So my 1 year relationship ended...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Timer, Aug 23, 2008.

  1. Timer

    Timer Guest

    ....god this hurts.
     
  2. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    :hugot: i'm sorry man... my boyfriend and i broke up yesterday and i think it still hasn't hit me yet.

    i don't know how things like this are supposed to work :(
     
  3. Timer

    Timer Guest

    It's odd. She loved me, she said it. Her mom and dad have an influence on her life. One night her mom overherad her tell me she loved me, and her mom asked if she really did. My ex said yes, and her mom said "you may love him, but you do not REALLY love him".

    She used that line on me. She denies her mom's influence. I spoke to her roomie who I'm cool with, told her I'm upset but am moving on. I told her not to tell her that and to try to help me out (probably a bad move). The roomie said she would...

    I won't contact her, I told her that speaking to her would complicate things. Oddly, we still went (in a group) to the same party tonight we were originally going to. She danced with another guy or 2, I danced and made out with another chick {she may have seen this} and my ex's friends know I got that girl's number. Bad move if I'm trying to win her back, hopefully it'll make her jealous...i don't know.

    I won't bring her up, I'll just try to ignore her...edit, will ignore.

    Any advice on how to win her back, or should I not waste time? Personally, I thikn she's confused...she said she doesn't deserve me.
     
  4. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    uggggghhhhh this is so unhealthy. jesus christ.
     
  5. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    yeah really weird way of trying to fuck with her mind... you obviously don't know how to respectively treat this situation. i say it's doomed just from the sheer immaturity the both of you are showing by trying to make the other person jealous in front of each other. you would not be making out with some other girl (especially in front of her) if you wanted to make things work between you two.
     
  6. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Avoid her and don't go to the same parties, damn! That must have been hugely uncomfortable for everyone who knows you two just broke up, let alone both of you. Move on and you'll be right.

    Sorry to hear that radfad, how long was that relationship?
     
  7. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    about 9 months
     
  8. Timer

    Timer Guest

    I lost sleep tonight. I feel like absolute fucking shit. I have NO idea how she is feeling. I don't even know what to do. I want to win her back.

    I'll do long cliffs of the rundown...
    -Midsummer she came up, AMAZING time.
    -Went backhome, mom overheard her tell me she loved me. Mom questioned it by saying "you may love him, but I don't think you LOVE him".
    -2 weeks before school started she started questioning her feelings to me
    -First day back, she was awesome - very coupleish at dinner with my family. She surprised me by seeing me first and said" it's SO good to see you!"
    -She's been EXTREMELY busy with school and bandcamp past 2 weeks, I try making moves but she is a bit distant...but
    -She had her moments where she was awesome, kissed me for doing sweet things
    -Last night, we sexed, but I felt I was only into it. I told her I loved her, she just kissed me, I asked her if she loved me, she then got hit hard and then it went from...
    ....1) like mom, "i love you but I don't LOVE you" ( i tell her i respect that, and we can take it slow, no rush for feelings)
    ....2) she said she hit a wall, that I deserve better than what she is (I tell her she is what I want)
    ....3) she then said the spark in her eyes was lost
    ....4) doesn't feel the same way
    -I first say, "k lets be friends", to "nah it'll complicate things, don't talk" to giving her one lsat kiss to "lets go to the party, do our own thing, talking is no no b/c complicates things"
    -We both danced with different people, I made out with a chick and got her number [ I think she may have seen me kiss, but probably only dance].

    I WANT her back, and I think she's confused.

    Should I go talk to her today...or COMPLETELY ignore her?

    PS - I told her I loved her first in the relationship, she had problems saying it but then she did later on. Now she says "she thought she did".
    PPS - She says it has NOTHING to do with me, no other guys. I tel her I think she's confused and mom had something to do with this, she acknowledges she thought about what her mom said but it was her choice.

    How the FUCK can someone throw about a year out the window? I feel broken, alone, etc.
     
  9. fray

    fray New Member

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    I think she's feeding you different "let you down easy" lines, and since you're coming up with responses to all, she's just moving on to the next one.

    It's possible that she has had other discussion with her mother that you're not aware of that led her mother to say that. And I'm not going to lie, there were multiple times when either my mom would not approve of my bf or would say something like that and be right (when I was younger) or bring up after the fact that "I didn't think he was right for you", etc. (as I got older). Often times she was right, and in the latter cases, I often wished she had said something sooner because I was often debating it in my own head and would've liked the outside input.

    My point is, her mom's not necessarily wrong. You don't know what was said between the two of them for sure.

    I would ignore her completely. She has told you she doesn't want to be with you right now. You can feel it in her actions around you. Let it go.
     
  10. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    how old are you two?
     
