so my relationship is prolly over (again)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Mar 31, 2010.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Wirelessly posted via wap.offtopic.com (SAMSUNG-SGH-I607/I607FG1 Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 4.01; Windows CE; Smartphone; 320x240))

    we had been living together since October. she told me tonight that she had been feeling neglected for a while and was building resentment. i was busy w work and stuff for the last few months pretty bad. she said she wanted me to spend more time w her, and i told her that i wanted to, too, but i had been busy starting my own company and stuff.

    she said she felt like she wasnt a priority. i told her that part of the reason i was working so hard was because our relationship *was* my prority and i was trying to get myself established so that i wouldnt be some jobless bum, that i was thinking long term (us in the future, building income, security, etc.) and i was sorry the short term suffered as a result.

    she was unable to understand that and still insisted she wasnt a priority because i didnt spend enough time w her. sometimes i also stayed up late working after she went to bed. i guess that's a big deal :hs: that one was my bad. i feel bad. i liked going to sleep all snuggled up.

    ironically, my gf's weakpoint is communication, but tonight i felt was the first time we actually *heard* each other.

    she said she felt it was best if we didnt live together anymore.

    i was like uh, so where does that leave us then? she's all "i dunno." i said im not doing another break and she agreed, but i didnt give her an ultimatum (fuck i wanted to so bad, but i learned that doesnt work) so i was like alright, what are we gonna do then, date on the weekends? lol. she said thats what we used to do. i was like so thats like reducing the seriousness of our relationship, what else changes, are we still exclusive?

    anyway, i drove back to my parents' tonight (they live like 1.5 hrs away). i gotta go get my stuff tmrw (computer, clothes etc) which is gonna be awkward, but im doing it while she's at work. no contact ftw.

    i told her we should take some time to think about things and i'd talk to her next week.

    she knows i still want to stay together but she said "i still love you but i don't know if i can put myself thru this (risk of feeling neglected) again." i said the formative period of my business is done and there wouldnt be anymore late nights. she still didnt understand that, which kinda pissed me off. i was like, i dont want to be working til im 60. what if we were broke as hell and i wasnt making any money but i was spending all my time w you. is that what you'd want? she's all "at least i wouldnt feel neglected then." Emotional rationalization. She grew up lowerish, bottom-middle class (single military parent, 4 kids) i grew up middle/upper middle class (doesnt mean im spoiled u pricks), i understand what it takes to be able to retire, her mom is like 60 or something and still has to work. ensuring financial stability for myself and future family (protected by prenups of course :fawk: ) is a high priority for me.

    still, it's my fault mostly this time. i should have spent more time w her. i love spending time w her. its not like i didnt *want* to, i was just doing what i thought was best for us in the *long* term. whoops.

    we're still together but not living together anymore (wtf right?). i said id call her next week. i guess if she misses me cool, if not sucks to be me. i think i said that already but i cant see up that far on this tiny screen.

    right now im feeling ok actually. im sure it just hasnt set in yet, or im clinging to false hope. moving my shit out tmrw is gonna suck.

    she mentioned there was no other guy :mamoru:

    longest WAP post evar amirite?

    no emo posts this time regardless.

    goodnight OT :wavey:

    IBtrolls and criticism. I still think i didnt do much wrong, cuz sometimes id go to spend time w her and she'd be all in a shitty mood so im like alright then, back to work i guess. it's not all my fault, altho i totally understand where she was coming from. wish i had a time machine. oh well. hope i dont get all the fucking emo feelings this time. that shit is the worst.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2010
  2. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Messages:
    124,890
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Kc
    have you been extra crazy or is this another issue ?
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    oh and btw even if she's like "hey i still want to live with you" um, no, you dont kick me out and then chage your mind. that's inconvenient for me. im getting a place and she can come visit if she wants.
     
  4. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Messages:
    124,890
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Kc
    why dont you just break up ? I seriously doubt any good relationships continue after one kicking the other out.
     
