SRS social skills

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by TropicalGrove, Apr 29, 2007.

  1. TropicalGrove

    TropicalGrove New Member

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    I lack social skills. Just talking to someone is extremely difficult. I envy to those who could carry conversations for hours. How is that possible ? I can barely have a 10 minute conversation. Whenever Im in a two person conversation, there’s are always awkward silences, and the other person always does the talking like if we were talking about parties, if he/she said “I had a good time at the party”. I would have no clue as to what to say next, I tend to say something like “that’s cool” or “ oh I see”. I hate to sound like a boring person. I try to think of something interesting to say but it’s hard. When I’m by myself, I think about the questions people asked me and I could think of answers right away but not in front of people, why is that ? My sense of humor isn’t the greatest. I never had the chance to make friends after high school because all of my friends lived in different areas and some students who lived an hour away or so had to stay at residence. I don’t have a car. I talk to them online but only 2 friends I talk on regular basis. I could talk to them about anything because I grew up with them but not with new people, its hard. It’s always been like that.

    Some of you probably will say “Just try your best to make friends and once you meet the right people, you wont have any trouble talking. That’s not true. I have met some people who would be perfect friends and I can never say anything to them. Sometimes, I would say boring or wrong things. They just slip away. I have confidence but I am also aware that I don’t know how to be social. I don’t want to live that way. I always dream being able to converse with any people, laughing and more. I wish I always know what to say. I just don’t know how I can ever be that person :( Anyone feels the same way? I want to learn some social skills. This seems like a lot to say but I have been thinking about this for a long time. Any advice would be appreciated.
     
  2. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Alcohol. I'm serious.
     
  3. Leaden Grudge

    Leaden Grudge OT Supporter

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    If you want to keep a conversation going, you can't just say "that's cool" after they say something. You have to either ask a question, or comment on something about it.

    So you're party example.. you might say "who was all there?" "how were you feeling in the morning?" "pick up any chicks?" You can relate a story that you have to theirs, or comment on their responses:
    you: pick up any chicks?
    him: yea, this hot little blonde
    you: oh, you like the blondes eh, I'm more into the brunettes
    and conversation continues

    it's not so hard, just take in key points of what they're saying(ie, party) and think of related things to to ask or talk about.
     
  4. TropicalGrove

    TropicalGrove New Member

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    Kendog - I have tried that, just say what I think and dont worry what they'll think but that didnt end too well because they said they have to go but they never talked to me again. I guess things I said was too weird for them. I dont have a good sense of social.

    Lenaden Grudge- I have tried that but it only lasted a short time. I tried hard to continue the conversation. I could tell they were bored and said I have to go then never talked to me again. Perphas I asked all the wrong questions. I don't know. BTW- Im female.
     
  5. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    I've never heard of an anti-social female. :eek3:

    It could be the way you talking to these other people. If you are talking in a monotone voice with no excitement or character then I probably wouldn't want to talk to you either.

    Smiling, laughing, hand gestures, do something. Sound like are you interested in what they are talking about, but don't go overboard otherwise it will seem fake.

    Seriously, go out to a bar or go to a party with friends. You said you are a female so you could just show up at a party or bar by yourself and have people (guys) create conversation with you.

    Answer this question honestly, are you attractive? And that doesn't mean do YOU think you are attractive.
     
  6. Basal

    Basal OT Supporter

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    be around people who are naturally social, or even overly social. that tends to rub off onto you, even if it's a little bit. don't worry about trying to fit in, or trying to be like them. be yourself. be comfortable with yourself and accept yourself first for who you are, then others will see that you're just a shy and quiet person and they will accept you for that.
     
  7. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    I know exactly how you feel. I've always been the guy who sits on the sideline with little or nothing to say, while everybody else talks and has fun.

    Check out Juggler Method.
    http://www.charismaarts.com/products

    It's ostensibly pickup artist stuff, but really it applies to social interactions in general. I've found it extremely insightful and helpful.
     
  8. TropicalGrove

    TropicalGrove New Member

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    jmezz - It has nothing do with weither Im attractive or not, its my personality. Everybody talks to me but when they find what kind of person I am, they get bored....

