SRS so my sister called me fat

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 98formyws6, Aug 27, 2006.

  1. 98formyws6

    98formyws6 New Member

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    first off i'm not a female but when my sister called me fat i wanted to kill myself. she has been calling me names ever since i was little and it has seriously destroyed any shred of confidence i have around females. i'm pretty sure i wont get married or have any type of relationship because of this. yeah i shouldnt care what ppl think of me but i do, maybe because of this childhood truma i suffered. i even ask ppl at work if i'm fat and my friends they all said no, but now i think they were just lying and i can't trust any of them:squint:

    also i have been in a pretty good mood lately after a bout of being down, she also told me i had a stupid haircut, i know this might sound stupid and trivial but it gets to me
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2006
  2. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    By the way you express yourself.. you sound like a little child that can't man up and have a serious conversation with his sister and finally let her know how you're feeling instead of bottling it all up and not saying a damn thing.

    Oh, you have been saying things to her? Have you talked in a respected manner so you two can have a civil debate about what her damn problem is? Ever thought that shes jealous, has self esteem problems herself, hates her own life so needs to go and treat you like dirt to make her feel better?

    Interesting view to look at, eh?

    Now, stop with the baby babble that your sister said that you're fat - that now you want to kill yourself? Are you for real? If you're seriously contemplating doing that I can only imagine how its going to be down the future when someone really says or does something which will take you for a spin! Sometimes in life, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself when someone talks negative about you.. take it with a grain of salt and if YOU know they have a realistic reason for it then you should consider it and put the effort to change it if its for a positive reason! Anyhow, if your sisters been doing this since you were little and somehow its shred your confidence with the ladies.. you need to see things from a different approach.

    Maybe you should pin point what it is that your sister is talking negative about that would make women give you this added presure of not having any balls.

    Why don't you make a list here and tell us some of the things shes always called you and then I want you to tell me if they had realistic expections that you weren't following through with and she was really trying to help you through or picking on you just for the fun of it?

    Lastly, how old are you? And if you want us to give you a true honest opinion if WE think you're a fat ass or not, post up a pic of yourself so we can give our opinion on what we think you can do to look and feel better about yourself.
     
  3. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    That's what first came to my mind after reading the original post. I would understand if you were afraid to talk to her about it tell her that it really bothers you because in some people's perspective it would make you 'weak'. You just need to weigh it out though, are you willing to keep taking that when you can just calmly get her to stop it.
     
  4. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    It is stupid and trivial.

    Get over it, do things that make you feel good about you and stop caring what other people say. Just stop caring, I mean what does it matter? So they are joking and aren't serious, then whats to worry about? If they aren't joking then why worry anyways? If YOU think you are fat, do something about it and go for runs, change your diet etc. If you don't think you are fat, don't stress.

    I call my sister fat all the time, I'm just playing around. We just muck around and say whatever shit that comes into our heads at times, it isn't in malice. Now if someone else calls my sister fat I'll have a go at them.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    The thing is far more significant, when your young your far more prone to absorb what your family members say and far more susceptible then what other random people would say.

    For instance my dad always stamped whatever i have ever done in my life with negativity, fuck i can't remember my dad even saying one positive thing to me during my entire childhood. So this gave me the idea that i could never accomplish anything, i 'believed' his bullshit. UNTIL i realised that my dad is just another human being. And that although hard, i have to fight against the shit everything and everyone is throwing at me.

    I realised that i don't need people in my life that do nothing but bring darkness and negativity into my life.

    You see there are two things, either your strong enough to face your sister, or you can flee and escape her negativity until you are strong enough to understand that your sister is full of shit.

    What is your sister doing to support you, calling you fat? Is that support? Fuck no, telling your sister to fuck off out of your life is the only right thing to do, because your not strong enough to face her, you see.

    If you loved, supported, believed in yourself you wouldn't give jack shit about what other people think of you, not even your sister. Just because she is your sister doesn't mean you have to take what she says in high esteem.

    Again get rid of people who only bring negativity and darkness into your life. You have to be like a castle bridge, only allow the positive things and people in and lowering your bridge to that, simular closing the bridge to negative things and negative people who only bring your life and mental state into the shitter.
     