  5. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    my friend was like "dude email her tmrw and say 'are you sure you want me to move? cuz if i move my stuff out, we're done."" i was like no dude, thats an ultimatum. he then said to do it when she's there so she has to watch. im like wtf play games much?

    im moving my shit out tmrw (wednesday). she can come home to all my stuff being gone and miss me.

    that same friend also told me meeting women is like "shooting fish in a barrel" for a 29 year old (our age).

    no way, im awesome. i was totally calm thru our talk tonight, too.

    i kno right?

    i guess we'll see. i think she's just at her breaking point from stress.

    i got a hug and kiss and "i love you" before i left. why the hell do chicks do that shit? do they think it's making things easier on the guy? silly chicks. or is it just manipulation?

    Here is the number of women ive done hug/kiss/i love you with when I was breaking up with them: 0.

    for real, its my bedtime now. 130am. night vag!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 31, 2010
  6. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Messages:
    124,890
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Kc
    Women are crazy, i doubt it's anymore complicated than that.
     
  7. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    Really Falc, I think this is a REALLY rash decision on her part.

    I mean, I understand the need to be top priority but to suddenly bust out the "get your shit and leave" card. Whoa whoa.. back 'er down..

    Then to assume that you two could still date through this assbackwards transition- I dunno. It seems really presumptuous and idiotic honestly. I don't see how that's the slightest bit realistic. :hs:

    This doesn't add up, Falc. Are you sure that she's really that upset about the hours you've been putting in at work or is there something else and she's using this as a vehicle..

    And just to be clear, I'm not one of the Vag's resident fatalists. Very much the opposite actually. I think people are waaaaaay too dump happy around here. I only say that because I don't want you to assume that I'm advising that you 'ditch the bitch and move on'. I am saying though that from what I understand of this whole debacle, I don't think her reaction is proportionate to the situation and that may be worth examining. :hs:

    Good luck. Thinking of you..
     
  8. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    Every time I've ever done this it was to make it easier on myself. It had nothing to do with the guy.
     
  9. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Umm.... what? Lying to yourself makes it easier on you? A chick who kicks their SO out does NOT love them, no matter how much they want to try to rationalize that they do.

    If they valued the relationship and wanted to salvage it, they'd stick around and work through the problems as they exist. Not create a whole new set of problems by escalating the situation. Now, he has to find a place of his own and completely alter his lifestyle instead of simply changing the parts of his lifestyle that were causing conflict in the relationship.

    Once he's moved out, I'm fairly confident that moving back in is going to be a tough sell, even later on down the road. She's jumped to the point of kicking him out once already instead of even trying to work through things once, what's to say she won't do it again the next time something bugs her? It could easily become a recurring pattern of the relationship, which isn't healthy.

    I'd say this is a good time to read the signs and just accept that it's over.
     
  10. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    In some cases maybe, but I guess my take on it in this case is this: like you said, her reaction is an extreme, and may not even be the real reason she's upset (Falconer already said she has issues with communication).

    If she IS upset about something else entirely and is merely using this as an excuse, it shows a lack of maturity on her part. If there's another issue that she just doesn't want to face, that's an even bigger problem than her overreacting to a smaller problem that doesn't warrant the response she's given it. I say that it's a bigger problem because if they do work through this small issue without facing the bigger issue, it could still crop back up again if something else small happens in the future -- making those smaller problems serve as temporary band-aid fixes only.

    She needs to be honest with him AND with herself about the real problem if the relationship is ever going to be salvageable and/or a long term success. Otherwise, as I said in my other post, I can see where overreacting to small problems in order to avoid bigger ones could become a recurring theme -- and that's far from healthy.
     
  11. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Messages:
    124,890
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Kc
    probably, but in my mind kicking someone out of your house is dumping them.
     
  12. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    No. You're wrong.

    You assume when I said 'I love you' at the end of a break up discussion it was a lie. It was not. I was very much in love, but we weren't a good match. That's not to say I was being dishonest. You're making correlations that aren't there.

