So my game pretty much sucks right now

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Girder_Shade, Jan 25, 2010.

  1. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

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    I'm not even sure what to ask.

    I'm just having a hard time talking to women because I lack game I think.
    Btw I am referring to asian women, not entirely sure if that makes any difference.

    I'm not as bad when I'm tipsy or drunk because I can losen up and not care so much about what to think or say but even then I can't seem to keep their attention.

    I look after myself as in I dress smart and I'm in good shape, so I figured that would help lean in my favour.

    It feels my only chance to interact with them is at a night club or a bar when the setting is more relaxed and chances are they have been drinking also which is pretty pathetic.

    I've casually dated white girls in the past so I'm not completely new at this but right now I'm trying to find something serious, maybe a bar/club is not the right setting to find that person but there are always different types of people which go, not just the attention whoring kind.

    Anyway does anybody have any solid advice I could use? :o

    Btw I completely forgot about this forum, last time I posted in here was like over a year ago. :run:
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I have to go take my laundry out of the washer and then I am all over this thread.
     
  3. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Here's your answer, whether you realized it or not.

    When you are drunk, you don't care about the outcome or the rejection.

    So, start approaching girls without a specific goal or outcome in mind and just focus on enjoying the experience.
     
  4. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

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    harder said than done. :o

    But even when I'm drunk, my game is still pretty average, it's just I shrug it off more easily. :rofl:
     
  5. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

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    Actually for the past half hour I've been reading through some of the threads in here and there's so much solid advice.
    I should've came here earlier. :bowdown:
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I know how hard it can be to get to that point. Wasn't easy for me to reach that conclusion either, but once I DID get there, I started having success where I wasn't having any success before.

    And the kicker...I had WAAAAAAAAY more fun.
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Like Viper said, you probably care too much about the outcome. People are usually afraid of talking to chicks because they're afraid of getting rejected, of looking silly or having the chick make fun of them or say "no" if they ask them out.

    Are you Asian or white?

    This is the reason why some people go out and practice and limit themselves to one drink, or zero drinks. You don't want to rely on alcohol as a crutch. Besides, if you see some chick you want to talk to in the middle of the day, you probably won't be drinking.

    It definitely isn't hurting anything. But do keep in mind that with women, appearance isn't quite as important as it is to guys. Have you ever seen an ugly dbag with a hot chick? It's pretty common, isn't it. Those guys must have something the chicks want, then, besides looks. Usually that thing they have is one or more of the following: high social status, power, or excitement.

    At least you know people at bars and night clubs are there to meet people. Of course, sometimes this means the women will have their "bitch shields" up. A bitch shield is when a woman is automatically a bitch to you at first no matter what you say to her just because she's "tired of guys hitting on her" so she automatically assumes you're the same as the last dbag.

    It could be argued that most people in clubs are the attention whoring kind. Of course, there are also good-gf-type-women there.

    Regardless, it can be a good place to practice.

    You need to be good at talking to people before you're going to meet a gf.

    ...unless you're just looking to find chicks to fuck, in which case things are actually probably going to be easier.
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    You'll find that as you get more experienced, your "game" will just come naturally.

    It's not about saying this and then saying that and following complex rules like you learn in Mystery Method. Once you "get it," you just go out and be confident and be awesome and it doesn't matter what you say; you'll have success.
     
  9. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

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    so basically just go out with no intention of getting with the girl and see where it goes from there?

    btw I'm half asian, half white.
     
  10. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    That's part of the correct mindset.

    If a chick can tell that you're TOTALLY hung up on talking to her, it will push her away.

    Have you ever talked to someone like that? It's super annoying.

    Similarly, have you ever talked to a woman where you were way into her but she didn't care? You really wanted her approval and validation, didn't you. That's what you want the women to be feeling about you.

    You want to adopt the mindset of not caring. And I don't mean faking it, I mean literally NOT CARING. If you go home with 10 numbers of 0 numbers, you don't care either way, because you had a good time and you are an awesome guy. This is much easier said than done, especially because doing well boosts your ego, and doing poorly hurts :hs:

    If you know you're a cool guy and people have a problem with you, that's their problem, not yours.

