SRS So my dad is a pussy and I don't know how to help him...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Hym3n, Aug 8, 2008.

  1. Hym3n

    Hym3n New Member

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    I'll try and make this as short and simple as possible.

    I'm 20 and still live at home. Parents divorced like 12-13 years ago and still remain friends. Both have dated others on and off again, but neither has remarried. Two-three years ago my dad met a woman that "took [his] breath away." Since then, I've been more or less spying on him, since A) I don't trust this woman, and B) I get off on reading about how pathetic he is.

    They never dated. It was all one-sided, he's crazy for her, she's... not interested. This is evident in her treatment of him. He sends her flowers constantly, flies her (and even her BOYFRIEND once) places, treats her and her extended family to nice shit when he's not even invited, basically goes all out on her. Granted, he has the means to do so, but the feelings are never reciprocated. After a year and a half or so, they fucked. I guess she finally gave in. Afterwards, she pulled away big time. He probably has a tiny dick, fuck if I know, but the chick wanted away, and he was pressing a lot harder. E-mails from her were reading things of the "you're just a friend"-type, and trying to kindly push him away. He kept persisting. It got to a point where every e-mail she wrote him was something to the effect of a "thanks, but go away." His e-mails were nothing less than pathetic. He clearly reeked of desperation and had no idea how to handle a woman like this, as she would talk about seeing multiple different partners in the time him and her have been talking.

    Eventually they stopped talking for a couple months, then got right back to it. They'll hang out here and there once a week or so, go bike riding or something, he'll push really hard, and she'll always shy away. Every time. She is NOT intereted and he just won't get the hint. This happens quite often.

    Which brings me to tonight. About a month ago he came home all teary-eyed because she apparently put him down pretty hard. She's been seeing a new guy for a few months and him and her seem to be doing well. My dad won't stop pushing her to hang out with him, but she, as usual, isn't interested. Tonight she obliged to go bike riding with him (apparently her boyfriend is out of town, great). So what does he do? Takes off from work at noon to come home and prepare the house for her arrival. I can understand wanting to have a clean place for when someone's coming over, but I'm talking excessive cleaning, and taking off from work to do so. The place looks freaking spotless and smells of cleaner. Its absurd. No one keeps a house this clean. I've been directed to leave by no later than "8:10PM." He's closed all of the doors around the house (not normal for us), taken down pictures of my brother and I (he sees it as clutter), rearranged magnets on the fridge, vacuumed twice, I'm talking EXCESSIVE cleaning.

    And when I try and tell him that he's being ridiculous and that she's just using him (he frequently arranges things for her, gives her gifts, etc., and does nothing for it at all except push him away), he completely blows up, resulting in a furious argument that I generally just blow off. Per their e-mails, this chick is CLEARLY hanging out with him just to get free things, and he doesn't give a shit about it. He'll tell me that they're just friends and that that's all he wants it to be, but when I read what he writes to her, it is apparent that he wants much more.

    I think its a bunch of shit. He needs to pull his head out of his ass, delete the bitch's number, and get the fuck out and meeting more people. He doesn't have many (or any) friends. I try my best to give him suggestions about where to go to make friends, things he can do (he's not into the bar scene at age 50), and he tried the internet dating bit with little success. The guy has charisma and is making great money, is in good, healthy shape, but just doesn't have the social skills to do anything with it. How can I help him get out and meet people? How can I help him get away from this woman, when he doesn't want to, depite the fact that she is clearly using him?
     
  2. Mr. Pelham

    Mr. Pelham Guest

    Is this "Father", you?
     
  3. Xicculus

    Xicculus OT Supporter

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    Wow, dude. I have no advice, just to say I sympathize. Sounds like your dad is pussywhipped, but good. One suggestion would be to discuss it with your mom and see what advice she has to give, but obviously without knowing the details of their divorce I don't know how much of an impact she'll care to make.
     
