LGBT So, I've come to the realization that... I'm a "bear"

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by Sam Gamgee, Feb 20, 2006.

  1. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    I've always been attracted to the hairy, thicker men... and I'm a thick guy and hairy...

    So, I guess I'm a bear... I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not since I'm really not interested in the whole bear culture like saying things like "Woof" (don't dogs say "woof"??? Why do bears say "woof"?) and wearing flannel and denim all the time (sometimes I like to get dressed up in my banana republic shirts and pants).

    But, it's been an interesting little experience, getting to know the bear culture...
     
  2. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    I know a couple bears. That whole 'woof' thing always got to me too...

    All in all, the whole lil culture is fun. Ever looked into their cousins, the leather guys?
     
  3. WyldKat

    WyldKat Come with me if you want to live.

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    Are they furries too? :eek3:

    What about the latex fetish guys?
     
  4. MapleLeaf

    MapleLeaf New Member

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    I like cubs myself :hs:
     
  5. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    I was once very attracted to a Furry; for the life of my I do not understand why...think Wolf, but as a Navajo, with no drug use and slightly shorter (which is what attracted me to Wolf when I first joined OT, I'm sure).
     
  6. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    There's a Furry convention in Pittsburgh. They moved it from Philly....I guess that's not good for you... :(
     
  7. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    I think this was an isolated attraction...
     
  8. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Yeah... I did.

    One guy I met wants to put me in leather chaps... and that's all... I'm not sure I'm into that... But, I'll try anything once... and more than once if it's fun
     
  9. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    I'm not sure... I'm not into the furries (the people who dress up like animals). I've got no idea about the latex thing... doesn't seem to be a thing in the bear culture
     
  10. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Me too... I went on a date with one Friday night... 5'4", 160 lbs, hairy, goatee... very cute.
     
  11. khane

    khane New Member

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    Why can't you just be you and not just some stereotype?
     
  12. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    woof? never knew.
     
  13. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...no bear would ever wear latex; bears focus on comfort and latex is the antitheses of comfort.....although it is fun!
     
  14. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    he's not saying that he's following the stereotype, he's saying that it seems that he may fit the stereotype, and so he's looking at the community. He already mentioned that he refuses to shed his slightly manicured/stylish side.


    I think....right??
     
  15. MapleLeaf

    MapleLeaf New Member

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    Are you not going out with that same guy as before?
     
  16. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    nope... I totally fucked it up... I ended up cheating on him because of my insecurities from my last relationship...

    It was horrible... I broke his heart and was a total ass...

    It sucks because he was an incredibly wonderful guy that I loved and who loved me. And becuase of my lack of self-confidence (which is a result of my current job and my breakup with my ex), I did some bad stuff.

    He has since forgiven me, but there's no chance at reconciliation.

    So, I'm back at being single. And I'm basically working on myself... trying to become a better person, so that I don't do that to anyone else... ever again
     
  17. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    that's right, sunshine... I don't want to fit the stereotype just becuase I am a bear and am attracted to bears.

    I actually don't really want to define myself as a bear because that means that I'm ok with being a chubby, hairy guy... and maybe I'd like to be thin again someday.
     
  18. MapleLeaf

    MapleLeaf New Member

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    I'm sorry to hear that. If it helps at all I cling to the belief that when one becomes single after a long-term relationship they should wait a year or so before they become serious & exclusive with one person. My experience has shown that anything less than that something always happens - insecurities getting in the way etc. Going through a year of events, holidays etc. helps work out the frustrations / challenges etc. of your new life as an independent person. I was so hoping you would prove me wrong... I was rooting for you.

    (ps - if this is preaching and you would prefer I edit out my comments, just say so, and I will)
     
  19. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Was he a member of the Rugby Team from this past weekend????? :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  20. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...you have no idea how heart-wrenching for me that is to hear...
     
  21. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
     
  22. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    That's exactly what happened...

    I got insecure... I completely read his body language as if he was my ex. And I thought he wasn't into me. And it turns out, I read all his body language wrong and he actually was in love with me....

    See, Mike (my ex) stopped touching me (holding my hand, backrub, etc) about a year before he left me. And I'm the kind of guy who needs that kind of touching... I need the affection, not just the sex. And Nick was the kind of guy who just didn't "do" affection well. If I went to grab his hand, he'd hold my hand. But, he'd never go and grab my hand. And the only time he'd tell me that he loved me was in the bedroom, during or immediately after sex.

    But, because he was so not affectionate, I read it that he wasn't in love with me... I needed him to want to hug me and want to grab my hand and hold it. And because he didn't, I thought he wasn't into me anymore. So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I started dating someone else, in anticipation of the demise of the relationship. If I had a clearer head, I would have talked to him first and told him of my fears and concerns and needs.

    And he found out that I cheated on him. And he was crushed.

    And I said to him: "I didn't think you loved me anymore, and I was so afraid you'd leave me like Mike left me, that I sabotaged the relationship before you could leave me"

    He replied "How could you think I didn't love you. We've spent every weekend together since we've met. I call you EVERY NIGHT!!! I just came out of the closet at work and told them that I was gay and dating a guy named Chris!! I risked my job for you!!!" (he works with a bunch of homophobic guys at a hospital). He said "Since we've met, I've spent more time with you than I have with any of my friends and family... and I live with my family!!!"

    It's ironic... I thought he had this huge wall around his heart that I couldn't break through... and it turns out that I was already over the wall and into his heart... and then I broke it...

    :wtc:

    So, you're right... It's time to spend some time getting my self-confidence back... I don't ever want to be insecure again. I don't ever want to do that again...
     
  23. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    No... We missed them... When we got to Club Cafe, they were leaving and going to a hetero bar... So, we stayed at Club Cafe for a couple of drinks and then went to the Paradise...
     
  24. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Yeah... You know, in hindsight, the last two years have drained me of my self-confidence. At work, I've been demeaned by a boss who finds meaning in his life by demeanding others... (the entire office staff). And at work, my relationship with Mike was not healthy and he'd be mean to me often (so much so, that when we broke up, my friend were like "We'd cringe at some of the things he'd say to you!")

    And I didn't even know how much it affected me until I tried to have a relationship and couldn't make it work.

    But, the last month, I am working every day to become a stronger person. I really do feel like my sense of self is healing. Like it's an empty glass... and with every step forward, I'm filling that glass little by little. The job change is part of it. And getting to know my self again is helping a lot.
     
  25. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    My heart goes out to you. I feel bad that I didn't become aware of it sooner, but I only noticed the change in you a week or so ago (you had a long thread in the main forum, but your responses lacked your typical exuberance). Relationships can be hard, especially when starting anew after getting hurt or really dating for the first time.... As you undergo personal renewal and healing, let me know if you need anything, even if it's simply an ear.

    [email protected]
     

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