SRS so I'm still dreaming about my xgf from 8 years ago

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by black jesus, Dec 13, 2007.

  1. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I really thought I was over this shit. I don't think about this chick during the day or anything. Then, last night I had a really fucked up dream where I left this super hot choreographer's house (who had a pet nurse shark in the pool) and hung out with my XGF.

    Jesus fuck, what is wrong with me? 8 fucking years ago, and apparently I'm still a slave to something about her.
     
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    you don't have shit going on with other young poonz.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You can always love her but you have to realise it is a dead end with her, turn your car around and head back to the highway of life into a new and more positive direction.
     
  4. task

    task .

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    I had a dream last night about a girl from a long time ago too, I figure if something meant that much to you at the time then it always will subconsciously mean a lot. Like you I don't dream about ex's often or think about them during the day although I do find that I quite often have the dreams after a rough day, perhaps it's me wondering what could have been. Either way, these are just dreams.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You are lonely and so you memory wanders to the last girl you had? :dunno:
     
  6. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    Hopefully. I'm not all stupid in love with the girl, not hurt anymore, don't even want to bang her considering she recently contracted herpes (and gave it to her husband).

    I don't have any action with women at the moment, and I'm pretty bored with my life.
     
  7. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    It's probably what iwishyouwerebeer said, because you just said it. You're lonely. So, you're remember back to the last thing that kept you from being lonely. Just remember it was jsut a dream and she's not there anymore. Move on, it's been 8 years and there's a lot of other women out there.
     
  8. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Remember that your brain deals best with symbols.

    It isn't necessarily that you are in love with her after all these years, or that you are hung up with her in some way (although that is possible).

    It might be that there is some idealized trait that you desire in a mate and she was strong in that trait during your relationship.
    It is like your inner consciousness trying to remind you that when you pick a mate not to ignore that trait.

    Or a 3rd possibility, it is nothing at all. It is your brain giving you a purely random dream from some old memories.

    Bottom line: if you are worrying about it at all then you are worrying about it too much.
     
  9. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    So do I. That's normal. You didn't honestly think you'd forget about her?

    Maybe the relationship ended badly, maybe it didn't, but either way you still have the memories. Your brain doesn't care about the pop-culture drama that makes people think if something ends badly then they have to pretend the whole experience was worthless.
     
  10. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I understand that. I really need someone else to be 'the last chick" though.
     
  11. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Despite my own complete failure to follow this advice, it's still the best approach:

    Go find one then.
     
  12. dano

    dano OT Supporter

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    Find a one-night stand.

    /thread

    Seriously.

    /thread
     
  13. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    lol, something is wrong with me in respect to picking up women. Its been two years since I successfully picked up a woman. Actually I've seen action once in 5 years.
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    if u do certain things u get certain results. it has nothing to do with you specifically. if you lift weights you will get strong. if you do approaches you will get game.

    if you're weak it's not because you're a statically weak person. it's because you're not lifting weights.

    if you don't have game, it's not because something is wrong with you. it's because you're not doing approaches.
     
  15. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I've finally starting going up to women about 3 months ago. Its not going really well, but at least I'm trying, and that's satisfying in itself. I have a lot off things to work on before I'm happy enough with myself to expect women to be happy with me...still don't look how I want to look, still have student loan debt, still don't own a house.
     
  16. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    :werd:
     
  17. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    yeah, but its going to be years before I look how I want, and it could be quite a while until I have the amount of money I need to be attractive to women.
     
  18. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I appreciate your input. I've admitted to myself that I'm "one of those people" who isn't going to "make-it" with women. I will never be able to attract them, and have a whole list of other things I'd rather do than chase down women who are going to make me feel bad and abuse me financially and emotionally in the long run.

    As for the physique issue; I know I only have to be presentable for people to not be grossed out by me, but I won't be happy until I achieve god status and put up the #'s I want to see (I never thought I'd approach 400lb deadlifts). The lighting in my hotel room right above the mirror makes me look pretty close to "awesome" right now...lol.
     