    Do you think when Brad Pitt goes to a bar he cares if chicks talk to him or not? Ignore the fact for now that Brad Pitt has social status and all that other crap women like. Just imagine what his attitude would be if he walked into a bar.

    Part of the way you can convey the "I don't really care" attitude is with body language. For example:

    When you're talking to a chick, if you're all leaning toward her, she's going to feel like you're way too into her and you're crowding her space. But, if you notice that you're leaning back and a chick you're talking to is leaning into your space, that's a good signal. It means she's interested.

    What Asian? Do you speak the language?
     
  11. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

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    That's some solid advice Falconer. :bowdown:
    I just gotta remember this stuff.

    I'm half flip, half german.

    I know some korean and mandarin, but not enough to hold a conversation. :o
    I'm learning the languages at the moment.
     
  12. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

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    Actually what are some good ways to start a conversation with a random girl/girls you meet at a bar/club?
    I usually ask where they are from and go from there but sometimes I run out of things to talk about and it goes downhill.

    Also learnt that I should not buy a girl a drink unless we've already established good vibes the whole night.
    One other thing, whats some other good advice to follow in bars and clubs?

    Thanks. :o
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Korean is motherfucking hard. I've written some long posts about why it's so hard. I even did one in your thread here (at the bottom of the post):
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showpost.php?p=125214362&postcount=67

    Hey wait a sec, didn't you troll me in that thread? I should give you bad advice here so you bomb hardcore when you go out :rofl:
     
  14. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    There are whole books on this subject. Don't say "did you see the fight outside?" because it was over popularized on the Pickup Artist TV show.

    We can go into specifics of what to do and say, but generally speaking if a chick is interested in you it doesn't matter... or you can let her try to continue the conversation.

    Remember, if the chick is really into you she will start thinking "oh no, I don't want this conversation to get dull." You know how you're thinking "oh shit I have nothing else to talk about?" You want the girl to think that.

    Good :bigthumb:
     
  15. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

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    Korean does not seem so bad, I have a few audiobooks on how to speak it on my ipod and I listen to it everyday to and from work. :cool:

    About the troll, so sorry about that.
    I blame SugarCoatedSour for insinuating the whole thing. :rofl:

    He is still trolling you in the AC thread. :o

    Anyway thanks for the info. :bigthumb: :bowdown:
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Dude I couldn't get very far with Korean because I couldn't hear/pronounce the difference between the different versions of the same consonants. Maybe your ear is better than mine. I've been hearing it on a daily/weekly basis for over 10 years now and I still can't hear it. Maybe one day I'll try again.

    And already being familiar with Japanese grammar, Korean annoyed me cuz it was like a more complicated version of Japanese grammar :dunno:

    /backontopic
     
  17. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

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    I'm kinda picky but the only girls I'm trying to get with currently have to be either Japanese, Chinese or Korean. :o
     
  18. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

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    anyway I'm off to bed, early start tomorrow.

    thanks for the info.
     
  19. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Hmmm, every now and again Falconer posts little nuggest of gold. :mamoru:

    No, that's still a goal. Instead of trying to get a goal, now you're setting your goal to be a negative "no intentions of trying to get with a girl."

    Go out with the mindset that you are going to have a good time and talk to everyone. See that ugly shemale over there? Go talk to her. The fat girl in the corner? Go talk to her. The hotties at the bar? Yeah, talk to them too. The dudes who come to buy drinks? Yep. Have a smile on your face, laugh, joke around, and shit the shit. Befriend the bartender. Play some pool. Dance. Whatever. You are out there to have a good time and that's your goal. And if you are alone, don't sweat it. I go out alone all the time and thus far I almost always manage to meet and talk to someone interesting.

    I promise you if you get into this mindset (which may require you to rearrange some of your beliefs...if you want, I can delve into that a bit deeper too), that you will NEVER come home thinking you are failure and you will never come home down on yourself. And sometimes you'll come home with a phone number in your pocket or make out with a girl on the dance floor or go bang the shit out of her that night. :dunno:
     
  20. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    And before I get sackrode, all of that ^ is from personal experience and not that of my "really cool cousin" :mamoru:. He was the just the catalyst that helped me get over myself.
     
