So... shit hit the fan.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Reign, Apr 17, 2009.

  1. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    My GF of 2 1/2 years and I had a talk last night. I guess the talk pretty much. It was practically a break up talk and even as i type this I pretty much know what you guys will say.... i guess I'm just hoping you won't.

    Anyway what it came down to was 3 major things. She doesn't like the way I always treat her. We're both in the Navy and we both want to go back to our respective states when we're out. Third, if we really think we're even right for each other.

    I would say our biggest problem is she loves me unconditionally. She wants me around all the time and always wants to hug on me and hold me. Thinking about it I love the thought of this, it's the sweetest thing ever. When put into action, I dunno... I don't really like it.

    Anyway, I'd like to say I don't intentionally treat her like an asshole. She thinks I ignore her in a group setting which is kinda true. We both work different shifts and don't really talk much and then when we have time to and are together with friends I tend to ignore her. I don't do it on purpose I just... am really social and I guess our interests are fairly different. One thing I do that I know she really hates and even I think of myself as an asshole for this one, is check out other girls. I'll even comment on them in front of/to her. I wish I didn't but I do. I don't have any real desire to cheat or anything but I must admit that I wouldn't mind sleeping with other people. I guess I like the idea of an open relationship and she doesn't (and I don't blame her at all).

    The whole living situation... we just need to figure out I suppose. We always kind of avoid talking about it because we know each other's stance on it. Neither of us can really ask the other one to move some place where there family is not.

    As for if we're right for each other... I honestly can't come to a conclusion. We share a lot in common but there's a lot we don't. I know I really enjoy living with her... she doesn't particularly like to do anything and neither do I. We do go out with friends and such but we don't really go out on dates by ourselves. In fact after we're done at work/I'm done at the gym we really just lie around the house and watch movies a lot. It works and I like it. I'm pretty sure she likes it. However we also know we kinda want different things in life. I guess there's little things about each other we wish we'd change too. I know I wish she'd have better dental hygiene and would get active again (which she wants to do but just doesn't have the time).

    I guess... I don't really know what i want. I know I love her to death and I don't really picture being with anyone else. Yes I sometimes sexually fantasize about other women but I'd never cheat on her, I love her too much. I guess... I dunno. I don't really know what I'm lookng for you guys to tell me. I don't want to leave her because I love her and like our situation but I do sometimes agree I think we'd be better off with different people. I also at the same time think we're great together.

    I definitely don't want to throw a 2 1/2 year relationship down the toliet though.


    Cliffs: GF and I pretty much had a X Roads talk last night. Brought up many things such as how I treat her, where we plan to be in 5 years, if we're really right for each other, but neither of us really want to leave each other because we both really love each other. We're not really done talking and I really don't know what to do.
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2009
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I bet because you're kind of an asshole to her, that's why she's so attracted to you. Fucked up that it works that way, huh.

    Well why do you? Is it cuz she's boring and you want to talk to other people? Or is it cuz you just have crappy group social skills?

    Also, if this is in places where she doesn't know anyone, then it's kind of a dick move to ignore her. Being in a place where you don't know anyone except one person sucks, and it sucks 50 times worse if that one person is ignoring you.

    That's a big thing.

    Dude, I'm captain monogamy and even I check out other girls. You can't really not do it. As long as you're not seeing them and thinking "damn that girl's so hot! I'd totally rather fuck her than my gf! I wonder if she takes it in the ass? Yeah, I'd fuck her in the ass!" then you're probably ok.

    :wtf:

    Wait what do you say? Like "whoa, that chick's boobs are lopsided"? Or like "DAMN that girl is HOT!!!! Isn't she, baby?!"

    Then either you're losing interest in her, OR you guys aren't fundamentally compatible. If you want the open relationship then you need to find a chick who is cool with that.

    Either way it's probably approaching breakup time.

    Awesome :h5: Me and my gf are kinda the same way. Neither of us is a big partier (well, me not anymore now that I'm getting old :mamoru: )

    That's huge. What "different things?"

    lol wow.

    I'm not telling you to dump her, but there's no reason holding on to a 2.5 year relationship just for the sake of holding on if it's not going to work out.
     
  3. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    1. Yeah it kinda is, but it's really just how I am. I'm very assinine and joke around a lot. Guess it comes off as asshole-ish.