  11. Timer

    Timer Guest

    I think you're right about your first point. I don't know what she said, but she's always told me that the mom has been questionable not because of me, but because she wants her daughter to finish school (which was never an issue between she and I).

    I guess I'll move on. There's a big part of me which hopes she'll contact me, say she fucked up, and we work something out. What are the odds?
     
  12. Timer

    Timer Guest

    20 19.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Eh, I know you said I was "wrong" but how could I be right when I'm not you and not in your relationship? Even when I tried to be logical you painted things was so perfect it was hard for me to look at the negative :mamoru:

    The only thing that alarmed me really was that while you came of very sweet in your messages to me you sounded extremely clingy (which I told you). While you may want to blame her mom for the love comment it all really just comes down to you possibly smothering her and then her moms comment ringijng in her head. She wasn't just as interested and at 19 she probably just thought "I love you" is what she should say after the amount of time you dated and what you had been through.

    I'm very sorry though, I know you really cared about her. Winning her back would really be pointless. So many people ask "how can I win her back!?" but how and why would you want to win back someone who just doesn't want you? Trying to make her jealous is a mistake as well, it will only make you feel empty inside.

    You are very young in the grand scheme of life and even better you JUST got back to college. You have friends, so use them. Keep yourself very busy. Focus more on school right now, go out with friends when you are free, work out, start some hobbies at school, anything. Force yourself to get out there and not mope in the dorm because nothing actually gets better when you sulk.

    :hug:
     
  14. Timer

    Timer Guest

    Honestly in that message I sent you that was a one time thing. Everything, before the first two weeks of this year, was mutual. She would surprise me all the time, message me all the time, etc.

    I'm afraid I was too clingy though. I will cut off contact. I am dying to go see her and work it out in person, but I know that is not how it works. I tried to find a logical reason when we were talking about it, but she couldn't come up with one.

    I want her back because she was the perfect person, up until now lol. I feel like I'm at square nothing.
     
  15. Aiden26

    Aiden26 New Member

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    I went through the same thing somewhat recently... its not worth taking her back honestly. You may have been truly in love, but if her feelings werent mutual then it was not worth your time.

    Keep your friends close, they make the whole situation much easier. It also seems you dont have problems getting other girls, and trust me, soon enough you will meet one that blows your expectations away... just give it a bit of time and it will come. Just have fun for now, go party with the friends, enjoy life.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yeah again, you can't make someone who's not interested want to "work on it." Once someone's interest is gone (with women especially) any contact you try to make comes off pathetic almost. I know because I've been that girl. Once you decide it's over if the guy begs to try it again or something similar it just comes off clingy and annoying. And if one of her things was that she thought you were clingy then trying to reach her is digging yourself further. The surprisingly best way to get her attention is to ignore her.

    Sorry again :(
     
  17. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Truly it is up to her. To me it sounds like she is using her mom as an excuse to breakup with you. Sadly when I was in High School a girl pulled a similar move on me.
     
  18. Crazyjester24

    Crazyjester24 New Member

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    I was in a similar situation, and i can tell you that really its probably best you cut off all contact and let things be, unlike you i tried to keep talking to my ex as friends and that went to shit in about 2 weeks, i wanted to try and work things out with her and get back together and i still for whatever reason feel that way but i realize she wasnt good for me, and looking at your situation its fairly similar to mine, i would say take the advice i couldnt and just cut off contact with her, its for the best trust me when i say this
     
  19. Crazyjester24

    Crazyjester24 New Member

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    I got alot of excuses like that, sadly enough i believed most of them.....still pisses me off that i didnt see through them
     
  20. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    My take on situations like this, is that if she wants to be with you, she will be with you.
     
  21. Crazyjester24

    Crazyjester24 New Member

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    Yeah thats how i feel now, there shouldn't be any need for "time" or "space" if she wants to be with you, she really shouldn't need either, and when you start getting excuses you know something is wrong
     
  22. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    :werd:
     
  23. Timer

    Timer Guest

    I appreciate the advice :hugs:. I had one last talk with her, nothing's going to change. She said she knows that I am not what she wants, but she also said she doesn't know what she wants. She's been in a relationship for about 4 years now total straight, so in MY opinion she expected the routine and wants to go find a new fucking dick.
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Or she's just a normal 19 year old girl who wants to experience life being single during the best time of her life to meet men where she can finally figure what she wants and needs in a man. You should do the same. You're both really young and in a year you'll look back and be glad t ended when it did as opposed to getting dragged out through your college years.
     
  25. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    My 3 year relationship ended just over 2 weeks ago. I must say, it gets easier with each passing day. That first week she was the first thing I thought about every morning but that's no longer the case!

    Breakups definitely suck but whatever, life goes on. Just keep busy, pick up new hobbies, meet new girls, etc. etc. i know I have.

    Best of luck man.
     

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