So my GF and I will be breaking up in a week or two...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Ari1979, Aug 1, 2008.

  1. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    Firstly, this probably won't come out with complete clarity so please bear with me. :hs:

    How the fuck do I deal with this? I've been with this girl for 3 years, it has taken us this long to realize that it simply doesn't work.

    For the past 2~ years we've had a very passionate but turbulent relationship. We have issues that stem from our first 6 months together, we are both quite controlling, stubborn, jealous, etc etc. We fight about everything. We will start with a small issue and it will build up until it leads to verbal and sometimes physical violence (for the record i've never done any worse than restrain her.)

    I am a very logical person, I know this doesn't work, I know i'm only happy for about 3% of the time we spend together, yet the idea of us being apart still breaks my heart. I wish i could get rid of my dependence on this girl. These are supposed to be the best years of my life, why am I scared to let go of this mountain of stress?

    How should I best prepare myself for this imminent breakup? This is the only serious relationship i've ever been in and i'm scared shitless.

    Writing that out helped put my situation in perspective a little bit. :)

    I would greatly appreciate any advice or insight.

    thanks.
     
  2. b-dizzle

    b-dizzle Corporate Man-whore

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    learn your lesson from this, and cut your losses earlier with the next one.

    Get over it by keeping busy and partying. Meet new girls.
     
  3. Paulblo

    Paulblo OT Supporter

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    cut all contact
     
  4. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    i know i'll bump into at least a couple times this year, that probably won't end well. oh well :hs:
     
  5. fray

    fray New Member

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    This is one of those situations that is terribly difficult to take the step to separate yourself from, but once you're out you'll be so relieved you'll wonder why you waited so long.
     
  6. N D S

    N D S you're like salsa, thick and chunky

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    :werd: you're going to feel great afterwards. :) You'll be fine don't worry.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Why are you breaking up in a "week or two?" So you can prepare yourself?

    No way. You're just prolonging the inevitable, no matter how much you "prepare" yourself. And while I'm sorry your relationship has reached the point of no return the only thing you can do is move on completely by cutting contact and remembering that you are still young and there are millions of other women out there who you can start fresh with.
     
  8. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    any reason for the timing?

    how old are you two?
     
  9. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    You need to cut all contact right now. Not in a week or two. Unless you want to use her for sex or something. Just don't let it get in your head that there might be a chance. Relationships aren't supposed to be like this. It's dangerous because you two are addicted to each other and the intense drama makes you feel like you two belong together.
     
  10. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Usually two jealous people work well together. They come to agreements about rules that appease both their jealousies.

    - I don't want you doing x, y, and z that makes me jealous so I won't do x, y, or z, either.

    Usually there's only issues when one person is jealous and other one isn't because they have differing views of what is allowed in a relationship.
     
  11. d3cromanc3r

    d3cromanc3r 79 Слизняков

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    i spent just over 3 years with a girl that was the same way. she would often get physical with me, we'd be having an awesome time then she'd just flip(she was bipolar), she'd break up with me often, then come back begging for me to take her back the next day or so, and i kept doing it because i was comfortable with her and didn't want to be alone.

    then i finally gave up on her, and broke it off, and it sucked for a little bit, but i picked up hobbies and kept busy and I got over her a lot faster than i thought i would. moved on a lot faster than i thought i would. and met someone who i could have a real relationship with, found out what it was like to be treated how i deserved to be treated, and now when i look back, i can't believe i stayed around for that long.

    if things are as bad as they seem, it really won't be as hard as you think it will be.
     
  12. Sneaky Ranger

    Sneaky Ranger Didn't know bout dem der Jedi Squirrels did ya

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    When the wife and I first moved in together we had problems for probably the first year and then we started to adjust and now we are fine.

    We started of almost like you say you did. But if its not getting any better than its time to call it quits IMO.
     
  13. dan7532

    dan7532 New Member

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    HORRIBLE horrible reason to be in a relationship.
     
  14. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    We're breaking up in a week or two because we are actually taking a trip together :rofl: We leave tomorrow and are gone for 5 days.

    i really hope the trip goes well. Despite the break up I think it will be enjoyable. There's nothing left to fight about or stress over, we know it's ending :wtc:
     
  15. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    i'm 20 she's 19.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2008
  16. SirBoss7

    SirBoss7 Life is a tragedy to those who feel and a comedy t

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    Keeping busy is the best thing I would think. Start running. I'm seriously addicted to a runner's high. When things get rough, I will go out and jog, even for just 2 miles, so I can think clearly for a few hours.

    Maybe try volunteering somewhere for a bit? maybe the act of helping others will give you a good self-image, general sense of being a good human feeling, boost.

    My first fling never grew into a relationship. It was this fascimile thing for like 6-8 months. Luckily, when school started again, I was so busy taking 19 hours, doing rotc, and running on 2-4 hrs of sleep a night, that it helped me put things in perspective and to isolate everything into a corner of my mind where I could just look at it completely indifferent and rationally.
     
  17. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    I used to run all the time but since my relationship's gone sour that's stopped. I'm in way worse shape now than I was years ago. I definitely like exercise to clear my head and plan on sticking to a routine from now on. :)

    The silver lining of this break up for me is that I will be going back to school in a month. Student life, new job, sports, girls, etc. etc. I'm at least excited for those things.

    Can anyone tell me what it means when my biggest concern right now is her being with another guy and not me being alone?
     
  18. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    I used to run all the time but since my relationship's gone sour that's stopped. I'm in way worse shape now than I was years ago. I definitely like exercise to clear my head and plan on sticking to a routine from now on. :)

    The silver lining of this break up for me is that I will be going back to school in a month. Student life, new job, sports, girls, etc. etc. I'm at least excited for those things.

    Can anyone tell me what it means when my biggest concern right now is her being with another guy and not me being alone?
     
  19. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    You two are too young to take relationships so seriously that jealousy is such a huge issue. Just enjoy being together with each other.
     
  20. armond

    armond New Member

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    cut all contact, move on. physical violence is a killer in any relationship, and verbal can be worse, especially over time.

    you basically want to be the first to move on. believe me, give yourself a little time, you wont even care about her after a while.
     
  21. dan7532

    dan7532 New Member

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    WORD!!!
     
  22. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    You are both changing too, so things aren't going to work out, you aren't teh same as you were when you were 14/17
     
  23. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    You started dating her when she was 14, I don't know why you would expect to still be together 3 years later. You should definitely cut contact with her and try only thinking about the reasons why you are breaking up. You probably keep thinking about her being with another guy because like you said you are a jealous person.
     
  24. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    CORRECTION: The girl is 19 NOT 17. sorry
     
  25. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    I am not in fact a jealous person, just when it comes to her. When we first started dating we wouldn't become overly jealous about other guys/girls, it seemed to develop over time. I have been thinking about what it would be like to start fresh with a new girl and I know I wouldn't get jealous over the same things that I currently do.
     

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