So my friend's "fiance" broke up with him today.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Rich, Dec 16, 2007.

  1. Rich

    Rich New Member

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    Kid is fucking 20 years old and was engaged, dating this bitch for 2 years. Girl had him on a leash to the point where he had to lie to her to hang out with his friends. She used to call him CONSTANTLY and broke up with him pretty much because she found out he was lying about going to bed and shit to hang out with friends.

    Problem is that he keeps answering her calls and talking to her even though she doesn't want to get back together. I told him that he needs to act like he doesn't care but he won't listen.

    OT, what can I do to help my friend realize that he's making himself look pathetic and ruining his chances of getting back with her?
     
  2. ZACKMORRIS

    ZACKMORRIS Active Member

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    Bitch even offered to give him back his $1300 dollar engagement ring, and he refused. Fucking retard.
     
  3. Rich

    Rich New Member

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    She broke up with him this morning and that's what I've been doing all day. :)

    I told him what to do and he did good for a couple hours, she kept texting and calling and I would just be like "ignore that" and she finally sent him a text that just said "I love you" but then when that happened he fucked up and answered the next 3 calls totaling 30+ minutes each.
     
  4. Rich

    Rich New Member

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    I know right. lol
     
  5. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Ugh. I don't understand how people let themselves get to that point.

    An SO is bound to occasionally make requests you find unreasonable or simply don't want to do. I will never understand why the other one doesn't say "i'm sorry, but thats not going to happen." Do this, and he/she will probably get pissed, but understand, and the problem blows over.


    If you promise to change a behavior you don't intend to change you are inviting conflict.
    Instead of having to deal with the fact that the behavior won't change, they a. Think it did, and will now be pissed because you didn't change, AND lied about it and
    b. Come to expect you to change your behavior based on their request, which they WILL now expect in the future.
     
  6. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I see this shit all the time though, and it didn't start with "listen you can't see your friends anymore"
    it starts with "can I see you every friday" then to, "I wish youd spend less time with them, and more with me," etc etc until you can't see them at all.
    At ANY point in time this guy had the option to not be a pushover and say "listen, Suzie, I understand you want to spend time with me, but tonight i'm going to go do whatever it is I do with my friends, i'm setting aside thursday evening for you though, lets make dinner and watch a movie then okay?"
     
  7. Rich

    Rich New Member

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    Exactly. The sad part is he had a free education here and followed her to some college in Virginia which he had to take out a $40k student loan to go to. He's down here (FL) for this month because it's Winter break and he told her he wanted to hang out with his friends because he sees her every day in Virginia so it's not a big deal if they don't hang out that much over break, but she bitched and said "You don't want to spend time with me blah blah blah."
     
  8. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I was in that situation with my last bf :hs:

    He started not wanting to go out, then slowly started keeping me in the house more, and I made concession after concession until it got to the point where I couldn't go anywhere but work without him throwing a fit.

    But I also understand, that, much like your friend, I sort of created that monster. I let him become reliant on me as his primary social contact, and gave in to his increasingly insane demands, making me unhappy. He knew i was unhappy, and assumed I was only happy when I went out with my friends (true) and started to HATE my friends for that.
    If I had been less accommodating to his demands, I would have been happier in the relationship, giving him less reason to resent my friends and me. That resentment, and his social isolation really began the downfall of our relationship.

    Its VERY hard to recover from a situation like your friends. She's used to having her way, and will find anything else upsetting, and he's going to cave in to every demand. even if she tries to stop being controlling, she'll slip up, and if he doesn't have the guts to stand up to her when she does, he'll facilitate it starting all over.
     
  9. Rich

    Rich New Member

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    Yeah I told him that by still hanging out with her and stuff and talking about getting back together he's just giving her what she wants and with that she'll never get back with him because he just seems pathetic. He still keeps telling her he loves her and tells her to call him to say good night and stuff but she told him she doesn't want to. He needs to just bail on the whole thing because he's just making it worse.
     