  19. BritishHumpingWitch

    BritishHumpingWitch New Member

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    I had to stop and post to this because this is something that has been happening to me for the past year and a half or so (dreaming of a past flame). This guy and I didn't date, but we were good friends that, shall I say, included bonuses. We shagged on and off for about five years -- whether or not we were involved in other relationships (yes, I know, how awful). We tried to ignore the urge, but it only lasted for so long -- we'd see each other some where or get together with a few friends and just knew we wanted to be with one another without saying a word accept for where and when we were going to meet afterwards. Then came the night before my wedding, we bumped into one another while my girlfriends and I were barhopping. I remember this as if it were yesterday; I was up at the bar ordering some drinks and he came up and sat down and said, "Have a seat, we need to talk". I said something on the lines of, "Ok". He pretty much told me how he felt about me; that his feelings about me grew over the last couple years; etc. My reaction was quite shocking really, I got quite upset with him for not telling me and told him that it was too late to do anything about it and as I was walking away, he grabbed my wrist and said, "Please don't get married". I'm pretty good at holding back the tears, but at this point I couldn't. He let go of my arm and I walked out of the bar. I hopped in my car, drove home and walked up to the beach to sit and sort out my thoughts and had a good cry. I knew deep down I had feelings for him; I just... I don't know... I just neglected them and thought that they would simply go away. To make a long story short, I drove to my fiancés house around 5 am and told him that I could not marry him. I told him that I wasn't 100% sure and told him why; so instead of ending in a divorce two years or so down the line with resentment and skeletons coming out of the closet, I broke things off with him with honesty, permanently. Wedding was cancelled. Family and friends were furious and very disappointed; etc, but then again, I had some that were really supportive. Eventually my ex and I went our own ways moving to two different states; etc. Then two years later, I saw my *friend* again. One of our friends was getting married. We began talking as if nothing ever happened... Until the past resurfaced in a conversation we had after the reception at our friends house. Tempers and emotions flared –- it was a nightmare. Friends were involved trying to calm us both down; etc. He ended up driving off, and stupid I, followed him back to his house 20 or so minutes later. I knocked on his bedroom window (which always opened for me when I came by) –- not this time. He came out the front door, grabbed my hand (in a soft way), and walked me over to my car. He said, “____, I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t. I’m too emotionally involved now to ever go back. You chose to move away and now this is my choice to say goodbye. You’ve left me with no other choice”. He gave me a long hug, a kiss on the cheek and walked up to his house, turned around, watched me get into my car and waved goodbye. That was the last time I saw him. That was September of 1996. It is now 2007. I’m not depressed; I’m not unfulfilled or lonely. I got married in 2005; we’re happily married; have a fantastic relationship, blahblahblah, but I’m still having dreams of my old friend –- either in an affectionate and fond nature (nothing ever sexual), or searching for a way to get back together; yet, knowing we never will. Now, knowing what I know about the mind and the way it works, I still cannot grasp the reason why I’m still dreaming about someone I haven’t seen or spoken to in over 10+ years.
     
  20. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    I think I saw a pic of you posted somewhere. You are a physically fit guy. I don't see what's your problem is. You look well above average. Maybe you don't approach women at all or your body language sends a signal that makes you look arrogant.
     
  21. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    because as the days turn to years, nothing changes. I can't communicate with women in a romantic perspective. I don't want to play the necessary games, nor do I have the required mentality to entertain a woman. My life is boring. I go to work, and come home to watch TV every day. That's it. The track is a loner hobby. Women don't enjoy that stuff, and I haven't been exposed to other hobbies I enjoy.

    I've been a door mat in every relationship I've ever had...until i grew up. Since I've been an intellectual and emotional adult, I haven't experienced any sort of a relationship. There was one girl I had a shot with. She was super attractive, but I knew her XBF as a trustworthy friend and couldn't physically manage the required biological response for sexy-time...twice. Its been almost 3 years since that happened, and I've had nothing sense.

    I'm in fairly good shape, but when someone in the room has a superior physical feature, I feel like Urkel. I was at my friend's bar last night and she commented that her BF (my best friend) had bigger triceps than I did. I'm bigger and more fit than him all around, but this still ruined my night, and most of my day today. Today I feel scrawny, pathetic, and out of shape. I thought all day, "what's the point of doing all this for the past 3 years if I'm just going to fail miserably and continue to look like shit all the time? I should just give up."

    I started lifting about 3 years ago because I was sitting at the computer smoking, with a beer belly poking into my belt buckle on a 138lb frame. Now I'm at 188lb and fairly lean. Its been great for teaching me to focus on myself daily, enjoy the way I look, enjoy the weight, and enjoy the self centered, useless feelings of accomplishment. I was tired of looking like shit, so I did something about it. I don't lift to pick up women. I lift because no matter how work goes, how women go, if my track car runs, or whatever...its just me and the iron in there. When I see the bar bend on deadlifts, or when i feel blood pump in and out of the muscle when I'm pushing the last rep to the point of crying, wondering if my nose is going to bleed from the pressure and strain...its just me and the iron, and the iron doesn't care what I do as long as I lift it.
     
  22. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I don't ever want to be "there." I don't want to feed women a line of bullshit. I don't want to say something if I don't really have something to say. I don't know how to have fun with women. Even if I were doing something fun, its a constant challenge to not do something stupid or not let her know my twisted sense of humor so early. Besides, she could probably have any guy she wanted, that guy over there has a Ferrari, that guy has a house, that guy doesn't have student loan debt, that guy looks better, and worst of all...that guy over there actually has something to say.

    This is hard for me to talk about...so fuck it...I haven't been laid in a long time. I'm out of shape in that respect. How am I supposed to not constantly worry that she faking, not enjoying her time, thinking of someone better, happy she took her valtrex, or even worse...thinking she made a mistake. People do weird shit during sex. I'm not a premature ejaculator...just the opposite, I can never relax enough to enjoy it. Its like they tune out of reality for a moment, kinda like "making the 'oh' face." It becomes like a motor reflex or a trance. I can't tune out like that. I'm not sure that I ever did.
     

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