  6. snoozeallday

    snoozeallday OT Supporter

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    mod edit promotion of violence is NOT allowed. We have enough misery in this world , lets not add oil to the fire shall we? Show some love. :hsnono:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 28, 2006
  7. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

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    sounds like she doesnt have much self confidence so she puts you down.

    stick the fuck up for yourself. dont let her push you around.
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I don't know what you think you're doing but as someone who has been in a similar position on occasion in his life, I can guarantee that this kind of demeaning rhetoric will have a much worse effect on the OP than the actual content of your words, which may have some truth.

    As opposed to taking the approach of "you're so childish and unmanly for dealing with shit this way," take the approach of "much of your pain comes from bottling things up." For a guy whose self-esteem is explicitly the problem in itself, aggression like this will utterly outweigh any benefit the OP might get from nasty words.

    Trying to chastise this guy while giving potentially useful advice at the same time is a bad idea - not just because he may end up feeling worse than he already does, but also bc it will be difficult for him to separate the useful advice from the insults.
     
  9. John Blaze

    John Blaze New Member

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    How old are you?
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Age doesn't matter if you get insulted at age 6 or age 60 it still hurts the same.:hsughno: , the older person might have more defense but isn't without feelings you know.
     
  11. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    It's not as easy to just shrug it off when it's family that says mean things to you.
    I grew up in a household where I was made fun of all the time; even by my parents.
    It sucked because when I was around friends or out in society, I never experienced anything like my family has put me through.



    threadstarter: I know where you're coming from, only thing I can say is that it may get better as time goes on. It has for me.

    My sister, mom and dad would call me fat all the time and put me down about everything I did/wear. It hurts :hug:

    I recommend telling your that she hurts your feelings when she calls you fat. Tell her how you feel :hs:

    If she continues to do it and/or she shrugs it off, then there's obviously something wrong with her
     
  12. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    If they are being serious an malicious about it then of course it will hurt and it won't be easy to shrug off. However, you either have to shrug it off or let them know what it is doing to you and tell them to stop. I find it hard to understand a family that tries to hurt one another, I guess I've been lucky that I haven't really been exposed to it. Still, beyond telling them to stop I think shrugging it off and getting a thicker skin might be the best option? Realising what other people think about you doesn't (or shouldn't) affect how you think about yourself. If you are happy with yourself it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.

    I'm very protective of my sister and if people really are trying to put her down then i'll have a go at them, however as I mentioned me and my sister (and our parents) like to joke around and give each other shit all the time. If it ever became serious there would be a problem, but we just play around.
     
  13. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    I hear what you're saying...but my family wasn't playing around when they were saying stuff about me

    I guess that's why I have issues with myself and my appearance now :o
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    That, plus your personality type. Someone else in your situation would have handled it differently. For example, they might not have internalized the verbal abuse.

    I am not such a personality. In your position, I would also have suffered issues with myself and my appearance.
     
  15. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    My mom called me fat quite often when I lived at home. If I sat down and there was a "pudge", she'd say "god youre fat" and whatnot, and was serious about it. I'm 98 lbs. I hated hearing that shit though, especially since it was from a damn family member! My grandmother told me its because she's jealous (my mom was 107 through HS and most of her 20s, now she's not). That could be why your sister says it - she's jealous of your looks and wants to put you down so you dont feel good about yourself.

    Regardless of the reason, let her know how you feel. Maybe she doesnt realize what she's doing to you and is just trying to act like a sister giving you a hard time.
     
  16. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    yeah :hs:
     
  17. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    Have you ever thought that bringing the "truth" in how he portrays himself from another point of view will make him realize that in turn of acting this way that his very own sister can exploit it knowing full well that he has this low self esteem and I AM giving him the advice with alittle "PUSH" or should I say in your opinion, an "INSULT", and you say it will make things WORSE for him? PLEASE.. if anything, he needs abit of BALLS right now to let his sister know exactly how he feels instead of whats hes been doing lately because quite frankly.. it hasn't done crap! So, maybe from an outsider who is trying to help him see the light.. it can and WILL make him a stronger person.

    For the future.. I have an older sister and an older brother.. both combined throughout the years when I was much younger had an interesting impact in my life.. did I let it hurt me? No, I grew and LEARNED from it. I DEALT with it both negative and positive, because of that I have a great relationship with both of them, and you know what? Anyone who has siblings knows what I'm talking about.. its all about HOW you handle things.. unfortuntely, for our thread starter.. he has yet to grasp this understanding.

