SRS So my parents are ostracizing me now

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by konrad109, Oct 22, 2006.

  1. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    This morning I told my mom to fuck off, cause I was finally got fed up with her trying to stress me out before work. She told me that she was gonna throw out all the stuff on my desk while I was gone because it was messy. Whenever I go to work she tries to give me something to stress over so I don't feel comfortable while I'm there.

    Anyway, now I'm back from work and they're both ostracizing me. Normally my dad would be pissed off, but now hes afraid of me, so he's just giving me these really curt, disappointed responces. He's got that "I don't know what to do with you anymore, and I don't even care" type attitude. My mom won't even look at me. Anyway, it feels good not to be affected by this so much anymore. I used to get shunned by them anytime I tried to stand up to their verbal abuse and threats. When I was like 16, when I was weightlifting at home my mom would always bother me and talk down to me while I had a bunch of weight above my head. Saying things like "you're gonna drop it" or "isn't that too much weight for you?". I told her not to talk to me while I'm lifting because its distracting, so she stopped talking to me completely for about 3 months because I had "hurt" her so much. I can't wait till I can finally move out.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Its indeed really a form of emotional abuse.

    You have to act like a gateway, you know like a castle.

    Bringing good people/things in your life, banning bad people/things out of your life.

    Like you my dad always stamped my head into the ground, always negative till the point came that i said to myself , support me or get lost. Life has enough problems as it does, and i don't need someone in my life who tells me i cannot achieve anything. If your selfesteem has hit rock bottom, i suggest you start out with simple achievements, heck even cooking a meal will do. If it works you say to yourself 'see i can do it', then do something more complex and finish that and say to yourself 'see i can do it' up till the point that you realise your dad and mom are wrong, and you can achieve ANYTHING you want. At least know that the Asylum backs you up in achieving the greater good in your life.

    And you know, normally if you can do something but someone would say to you 'that's impossible', you'd say of course i can, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But with parents its different, they are your role models, and when they say something like 'you can never do it' it hits you far harder emotionally.

    You need to cut them out of your life and start working on your selfesteem by achieving things that are within your reach. If they demotivated you to do weightlifting, start weightlifting again, if they demotivated you to get a carreer, try to achieve a promotion. All these things just to say, hey your wrong, i can do it, and i can work my life out if i put my mind to it, not only that. I FULLY love/believe/support myself,and im going to get rid of anyone who doesn't agree with me so.

    You see, your life is like a flower. It needs 'room' to grow. If someone keeps on stamping the ground, the flower can never flourish. Or in other words your plans for life need an emotional safe haven that contains the conditions to reach that what you want to achieve in life.

    Don't let other people drive you crazy, just go for gold in life.
     
  3. Legend Zero

    Legend Zero OT Supporter

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    I know what you mean... My dad always make me feel like nothing, not recently.. but for a long time he did. I think it's because i grew up with my moms side of the family. But he'd always talk about my brothers achievements, and i feel like i'm nothing. Sometimes i still feel like that. My advice, try to ignore it the best you can, and just do what you have to for yourself. Just remember in the end, life is about you, don't let your parents get to you. Do what you have to and just give it your best. It's hard, i know...but rather than letting the verbal abuse consume you, let it defy you..

    "sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same..."
     
  4. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Any particular reason you haven't moved out yet?
     
  5. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    Yeah, I try not to let it effect me, and it doesn't as much as it used to, but the more causal acquaintances I make the more I notice how screwed I am in the head.

    Whenever an aquaintance looks at me with a blank face, or if they *dont* look at me in a specific way, something inside me automatically tells me that they think I'm an asshole or that I've somehow offended them. I'm pretty sure this is the effect of years and years of guilt trips and my assumption that everyone is out to get me. I think if I come off expecting people to hate me, those people will see it in my body language. They will naturally assume they should have a reason to hate me, and they will begin to hate me. Kind of a self fullfilling prophecy. I still haven't figured out how to break this cycle. Its so hard to actually put a smile on or get a conversation going when you really think the person you're talking to is either talking down to you or is thinking of ways to get back at you for something.

    The reason I haven't moved out yet is I'm in school with no $$. Another year or till I can finish my degree and hopefully get a decent job.
     
  6. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    konrad109, why don't you try and do the simple things they ask of you, like cleaning off the desk. Make an effort to be nice and I think things will improve.
     
  7. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    If I clean the desk, they will find something else. They don't actually care whether the desk is clean or not, since they're never in my room in the first place. They just wanna be able to control how I think, feel, and act.
     
  8. JS1

    JS1 sup

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    I moved out a week after I graduated from high school. It made going to college more difficult but I didn't see any other option other than going crazy.

    If you want to live with your parents to save money, I'm afraid you're going to have to suck it up.
     
  9. Jim Jones

    Jim Jones leave a message

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    It sucks, I know what it's like as well. I haven't spoken to my Dad or step-mother in a long time because of it :dunno: They were negative, negative, negative about everything until I blew up and then the verbal abuse turned into physical abuse directed at me. They'd say sorry and the process would start over again. Move out, and remove them from your life because they're bringing down the most important thing in your world... you.
     
  10. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    :werd: I did the same thing. I already knew I wasnt sticking around, but my mom would bitch about the littlest things. If I took a nap, she'd come down screaming I didnt need to sleep. Stupid shit, and I already knew I wanted to be closer to the bf - out I went. College has been a pain, especially with residency (they have me as a NC resident although I've been here a year & a half).

    But if you cant afford to leave, you're most likely going to have to deal with it. Tune it out if you can. Dont try and make it worse, because it will only stress you out more in the end.
     
  11. BadRotation

    BadRotation New Member

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    My parents rip on me CONSTANTLY about how I am fat, calling me an ugly fatass over and over, calling me a loser with a dead-end job, saying I will go nowhere in life. It definitely takes its toll. I am still trying to learn how to ignore it. I really am not that big compared to others out there, and hike 7 miles every other day, along with the tons of physical activity at work. Its not like I am gaining weight either, I just sort of settled in.
     

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