty much gather up from people is that I am too nice, an asshole, boring, overwhelming, out of control. Of course I've had/have friends that know many more sides to me but they tend to be people that got past my 'front'.

    What I want to accomplish is to be a well-rounded person when it comes to socializing. I want to fair to all those around me without sacrificing myself. I don't want to be a people pleaser but I want to know when I'm crossing boundaries. I want to make people feel like it's worth while hanging out/chilling with me because alot of times I think people are dissapointed that I didn't happen to be entertaining or fulfill whatever expectation they had. Like I cheated or something. I have noticed that I have more normal relations with people ever since I became a social drinker so maybe my personally is repressed or inhibited? I try to become friends with people the way they are friends with other people I see but I always come up short...

    I don't have social anxiety, I am just seeing outcomes I don't like. I want to feel effective, expressive and fair when I'm out in the world sharing moments with people. I appreaciate any and all input.

    Thanks for reading.
     
  2. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    how old are you ?
     
  3. Determined

    Determined New Member

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    21.
     
  4. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    One suggestion could be too find common ground with the people you hang out with and use this to relate to them. Find out peoples' interests and do activities that you can both enjoy.
     
  5. convolutedmind

    convolutedmind Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss e

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    There are plenty of people that are assholes, boring, overwhelming and out of control. Those are just labels and everyone has a different definition of what they mean.

    Just be yourself and stop focusing on the negative.

    It is good to be around people that make it comfortable for you to be yourself. Anything less than that and they are not a real friend.


    What is stopping you from doing this now?


    As long as you are having a good time, people around you will typically feel similar emotions. After all, happiness is contagious.


    Perhaps you open up more when you're drinking. Are there any qualities your remember that were particular to those moments when you feel socially comfortable?


    There are different types of friends that fill different social roles in our lives. You do not necessarily need to mimic existing relationships that other people have. Asking yourself what you want the relationships to be like is a good start.
     

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