    You know what the OP might want to consider? Maybe think about writing a letter to his sister.. put how he feels, and let her know how it hurts him.. give it to her and tell her to please read it one of these days when shes by herself without a bunch of entertainment around so she can concentrate reading it and hopefully she will realize that if her brother took the time to actually write her a personal letter about his feelings.. well, she just might realize the harm shes been doing to him.
     
  18. drjamima

    drjamima Active Member

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    :werd: There's a reason we all seek the approval of our parents/family for our good deeds, and try to hide the bad.

    Hearing the things you can easily brush off or ignore normally from people who are the closest to you hurts. It does, but I would hope that your sister is a good enough person that if you tell her how bad it makes you feel, that she'll stop. We always hurt the ones we love the most, and sometimes without even realizing it. What could seem trivial to her could mean daggers for you. I went through something similar where my parents would make snide little comments, and joking, but it was the fact that they said it period that really hurt. I eventually told them and they apologized, so just let your feelings about it known. Bottling things up is never healthy
     
  19. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    This is a chicken and egg thing....you can only be hurt by your sister's comments if you have a low self esteem issue, yet you have a low self image very much because of the things that other people say.

    I don't think you can solve this by external factors. Like you said, you can go to a few dozen friends who will tell you "you're fine" but you can't trust their opinions because they're friends who are almost obligated to tell you what you want to hear.

    You might hope that your sister and/or other family members lighten up on their hurtful comments to you. But you'll always have that nagging suspicion because the seed has been planted.

    I think what might help you is to channel this negativity you've accumulated and direct that towards building yourself into what might make you feel confident in yourself e.g., go get a new haircut, buy better clothes, work towards a successful career, start working out, etc.

    The key is to ACT. It won't happen overnight, but little by little you can look with pride at the life you've built for yourself. You'll become more confident, and gradually, either your sister runs out of snide comments to grill you with, or her opinions simply don't affect you anymore.
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    You could have given exactly the same advice without the jabs. The point of a chiding tone here is ... ? I'm sure ur motivations are pure, I'm just saying that in my own experience, when someone managed intentionally to make me feel shitty about myself, I would tell myself I didn't have balls and wasn't being a real man, which actually made things worse.
     
  21. MrInconsistant

    MrInconsistant New Member

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    my brother was/is like that, though not to such an extent. i actually take it as a compliment now, and get a kick out of irking him.

    first off, give her a few shots back, bullies thrive on people who are passive. at the same time don't let her bother you, if you are defensive about something she'll zone in on it and start to attack it more.

    second, remember that it is her insecurity that drives her to put you down, this is HER problem, she's just taking it out on you. It's not something you're doing, she would've found fault with anything.

    remember that you have friends who like you for who you are, and i'm sure you have lots of other things going for you. however, having someone constantly put you down can have a devastating effect.
     
  22. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    The point of the chiding tone is to get him usto standing up for himself... ya know, not treating him like a piece of SHIT! Teaching him that he can have alittle more balls and actually get some positive reactions.. sometimes, you need to play fire with fire to get your point across to the other person.. so if it has her putting HIM down, he shouldn't be all nice about it telling her to "ohh please, stop bothering me, I just want to get along.. please!!!" - yeah fucken right, I'd be like "you want to treat me like shit? do it, because I'm going to bring it TEN TIMES HARDER.. so LETS GO, what the HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?".

    Fight fire with fire because the niceness and the insecurity he has isn't doing shit for him right now... but a real idea if you want to go about it in a respectful manner would be to write the letter like I said earlier, thats a a nice gesture and hopefully she takes that one serious because THAT CAN work! If not, try having a respectful but serious conversation and make sure to HOLD YOUR GROUND when she TRIES putting him down....

    Anyhow, I understand what you mean and I respect it but sometimes you need to realize that by taking the information on how you usto think.. it makes me realize that you were letting people walk all over you and no one deserves to feel or be treated in this manner.
     
  23. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    98 lbs? You are a girl right? :ugh2:
     
  24. MrInconsistant

    MrInconsistant New Member

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    if it were a guy i doubt he'd have the strength to type
     

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