SRS So there's this guy at work...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by deusexaethera, Jan 5, 2010.

  1. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    ...we get along quite well, never a shortage of stuff to talk about. It sounds like I'd get along with a lot of his friends as well. He actually got his job through a reference from someone else who used to work here who we were both friends with. I've been thinking about asking him if I can go to one of their movie nights to meet some of them, but honestly I'm scared he'll scoff at it and basically tell me to go hang out with my own friends, as if I have any in the area, which I don't. I have no rational basis to think he'd react that way, but factors in my upbringing (and in my adult life as well, honestly) have taught me to favor the worst-case scenario and to be extremely risk-averse when it comes to getting to know people on a personal basis, even platonically. A couple of times a day I think to ask him about it, and then I instantly imagine him blowing me off and I decide to put it off. It's starting to affect my mood in general. I don't know what to do about it.

    Well...I know what to do about it, I just don't know how to feel better about doing it. :( The kids I grew up with were experts at holding me at arm's length, because I wasn't from their little town and I didn't fit into any of the personality types they were familiar with. God I hate that place.

    Anyway, while I live somewhere else now, I know that unlike me he grew up where we both live now, and he's known his friends for years and years. I doubt he appreciates how difficult it can be to meet people like us when you don't have the benefit of growing up with them -- or rather, it's been my experience that people who still live where they grew up have a hard time appreciating that.

    Advice?
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2010
  2. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    just ask him. Nothing will change if he says no. The world will go on.
     
  3. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Not entirely true. If he says no, then I can no longer imagine that there is a group of interesting people I'd get along with, who are just a question away. I know it's not good to hang on illusions, but dammit, I have no idea how else to meet anyone around here, short of going to random places and hoping for the best, and I don't want to lose the one opportunity I have at the moment.
     
  4. oakback

    oakback New Member

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    Just ask. If he's telling you about something they plan on doing, say "I don't have anything going on, mind if I join you?" If they don't have plans to do anything, just say "next you have something going on, would you mind giving me a buzz? if not, it's no big deal, just looking for some new folks to hang out with."

    Just don't look to excited/desperate, and try not to look to dejected/disappointed if he says no.

    Whatever his answer is, even if it's "yes", you should be able to read his reaction to see if he's uncomfortable with the idea.
     
  5. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    as nicely as i can say this, that's kind of pathetic. you'll never know what could have been if you don't go find out. the comfort of not knowing what he'd say is false comfort.........go see what he actually says, because even though you can "imagine that there is a group of interesting people I'd get along with" you're still just as alone at the end of the day.

    go ask

    it's only an opportunity if you take it.
     
  6. pbcustom98

    pbcustom98 New Member

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    go for it.

    at this point, you have absolutely NOTHING to lose, and everything to gain.

    its going to eat at you until you do it...so, just do it.
     
  7. Nite_Lilly

    Nite_Lilly Member

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    The next time he mentions a movie they're going to see, if it's one that interests you, just say that you had been thinking of going to see it. Then wait to see if he offers an invitation to join them.

    Or bring up a movie you had seen recently and see if you can direct the conversation toward upcoming plans they or you have.

    Remember the old saying: a turtle only makes progress when he sticks his neck out. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I would say just ask but your hesitation might be an indication of some deeper issue.

    Are you worried about asking because you don't want to appear desperate and perhaps that would get around work? Is there any attraction to this guy for you? In other words, are your worried about being perceived as being gay for asking? Or are you actually gay but no one knows it at work and you're afraid he'll out you?

    If the answer is no to all those then just ask and see what happens. That's part of the fun of life.
     
  9. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Have you tried just asking him if he wants to hang out sometime after work first? Seems like that would be a lot less intimidating than inviting yourself along with his friends. I wouldn't feel comfortable inviting myself to something like that either :dunno: After you've hung out with him once or twice it would be more natural to invite yourself or he might just invite you.
     
  10. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    You'll never meet anyone if you never try out of fear of rejection.

    Let me put it this way: if you ask there is only a chance of rejection. If you never ask there is a %100 chance of rejection.
     
  11. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    If he says yes, no problem. If he scoffs and says no, no problem. (You wouldn't want to be hanging out with him anyhow.) In short, you've got nothing to lose but your grasp on your illusion, and that'd be a good thing to lose anyhow. It's getting in the way of your search for some friends.
     
  12. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    Just say, "Hey! Do you mind if I tag along? I would love to see that..." etc etc.

    It sounds like a good idea, man!
     
  13. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Honestly, you're not going to lose anything by just asking him.

    The worst thing he can say is No. Its not like you're going to die from him saying No. If he says no, you move on.

    Next time, he talks about a movie night just ask him if you can come along since you are interested in seeing said movie as well.

    This is wrong. Their are tons and tons of people to meet in NoVa. You just have to find your interests. What are your interests? Photography? Their are groups of photography that meet up and go on shooting field trips of DC, etc. Do you listen to the radio? Do you follow 106.7? The guys from the Sports Junkies (radio show in the morning 6am-10am) and Chad Dukes/Lavar Arrington (radio in afternoon, i believe) are always doing meetups. They just had one this past monday in Manassas, I believe. Chad Dukes, one of the DJ's, is always having get-togethers with listeners also.

    So you have MANY ways to meet people, its just a matter of finding them.
     
  14. Swerve

    Swerve OT Supporter

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    I would say "Oh, I was gonna go see that movie last week but couldn't make it, I might go with you guy's. When are you going?"

    and then I'll look at his reaction, if it's positive I'll go, if it seems negative, I'll say to him later that day "Oh, I'm not gonna be able to go with you guys on X night as Y came up".
     
  15. huskerfoos

    huskerfoos New Member

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    When you know they are going to be out somewhere, hint around that you were looking for something to do that night as your plans had been changed. And say you thought it would be cool/fun to hang with him/them sometime.

    That way it doesn't sound too personal, and or pushy.
     
  16. negative zero

    negative zero New Member

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    This.

    You will be able to tell instantly if he wants to invite you. If he doesn't, wait a week or two and bring it up again. If he blows you off again then.......well, you know.
     
  17. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    Any updates?



    If not too late, here is the quote I lived my young adult life by:
    "You'll always regret the chances you never take"
    Here is how it relates to you; if you don't ask, then you'll never accomplish what you wanted. If you do ask, and he rejects you, then you have your answer (which is better than not knowing). If you ask, and he agrees - then you are better than when you started. No matter what the outcome, the process will make you feel better.
     
  18. Nite_Lilly

    Nite_Lilly Member

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    Well said!:bigthumb:
     

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