SRS So just how much crap do you deal with in a relationship?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by GlassUser, Jun 19, 2006.

  1. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    We're going to work with three premises here.
    1, all successful relationships take work and sacrifice
    2, all relationships have problems
    3, any relationship worth having is worth working at

    How and where do you draw the line for what's worth working on and getting over, and what you can't get past?

    Say you both want to get married, but one of you wants kids and the other doesn't. It's not likely that there will be a compromise that meets both of your needs, though time will often change it (most women seem to not want kids until they see their 30s coming up, then they become desperate for babies).

    What if your SO cheats on you for no real reason? I think that implies a critical lack of respect and morals, and pretty much ends it all right there. But often people make big mistakes and learn from them, and never make them again.

    Any other examples that come to mind? How about your thinking in general? Basically, I want to know what kind of problems you think are worth working on, and how you determine that for yourself.
     
  2. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    I think almost ANYTHING can get worked out through honesty and clear communication. Save my SO leading a double life as an Axe murderer, I think there isn't anything we can't work through.

    I'd call it quits if somehow he became a drug or Alcohol abuser. I can't take that, it's a hard limit for me and if after talking about it he didn't value our relationship over the substances and wouldn't quit, i'd end it.

    Cheating I don't like. I'm relatively open, If he wanted to fuck someone else and told me about it then cool, as long as all safe, then fine. But I'm different inthat regard than most people.

    So yeah. I think most issues can get worked out if everyone is honest about how they are feeling and clear with their wants and needs..
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    While opinions generally change about children, it would depend on how old both of us were when we entered the relationship. If I was closer to 30ish when I got married and my future husband did not want children AND it was something that I felt strongly about (hypotheticaly here) I would reconsider marrying him. Children should not be brought into the world to pacify one partner.

    When we got married we decided there were two situations in which our marriage would be over. The first is cheating. It is something neither of us have any patience at all.

    The second is abuse. I grew up with an abusive stepfather, it's something I'm not going through with my own husband.
     
  4. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    To my credit, I did say "most women". There's no way you could include everyone by listing specifics, let alone generalities. I think I agree with you though, it's not a sure enough thing to bet your marriage on.
     
  5. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I was generalizing too :mamoru: The children thing is a harder issue for us right now. I am in a place where I DON'T want more children and my husband is starting to want one. I don't believe it is something that our marriage should end over though, but that's just my opinion.
     
  6. gandhibrokemyskates

    gandhibrokemyskates slangin beer

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    My most recent ex apparently lost interest in me and started talking to another guy while still with me. I kept talkin to her then found out she started dating the other guy 3 days after we broke up. :eek3d:

    Lost respect for her and stopped talking to her. :eek4:
     
  7. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You need to have dealbreakers to have a successful relationship. Dealbreakers are things that once they happen, you end the relationship for good and you do it immediately. No ifs, ands, or buts.

    Examples:
    Cheating is a dealbreaker.
    Blowing your money and putting you in debt is a dealbreaker.

    There are a lot of things here that will vary between people, such as the children thing, where one party wants children and the other doesn.t. To me and my fiance' that is a dealbreaker as well, to others, they may be less passionate about it and it might not matter as much. Certain things SHOULD be dealbreakers though, for everyone. Such as cheating.
     
  8. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    This is sounding eerily familiar.
     
  9. HailStorm

    HailStorm OT Supporter

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    +1. Did either of your ex's give you a reason as to their actions?
     
  10. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Try "any". Let's go through the big ones:
    Christina: psychotic (I mean, cerified clinically insane and forcibly medicated), heard nothing, but not unexpected.
    Cindy: using me for emotional support until she found someone else. Never explained why, I had to figure it out from mutual friends.
    Kandi: never explained, never heard more
    Micki: long history of lying, stalking, cheating, blamed it all on me.

    I think every single one of them had a guy (or guys) on the side in one capacity or another. And I honestly had no clue or hint.
     

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