  4. BCKane

    BCKane KPS 99

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    I would have a sit down with him and anyone else you can get to back you up. Have any other family in the area? If you are completely desperate, i would talk to the lady and tell her to hit the road.

    Sounds like your dad needs an intervention.
     
  5. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    On Topic means don't be a rude jack-off, which some of those posts conveyed.
     
  6. BobBarkersSoup

    BobBarkersSoup New Member

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    Oh no he lives with his dad and wants to help him not get played like a chump, what a bad son?


    But in all seriousness, how solid is your relationship with your dad hym3n? Like is it fairly limited and you don't talk seriously very often or are you guys really close or what?
     
  7. ASoT

    ASoT New Member

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    Contact the women and tell her to fuck off for using your weak-ass father. He might get mad at you but at the end of the day, you're his son and he will forget about it. He likes you more than the woman so you'll have to make a temporary sacrifice and have him hate you for a while until he gets back on his feet.
     
  8. Specialist23

    Specialist23 OT Supporter

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    by her responding in any way, she is obviously just leading him on. tell him this. tell him to just cut all contact with her and see what happens. if she's not interested, then she'll stop as well and they both move on. if there is something else there that she's not admitting too, then she'll contact him.

    IF she does this, i would suggest highly that he plays it off as if it's nothing. wait at least a few days before responding to show that he has better things to do than to deal with her. this only if he is truly interested. personally, i would just walk away.
     
  9. Mr. Kitty Litter

    Mr. Kitty Litter OT Supporter

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    Paging Yail Boor
     
  10. Jack Horner

    Jack Horner Guest

    It's sad, but there's nothing you can do. He needs to realize (for himself) that he's being played AND that he's not going to put up with it any longer -- that's the only way that the situation is going to change. You can talk to him, you can try to open his eyes, but you can't make him change. Otherwise, you're going to drive him away from this chick and into the arms of another just like her.

    It sounds like he's made it pretty clear that he doesn't want your advice. At this point in time, your efforts are damn near futile. It must be hard to watch, but there's nothing you can do about it.

    Here's to hoping that your dad grows a pair.
     
  11. hawk_196

    hawk_196 Light Yourself on Water

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    Offer to go out and pick up chicks with him.

    And when I say offer, I mean force.
     
  12. Cock Diesel

    Cock Diesel New Member

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    He's gonna have to learn this lesson, on his own. Sadly, I have a feeling that she and the boyfriend are going to (or have already) figure out they can take him for a large sum of money just as long as he is obsessed with her.

    It's gonna be a ugly scene at the bottom of the cliff he's diving off of.
     
  13. dontfrostthepie

    dontfrostthepie New Member

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  14. BobBarkersSoup

    BobBarkersSoup New Member

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    He says when he tries to tell his dad about it he gets pissed etc.etc. so an idea he could try is (this is why I asked how close he is with his dad) is go to talk to him and say you/a friend is having some girl problems and you wanna talk about it. Then proceed to describe everything but make sure he doesn't realize you're actually talking about him. Tell the story in such a way that he wont think it's him but he might start seeing parallels between the situations.

    I have no clue if it would work at all though, depends on the dad's personality and how close they are with each other :dunno:
     
  15. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Wait a minute...
    OP is a dude?
    I mean, I saw the name HYMAN and assumed the OP was a she. (a hyman being a part of the female anatomy)

    And reading the post, the OP seems to have a lot of hostility for his/her/its Father....

    You know, there are things going on here deeper then the Dad being a pussy or a looser.

    The OP needs to get some shit of his/her/its own straightened out before bringing out the judgement hammer on his/her/its dad.

    In all fairness to the OP a divorce can fuck someone up something fierce.

    Bottom line with the Dad is that I am not a big fan of the aggression towards the Dad. The Dad is just trying to live his life the best he can. He can use some help, but the putdowns and the negativity? They are not helpful.
     
  16. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I see it like this, your dad is madly in love with this woman, and sadly love makes blind.

