So my wife opened our relationship......

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ShoToonz, Mar 4, 2006.

  1. ShoToonz

    ShoToonz New Member

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    ...after I came home one night and found tire-tracks in the snow in my parking spot. I confronted her and found out she was banging some guy from her gym. I can pretty much understand, since I work second shift and help her run a day care during the day. We really just don't have time for each other any more. We haven't had sex since before Christmas, and I understand human needs. I've also been able to differentiate between love and sex for a LOONG time. Thing is, I'm not really pissed at her. After all, her and I have been through a lot together. Two kids, her being preggo with my daughter while I was in Iraq....hell, for the first two years of our marraige, we were apart. She's stuck with me through PTSD and the anger and depression that goes along with it, and she's accepted everything with open arms. I guess in a way, I feel I owe it to her to allow this to go on. My only problem is that I can't get laid to save my own life. I don't know why. Maybe deep down I'm not trying hard enough, or if it's just that I'm funny looking. Anyway, anyone got any advice on this whole situation? I'd also like it if we kept the "leave the cheating bitch" comments out of it. I'm not really looking for moral support here....just wondering why it's so hard to get laid in a college town.
     
  2. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Not criticizing you here, but trying to understand. Are you wanting to sleep with other women?
     
  3. GSRwBOOST

    GSRwBOOST New Member

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    it's not hard to get laid in a college town...

    you just have been out of the game fora while... brush upon your skills, read "the game" and get some strategy and a game plan.. and then go for it.

    find some buddies who are scouting for women and hunt in two's... this way you have a wingman... you never know when he will come in handy taking an ugly chick away from your mark....

    "The Game" ask for it at any bookstore.. authors last name is Strauss (sp?)
     
  4. GSRwBOOST

    GSRwBOOST New Member

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    i believe that is the general idea of his post...
     
  5. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    I can see this headed for disaster. The scary thing is that there are kids involved.

    I realize that she cheated on you first without talking to you and making sure that this is the way you want to go... but have you really discussed that this is the path you both want to take in your marriage rather than counsling or something? I just see where it's going to be a different story once you start sleeping with other women. She's probably going to feel a lot different about the whole situation. Not saying that she has a right to be hypocritical or anything but two wrongs don't make a right either.

    In the end of this you really need to think about what you are doing to your children.
     
  6. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Neil Strauss
     
  7. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    What do you mean taking an ugly chick away from your mark?
     
  8. ShoToonz

    ShoToonz New Member

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    I guess that's my goal.....but also, I just wanna get laid....it's been waaaaaaay too long, ya know? If it ends badly, then that's life. I'm not lookin for a fight with her....I just want her to be happy by whatever means neccessary. I've had enough conflict in my life to sit and bicker over who's f*cking whom. On the plus side, she's been in a lot better mood since this started......
     
  9. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    Right but you need to realize that it's not just your life. Whatever happens and whatever choices the both of you make directly affects your children as well.

    There is nothing wrong with counseling. If you love eachother then you should care enough to put the pieces back together from everything you've been through rather than turn your backs on eachother. If you don't have that desire, then what is the point of being together? I just don't see this as a healthy environment for kids to have to see and experience.

    If you both aren't on the same page... then you are playing with fire. Just remember your children never asked for any of this... and if they start figuring it out, it will hurt your relationship with them. I think it's better to salvage anything positive that you still have whether it be friendship or you decide to work on the marriage rather than to shrug it off and ignore it and continue to consider distructive options blindly.
     
  10. ShoToonz

    ShoToonz New Member

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    I know there's nothing wrong with counseling. I'm sitting in a VA hospital as we speak to get counseling for PTSD. Thing is, our relationship has never been stronger. we laugh a lot more together, we share more with each other.....it's just with my job and her job, our "schedules" conflict too much to make anything happen phsycially.
     
  11. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    Where does it end? When do you finally say, I'm happy, I'm healthy, we have time, lets stop doing this? What happens if one of you aren't willing to stop? What happens to the marriage? You say that's life... but how are you going to react to it? How is she? and how is that going to affect your children? You will be bitter at eachother and it will be taken out on them or around them. They will be caught in the middle of it and no child should ever have to go through that.

    You haven't talked about it. You haven't set the limits or made the rules. By the time that happens and you've been doing it for so long, it turns into a problem.

    All I'm saying is you need to seriously think about this and talk this through and you both need to be on the same page, and secondly and most importantly, you need to THOROUGHLY consider your children above everything having to do with this. It doesn't matter what you want or what she wants. This will hurt them and it should NEVER take place where they will be aware of what is happening.
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2006
  12. ShoToonz

    ShoToonz New Member

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    Actually,the rules were set as soon as I found out about it.