    What I said was, to tell him I loved him one last time was a way of easing my own pain. Even though I knew that ending the relationship was the correct choice, the finality was so intense and the actual break up discussion was such an upheaval that I needed some sense of normalcy. To give him a hug and a kiss and tell him I loved him, like I had done every other time I ever left his house, made that walk out the door a hell of a lot easier. That's not to say that I didn't still love him. Or that I even wanted to leave, but I had to go.

    Is it fair? No, I don't think so. It's self serving and confusing and sends some pretty mixed messages. And if I had it to do over again I probably wouldn't have said or done that.

    BBG, Just because someone feels the need to end a relationship does not necessarily mean that they no longer feel love for their soon to be ex significant other. As much as you'd like to believe that love is enough to carry a relationship, it is not. Some things cannot be worked out, regardless of how much love is shared.
     
  13. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.

    Hey, :rofl: don't take that out of context. There's no disagreement there. :dunno: Like I said, I think it's absurd of her to expect that they could or would stay together through this.




    Ack. And just to clarify part of my "people in the vag are too dump happy" comment (cause I can see where this is going), I've noticed that this seems to be the general the attitude that quite a few posters in the vag carry into the 'my relationship is in trouble' threads. Again, I was mentioning that because I didn't want Falc to write it off my post as a blanket :rolleyes: just leave her and move on comment. This is a big relationship for him and her motives and what's behind them are worth examining before he decides (if he decides) to officially give her the boot.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2010
  14. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    i was kicked out a year ago, and will be moving back in soon. our relationship is a boatload better. :)
     
  15. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    Dude, is it really that hard to believe that someone would rather have more time with you than more money to spend? :rofl: That shit is a deal breaker for a lot of people. Just read this forum and you'll see how many times people say "you make time for what is important to you". See the main word in that sentence is time not money? And I agree that giving her less of you today so she can have more of you later is b.s. Sorry. Planning for the future is one thing, but letting the present suffer because of it is something else entirely.
     
  16. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    50,618
    Likes Received:
    179
    Location:
    Dingoland
  17. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    30,849
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
  18. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,238
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    wtf? she waited until it was "you have to move out" bad before saying anything?

    did you ignore previous warnings of this issue?
     
  19. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2009
    Messages:
    924
    Likes Received:
    0
    So wait let me gather this....your working hard to allow a great future and she's upset and kicks you out of the house because you don't spend enough time with her. Do I have that right? Does it really sound like you two work together or that you're on the same page? Honestly I think it wouldn't be that bad to just go and talk to her and tell her that if you being kicked out you don't see why this relationship is going to work and you think it'd be better if you could just focus on your future because she obviously doesn't want to be there. If this is the hardest she can take before she kicks you out I don't see it working between you two. Good luck!
     
  20. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    I'm going to bet yes. He always seems to focus so much on what the future holds he neglects to see and enjoy the present. That's been obvious from his threads for years.


    Though it is really weird that the first time they had an adult conversation about it, it was to kick him out.
     
  21. john law

    john law Guest

    x2
     
  22. poormanq45

    poormanq45 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2009
    Messages:
    17,263
    Likes Received:
    0
    Do you live in fucking fairytale land?

    You must really hate Doctors and nurses that make excellent money, but they're always on call. That's their mistake, right?

    Falconer: If this chick really said that she's rather have more time with you then a wealthy life you may want to assess your priorities. You are more material oriented, she is emotional.

    This has me thinking that you're dating a white trash home girl...
     
  23. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    :rofl: Ignorant shit like this is why I love OT. God forbid someone wants to enjoy the NOW vs the future.
     
  24. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    :bowrofl: I don't live in a fairytale land. I live in a world where many people want to be happy with their relationships instead of being unhappy, but having money and some potential future happiness. CALL ME CRAZY!
    :roflw:
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    :uh:
     

Share This Page