    And this is exactly what you should say(in this you'll be his father for one day) and do. Tell him you want to talk to him and both of you sit down for a moment. Just tell him you are worried about him, ask him if he knows about the old saying love makes blind? Well you don't want to make him angry or anything, but tell him that love should go both ways, tell him that you feel that he has done so much investment in her, ask him if love is going both ways in this relationship between her and him? Tell him that you are really hurted by the fact that he is hurting himself so much by investing so much energy in a woman that isn't putting anything back into the relationship, that its unhealthy and that you want him to stop from seeing this woman. Not because you want to forbid him anything, tell him you would love nothing more then to see your dad happy, but are feeling really depressed on seeing him unhappy and that you feel he should stop investing into a bottomless pit, because the efforst invested are going nowhere. Ask him to please open his eyes and be realistic about the relationship on behalf of everyone's health. :hsd:
     
  17. Hym3n

    Hym3n New Member

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    Finally a solid reply (as were a handful of the others). Thank you very much for your input, and I'm glad that this thread was moved to the proper section. I think I am going to go through with this.

    To answer other questions:
    -By "father," I mean my dad, not me.
    -My mom is with me in the thought that he's ridiculous about it, but neither of us are in a position to just tell him to stop.
    -I don't want to cockblock my dad. If anything, I feel like I'm having to guide the cock. This chick is NOT cutting it.
    -My dad and I are close off and on. I'm the type that is typically gone all day and night and returns home here and there to say "hey" for a minute. I'd say once a week we have a meal or watch a movie together, and once every other week, a good two-hour talk. Our relationship is healthy. We're both very hard-headed however, and this makes arguments, or points of disagreement difficult.
    -I'd LOVE to tell the woman to fuck off, but I get the feeling he'd kick me out for that one. He's simply too attached to her, and from his point of view, was living on his own at 18, just like I should be. (Even though being 20 and living at home really isn't bad at all...)
    -I hope he grows a pair as well. I'd love to go to a bar (when I turn 21 haha..) or even a damn strip club with him just for kicks. Instead he's too twitterpaited to do a damn thing socially anymore, even with me half the time.
    -Yes, I'm a dude. Last name Hyman. That's what all my friends call me, and how I introduce myself, or Buster or Poppa. The actual "part" is Hymen. I am a geek, so, Hyman = Hymen = Hym3n. People never forget it and I love it.
    -I have hostility for my father--only in this regard. I've simply had enough of this woman, she is wrecking his life, and in turn has made my life in living with him quite difficult at times. The divorce changed him, I'm sure, but they have now been divorced for longer than they were even married. He is fine now, just a pussy. I have some putdowns for him because as mentioned, I've just had enough of this woman coming in and wringing him for all he's worth. It's absurd. I don't like watching this happen to someone that I care about.
     
  18. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    Easy there Freud.
     
  19. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You definitly need to go thru this, this state of rediculousness has got to stop, you dad needs to understand that he needs to stop beating a dead horse, its no use pursuading this woman because she's not interested , she doesn't want to be with him. Be man enough to say it to him, and don't get infected with his pussyness because this stuff needs to be said.
     
  20. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Woa. This is freakin intense! I can't even imagine being in your position. I think you're doing the right thing by talking to him. Totally in for updates...
     
  21. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    You can't. You can't help someone more than he wants to change in the first place. You can offer alternatives, solutions, suggest things. But in the end, you have to accept that it's up to him to take the decisions and live with it.

    You said :
    Maybe it's time for you to focus on the choices that YOU have to make for your own life instead of trying to make him chose the things you want him to do. I'm not sure how mature it is for you to spy on him anyway. I kinda get from your message that you went through his emails and such too.
     
  22. Bacardi 151

    Bacardi 151 New Member

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    :werd:
     
  23. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    :hsugh: there's nothing to cockblock, she's not interested
     
  24. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    oh and since you're spying on your dads email, send the chick a hate letter from him :rofl:
     

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