    2. It's kind of a combination of both. Usually when it happens we're drinking and she means to interject with something or get my attention when it's somewhere else. And we almost never hang out with people she doesn't know so I mean... it's not like she's just sitting there bored.

    3. Again, kinda both. I wouldn't say I would rather fuck them but it's that I definitely wouldn't mind or am curious to. I must say that we are sexually compatible but I also know that she gets more out of it than I do because I'm more experienced with different types of girls. She's more conventional which I wouldn't say is boring but I mean... I like different stuff too.

    4. Do both really. Kinda fucked up, even I think so but... she's my best friend at the same time and I like to think I can talk to her about anything.

    5. I wouldn't say I want an open relationship. I like the idea of it sort of. I'd really have to get used to having a GF that sleeps with other people too.

    6. Well I guess she wants to get married some day, like in general. Not necessarily to me although I'm pretty sure she wants me to want to or did. She also wants kids and up until recently I wasn't sure if I did or not. Now I'm more leaning towards yes now that i'm getting pretty close to 30.

    7. She takes care of her teeth but she just wasn't blessed with the best teeth genetics. She kinda has smokers teeth even though she doesn't smoke, doesn't know why and does try to take care of it. Though she COULD take better care of them but teeth I don't see a lot and don't make up her personality. Teeth aren't a huge thing to me... she people have fake teeth adn a lot of times you never even know it.

    As for break up or don't... ugh. can't make a decision. I'm such a f'n girl kind of. Damn my Picean background.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sounds like a breakup is pretty well justified to me man :dunno: You don't even seem to be denying it...

    You are most likely still just together out of ease since you are both in the Navy together away from home. You've been together for 2.5 years now though, which is normally the time people like to refer to as "shit or get off the pot" and you are still not making any real kind of commitment to her.

    Sounds like you are better off single. You said yourself you would like to sleep with other people and she obviously wants someone who will love her unconditionally the way she unconditionally loves you. Let her go and you find your own happiness.
     
  5. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    The thing is, I am happy with her. I do love her unconditionally....

    Shit, got cut off. Finish this in a few.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Really? Because I'm pretty sure when you love someone unconditionally you don't point out and tell them how hot you think other girls are. I'm also pretty sure you don't ignore them in social situations. If you loved her unconditionally you'd be pleading with her right now and figuring out how to make your relationship work, not dissecting your relationship in a thread on OT trying to gauge if you are better off alone. Just my thoughts...
     
  7. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    I understand the logic you're basing that off of but those things are just me. All of my previous GF's have been bi-sexual so the'd be checking her out with me, I guess I'm just used to that. As for trying to figure out how to make it work. I k

    That's pretty much what I'm doing. I don't want to leave her... I'm kind of a pansy guy... I'll admit that I get emotional much more so than most other guys. When ever I think of her not being with me, or being with someone else... it brings me to tears. When I think that if the dust of this settles out into us not being together, then after she gets out (she gets out before me), there's a big chance I'll never see or talk to her again. Not that I want it that way it's that I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people and so is she. Thinking that tears me apart inside and I hate the though tof it.

    I want this to work, I want to be everything she wants in a SO...

    Maybe you're right though... I just like what's comfortable. That's why I'm on the other side for once. Shit, I never call my mom for advice and if she was up right now I would.
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2009
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Contrary to what OT will tell you you should be secure with, no one (read: very few people) in a relationship wants to hear their SO talk about how hot another person is. Say my gf is a 9. I could see an absolute 10 walking down the street when I'm with my gf and I wouldn't tell her how hot I think she is. Why? Nothing good would come of it. My gf doesn't want to hear that I think another chick is hot. Same reason I don't want to hear about her wondering if some other dude's dick tastes good. I'm sure she finds other guys attractive. It's human nature. But I don't want to hear about it.

    I'm not sure you expressed how that's wanting different things. She wants to get married. You didn't state your opinion on marriage. Then you said she wants kids, and you are pretty sure you do. I don't have enough data to reply.

    I thought you meant she had nasty breath. Sounds like she just needs a teeth bleaching. Get some trays made and some Opalescence gel or just Crest Whitestrips and then another package a month or two later.