    #1: don't bring home nothin more than a cold
    #2: He don't come over unless the kids are asleep or not home and the kids are NEVER to see him...under any circumstances
    #3: I don't want to meet him, know anything about him or anything else. If he comes up to her in public, I'm morally obligated as a man to beat him to within an inch of his life
    #4: I don't wanna lay in a wet spot.

    Thus far, she's followed the rules. first rule gets broken, I'm calling the whole deal off. Trust me, I'm looking out more for my kids than myself or her. my life's already f*cked, being a combat vet. If she wants to f*ck her own life up, that's fine.....but the kids are what's important, which is why I'm willing to make such drastic concessions for her and I to stay together, cuz I don't want to put them through the hell that me and my brother went through when my parents divorced.
     
  13. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    I'm not convinced you are really ok with this.
     
  14. ShoToonz

    ShoToonz New Member

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    That makes two of us....
     
  15. GSRwBOOST

    GSRwBOOST New Member

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    women often times go in packs.. most commonly two.. the ugly one you dont want and the hot drunk one you do....

    your friend goes up and talks to the one you dont want to bang and you go up and talk to the one you do, seconds after he's engauged... he pulls her away or otehrwise distracts her from being the fallback for the other one...

    your mark is the one you want to sweet talk out of her panties...

    a good wingman is hard to find, but once you find em.. take care of em, because without him you might have a tough time of it pulling a hot one out from a group of girls.

    i have a friend who's ok at it.. but he admits to have less knowledge than me in certain areas.. so we learn each others secrets and use them on women....

    divide and conquer i believe is what neil refers to this as.
     
  16. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    No offense but are you off your fucking rocker here?
    You have some SERIOUS issues in your marriage, yet you think the solution is sex? Why not try giving your wife a little bit of attention and work on your marriage instead of going out and fucking other women?
    Where do you honestly see your marriage going from here? You two sound like you've been through a LOT together yet you both sound like you're not even willing to try to work through this.
    I'm NOT saying stay together for your children, but you seriously need to take them into account here also.
    Get divorced, THEN screw around with whoever you want to. It doesn't work the other way around.
     
  17. ShoToonz

    ShoToonz New Member

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    I think you guys are looking past one of the main points that I made......Both her and I have the ability to seperate love and sex.....have been able to for a long time.

    You can have sex without love and you can have love without sex.....the two aren't interchangable. Her and I are okay with that......
     
  18. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    If you were okay about that she wouldn't have been having an affair you didn't know about ;)
     
  19. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    You are controdicting yourself.

    Right now you have a choice. If you want to maintain a friendship and stay on good terms then get out. If you want her as a wife, then get counseling and fix what you have. You can start looking at this realistically and fix or salvage what you may have left or you can ignore it and ruin what you have left.

    That is the ultimate outcome. That will happen, no if, ands, or buts about it. I know that although I can't speak for her, you are not ok with it. There is nothing wrong with that. If she thinks this is going to fix her marriage, or both of you for that matter you are wrong. If this is the way you want to work it, this is just the beginning of the end.

    And the problem is as much as you say right now your kids will not suffer for it, they will. Your children always come first and if sex with other people is that important to you then chances are your probably better off separated.
     
  20. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    .
     
  21. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    and what happens if she starts having feelings for him?
     
  22. ShoToonz

    ShoToonz New Member

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    T'would be true if I wouldn't have found out about it the day after it started....she thought I woulda went through the roof about it. Apparently she doesn't realize I notice things like tire tracks in my driveway when it only snowed for a half hour at midnight.
     
  23. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    This is just my opinion. I don't really know you or your situation, but you DON'T sound okay with it. You sound like you're giving up, or that you don't think you can satisfy your wife or vice versa so you will 'allow' her to go to other men (either that or you simply don't think she'll stop if you ask her to so you figured it's best to just 'okay' it). You sound like it is inevitable that she has affairs, so you might as well do the same.
    How do you think your relationship would be if you put some of that energy (sexual and otherwise) into EACH OTHER instead of other people?
    How long have you been married?
     
  24. ShoToonz

    ShoToonz New Member

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    eh, I give up....
     
  25. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    You give up with what? This thread?
    Do you understand that we are simply trying to help you open your eyes and see what's actually going on?
    NOBODY deserves to be second best in the eyes of their spouse.
     

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