    Ooh_yeah - Easier said than done. I'm hearing impaired. Its not easy going to any place and find deaf people. You don't know if they are hearing or deaf. If I get lucky, I'll catch someone signing and I might introduce myself.

    kendog - ah I wish there are some people who would find me interesting, things I said and etc. So Id ont have to worry and thinking if they are bored with me or whatever.

    huntz0r - I checked the website but Its about how to talk to women. Im female. I don't think I'll need that lol.
     
  9. TropicalGrove

    TropicalGrove New Member

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    yeah well I find it easy to post my thoughts online than in real life because nobody can see you. I can just take my time and type my thoughts. I should try to find someone who can understand my situtation and is willing to sit and 'train' me.
     
  10. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    I know alot of people on here are agaisnt meds, but I think lexapro could help you. Xanax and Kolonapin probaably could too, but they are too strong. Lexapro is a good drug to help make social interaction easier, it helped me.
     
  11. Leaden Grudge

    Leaden Grudge OT Supporter

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    That sounds a lot like what I do. Sometimes it feels like social situations and stuff just go too fast and I want to sit and think about my responses first before I say something stupid. But really you just have to get over it and start blurting things out without thinking. You may screw up, mispronounce something, or even put a place in the wrong word, but everybody does it so you just have to laugh about it when it happens.

    I think that's the problem with thinking about social situations, often times during a conversation I'll have a reaction to something someone says and then try and word it properly in my head, and then think about it again, and a lot of the times I end up thinking 'ah, I guess I shouldn't say it anyway' or I miss the chance to say it while we're still on the topic. Social stuff is all on the fly, and it does take practice, but you can't be worried about when you screw up.

    (btw, sorry for assuming you were a guy in my last post, this is OT after all heh, but the same situation would still work)
     
  12. TropicalGrove

    TropicalGrove New Member

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    I don't want any meds I hate them. I'm not crying over this its not serious problem. I just want to try to be more social.



    Yes I have that same problem, if I want something to say but I changed my mind right away and not say anything. I hate it. Blurting out thing, I get too chicken and decided not to say it.. :(
     
  13. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Well, it is... but... okay work with me on this.

    If you can find a copy of the ebook, yeah, you'll be skimming a lot (past the "now here's how you get SEXAY with it!" parts), but it's definitely worth a look. Juggler's method is very natural and direct, and it's about little more than simply showing warmth and genuine interest in other people and being able to open them up with conversation. Now, practically every time I talk to somebody - anybody - I've got key concepts from that book rattling around in my brain.
     
  14. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    You should begin by trying to know yourself better. You perceive yourself as being boring, but that's you're impression of yourself. What you think of yourself can be far different to what other people think of you.

    The next time you encounter a good person willing to spend a little time with you, it's worth taking a stab at it to just come right out and ask them what they think about you. You could say, "You know, I've always had difficulty maintaining friendships with other people because I think they see me as being boring....what do you think it is?"

    It may hurt...someone may be brutally honest with you. But that feedback is worth it's weight in gold because then you'll have an understanding of what's causing people to walk away from you. More then likely that person will feel a lot better understanding of you and you'd have found yourself a new friend.

    Judging from your posts though, you seem like a perfectly friendly individual.
     
  15. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    Not being able to hold a conversation is a serious problem man.
     
  16. TropicalGrove

    TropicalGrove New Member

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    I mean im not going to see doctor with this problem , it just seems extreme. There are reasons Im unable to hold conversation for a long period of time, I never had the chance to improve my social life like going to college, meeting people everyday learning how to socialize and etc. I just need to figure out what to do with my situation. I hope to find someone with lots of patience, who is willing to put up with me until I'm better at it.
     
  17. illmaceyougood

    illmaceyougood New Member

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    I would try to think about a few things that you're passionate about and steer the conversation in that direction. For me, that would be politics and religion. It's pretty easy to find a way to go off about one of those things.
     
  18. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    You could get a part time job at a mall or food service, then you would be forced to put a smile on and talk to people for a couple of hours. It really helps bring people out of their shells.
     

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