    What's a Picean? Oh wait is that like "Pices" the astrological sign?
     
  9. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Like a Pices astrological sign... yeah.

    As for different wants. I'm not thinking anywhere near clearly this morning. So sorry for the confusion but I'm a gym rat/workout-aholic, she's not. She loves to read, I don't. She does like those girly movies and I obviously don't. She's a somewhat messy person and I'm a fairly clean person (not to an OCD extent though). Lets see... i love local resturaunts that have a unique taste she likes chain resturaunts you can pretty much find anywhere.
     
  10. korverftw

    korverftw New Member

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    Time to move on.
     
  11. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Same here.

    But my gfs have always been those girls who have near-perfect bodies without needing to work out.

    Me, on the other hand, I had a good body but it was BECAUSE of hardcore working out and making sure I ate enough (fast metabolism).

    So I kinda felt unbalanced. We were both hot, but she was hot naturally and I was hot because of tons of work. I never felt quite comfortable with that.

    Not that I would prefer to date someone with an average body naturally but only had a hot body because she worked out hardcore...
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Oh, cliffs:

    Working out/not working out doesn't mean you should break up.

    Liking to read/not liking to read doesn't mean you should break up.

    I'm still not sure how I feel about this thread other than you shouldn't be making comments about other hot girls to your gf.
     
  13. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    I know I shouldn't and I try not to. I dunno... it's gonna be a long day. Fucking watch...
     
  14. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    If prolonging a break up is essentially what you're doing, I'd highly advise against it.

    Reasoning: You pretty said you knew/know whats going to happen, but unfortunately you dont really want it to happen. Well, thats generally the signs of love, but in love we tend to do one thing, we forget about what makes us happy. Even though the two of you LOVE each other deeply, sometimes things dont work out in the long run. If you guys can legitemately say to each other that you guys are both happy in life, i'd say to keep working at it.

    But on the other hand if the only reason the two of you are still together is because you guys dont want either of you to suffer, well, thats not the right reason. Breakups hurt the most when you love someone obviously, but dont invest another year or two into knowing in the long run things just wont work out.

    Good luck bro
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    . If you say you want to go back to your respective states when your tour is done why stay together? Again, I think it's out of ease now, but 2.5 years in and almost breaking up you should be thinking of your future and if it will actually work together.
     
  16. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Shit or get off the pot is right. I can tell you from experience that "not knowing what to do" is worse than being single or even being happy in a shitty relationship. Eitehr break it off now or decide to make it work and give it your all. From what you describe, you won't be unhappy either way, but I guarantee you will be unhappy as long as you are undecided.
     
  17. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    just break up already
     
  18. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Unless you guys can pick a local equal distance between families, one of you is going to be unhappy and will begin to resent the other. Not a good way to spend 30 years or so of marriage.

    Kind of sound like you have more differences than things in common. You both should think about moving on.
     
  19. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    dont look at it as throwing 2 1/2 years away, look at it as a learning experience. so this girl has a bunch of things you want in a partner, so you know its possible to find someone compatible in those areas. then there are the things you wish she was different with. keep searching for something that also has those things you are looking for.

    not wanting to live in the same place would be a huge deal breaker for me. one of you would have to give up a lot for the other, and it sounds like neither of you want to do that. its ok that neither of you will, but you need to be honest about the situation.

    take the good, learn from the bad, and let this experience improve your next relationship
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    This.
     
  21. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    btw, the only time I've ever "not known if I wanted to be with my gf or not" was when a breakup was inevitable and I was just keeping the relationship alive because it had been going on for years.

    When you're supposed to be together, there's no "gee what should I do?" feeling (it's this same logic that explains why when the girls says "i think we should take a break" it really means "it's time to break up forever").
     
  22. forgotmyname

    forgotmyname Active Member

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    Should've gotten a PS3. Wait, wrong board.
     
  23. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    Of course it is possible to love someone unconditionally and still find girls attractive.
     
  24. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    Well yes. But the distinction is you don't turn to her and tell her these things, fully knowing that it hurts her. You keep it to yourself.
     
  25. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    Which is something I don't understand. You know it hurts her, you know it's a dick move, yet you just "try" to stop? How is it not possible for you not to shut your mouth when you want to say that? I don't get it.
     

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