  10. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Sounds like he's not gonna listen, no matter how hard you try. Don't waste your energy, let him learn for himself.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :hsugh: Sounds like a healthy relationship....If that's the situation that would possibly break up their relationship then they will never make it anyway. Here's to hoping they break the engagement before they're stupid enough to get married.
     
  12. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    A good post about an all-to-common situation.
     
  13. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Just to clarify, who is keeping the communication up between the two?

    At first you said it was her who kept calling and texting him but then you also stated that he was the one who kept asking her to call him and hang with him, etc...

    If she's still keeping constant contact then she just broke up with him to scare him.... I am betting they get back together pretty soon. If not now, then def. when they go back to school in Virginia.

    But if for some reason "doubtful" he has come to the conclusion that he is better off without a girl like that then he needs to cut her off. It's nearly impossible to be friends with an ex that you loved when she is in control of the "friendship" and starts talking to other guys.
    And by friends I mean real friends, not the fake "we're just friends" where you still have sex and say you love each other.
     
  14. Rich

    Rich New Member

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    Well, she talks to him like a friend, but she broke up with him because she said that he's "changed" since they started dating or whatever. She told him she just wants to be friends but like you said that's pretty much impossible so he's doing himself no good by still talking to her, not to mention that whenever he talks to her he starts a whole conversation about he loves her even though she's like "naw son".
     
  15. ZACKMORRIS

    ZACKMORRIS Active Member

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    R1ch and I are pretty sure it's Him, the reason the relationship is that way. We've talked to his mom on the few occasions we've gone over there lately, and she tells us that 1) he's an idiot and 2) he's the one who calls her all the time and stuff.
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    That reminds me. I want the diamond necklace I gave my ex back. Before I told her she could keep it, but I want it now. I would either pawn it and take a new girl out to dinner with the money, or I'd pawn it and buy myself something, or I'd give it to my sister or something :rofl: Is that weird? It's a nice necklace :rofl:
     
  17. ZACKMORRIS

    ZACKMORRIS Active Member

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    Fuck no. You should take expensive shit away from other people when you break up. There's no sense in letting them get the spoils of the separation.
     
  18. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    To your sister, no thats probably cool.
    To a new chick, :rofl:
     
  19. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    I dunno, its a gift right? which means its hers now, you GAVE it to her, she didnt "steal it" as spoils of the separation. If she offers to give it back, thats one thing, but that's her choice. And if she does give it back, I could see nothing wrong with pawning it or giving it to your sister.
     
  20. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    so if you bought a gift for a friend for his bday and then you had a fight and were no longer friends would you demand your gift back?

    Sounds to me like back in the day when i was 5-6 y/o and whenever we had fights with our friends we always demanded everything we ever gave or traded or exchanged back " give me my dolls keep your rags, this barbie jacket was mine..." I hope you are old enough to have more sence than that and be more mature than go and ask for every gift you made.

    When you buy something and give as gift you dont stipulate " here this is for wile you are still my gf or still my friend". Engagement rings are different of course since the act of saying yes and accepting the ring says with this ring i promise to marry you and once you break up this promise is broken so the ring should be returned. But necklace? whats next ask her to pay you back every bill you have picked?
     
  21. ZACKMORRIS

    ZACKMORRIS Active Member

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    It depends on how sour things go. Do you really think that other person is going to want to keep something that reminds them of you anyway?
     
  22. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    QFMFT. I hate people who do that shit. The ONLY gift that you should give back is an engagement ring.
     
  23. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Although I don't think you should DEMAND something back, I see this too.
    I have a ring an ex bought me (not engagement, but expensive none the less) and I have no idea what to do with it. I don't wear it because is signifies a relationship i'm not in anymore, and wearing it would make me feel weird, and I think would be disrespectful to my current relationship.
    I've thought about selling it, but I would feel bad making money off of a gift.
    I can't really give it back, I haven't spoken to him in years and would have no idea how to get in touch with him.
    So its just sitting in a box collecting dust, and I have NO idea what to do with it.
    I have been thinking about just selling it and donating the money? Ugh
     

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