  21. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

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    That sounds like the way to go.

    So about changing my mindset and rearranging my beliefs, what's the best way to go about achieving this? :o
     
  22. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    its gonna take time

    part of it is fake it til you make it

    falc and viper can give you a heads up though :o
     
  23. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

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    i was expecting a waste of my time coming in here, but i was pleasantly surprised.

    :bigthumb:
     
  24. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    That's the hard part.

    It's easy to say "oh yeah, I don't care about whatever" but it's fucking hard to actually not care.

    (I'm gonna use PUA terminology here cuz that's the easier way for me to do it)

    In my experience, three things are required in order to start experiencing success.

    1) You have to know what to do (strangely enough, the better you get, the less important this one becomes. I'll explain later)

    2) You have to have the right mindset

    3) You have to be congruent with your mindset (this is the most important one)

    Ok, let's look at people who study the Mystery Method or whatever and know exactly what to say and what to do. This is #1 above. This is all "outer game" stuff. You can know the perfect opening line, the perfect joke, the perfect neg, touch her at exactly the right moment, and still fail.

    Consider if you (someone who is just beginning to work on improving their social skills) and some other dude (Mr. Cool Suave Player) go out. You both use the same exact opening line, you both do everything exactly the same... you will most likely fail and he will most likely succeed. "But why?" you might ask, "we did exactly the same stuff!" Which brings me to #2:

    Mr. Cool Suave Player is the right mindset. He knows he is a cool guy. He knows that chicks want to get to know him. He knows that he brings excitement and fun everywhere he goes. Because he knows this, he displays an innate confidence that you don't (yet) have.

    #3 You have to be congruent with your mindset. What does that mean? A lot of guys go out to the bars and try to act a certain way, but they seem like they're faking it. Why? Because they're trying to act like Mr. Suave Stud and using all his lines and everything, but they don't have the confidence, they don't believe that they are actually awesome people. Most people, especially chicks, can see right through this. You may have experienced a form of this when you first went to college and you saw some kids trying to act cool, but you could tell that something just wasn't quite right. You later find out that these kids were the nerdy kids in high school who were trying really hard to be "cool" in college, but the way they were acting (like "cool" kids) wasn't congruent with who they actually believed they were (deep down inside they still felt that they were uncool nerds). So the end result is this weird sort of social dischord (music term, hope it makes sense here) where their behavior doesn't quite fit who they are.

    Make sense?

    You can have all the best opening lines and still bomb, especially if you don't seem confident.

    Of course, no one is confident in the beginning. It takes time. Opening chicks is scary. Even though you realize that "what's the worst that can happen? She says 'no.' Um... who cares???" it's still scary. So you're not going to be confident and everything the first times you do it. But eventually you will realize two things:

    1) It really doesn't matter even if you bomb.
    2) You will occasionally have success... confidence building... it feels good.

    When you start, talk to everyone.

    I started by opening 5s and 6s because I was confident and knew I was better looking than them, but I wasn't confident or cool enough to open 9s and 10s. Strangely enough, I did worse talking with the 5s and 6s than I did with more attractive women (probably because they could tell that I really wasn't interested AT ALL, or the disparity between my looks and their looks made them assume I was just wasting their time, but that's another discussion for another thread)

    Alright, so why did I say that #1 actually doesn't matter after you get good?

    Because once you are an awesome guy, and you know that you are an awesome guy, and you are congruent with being an awesome guy, you can literally do whatever the hell you want and say whatever the hell you want and still have success. Of course, this is like high-level Jedi master type of stuff, but in the beginning you will occasionally have nights like this and it will blow your mind.

    Think about Brad Pitt again. If he goes out to a bar and wants to meet people do you think he worries about "oh no, what opening line do I use?" No. Even if he was in some place where no one recognized him, he would still be successful because he knows he is awesome, he is confident, and he gives off "I am high-value" vibes. Chicks love that.

    This post was pretty general even tho I touched on some specific concepts. Let me know if you have any questions.
     
  25. Sr20magik

    Sr20magik OT Supporter

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    Sweet post dude
     

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