So, Im not sure what to do...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by RockChick, Jun 19, 2006.

  1. RockChick

    RockChick New Member

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    I have a very good friend in the states (Im in canada) and we usually talk on IM Services to each other... havent had the chance to meet yet but it doesnt change the fact that we are good friends.

    Well, a lil background... this good friend is in her early 20s, married and has a 5year old daughter. Her husband as far as I know is... a POS.

    They are constantly fighting... he doesnt do a goddamn thing for her, he doesnt care about her unless some other guy is hitting on her, he suspects she is cheating when in real life he is the cheater. He takes care of his kid every once in a while, he is at work till late evening, they make plans to go out, he changes them the last minute... mainly to hang out with his friends "for business reasons".

    Anyway, I know for sure he was cheating on her before... he told my bf but never his wife. So she asked me yesterday to find out if that cheating story back then was true cos she has the same feeling again and she doesnt know how to address it cos he doesnt like to talk and when they do it ends up in a huge fight and doesnt solve anything let alone help anything.

    Yesterday she told me that her husband was out with a few friends for dinner. He told her that he'll go to a friends house afterwards. Later on he signed in on myspace, the friend he was staying with too. She asked his friend if her husband was at his house... no he wasnt. He changed his passwords here and there... all that bullshit that would make me suspicious too.

    They also break up every 2 months at least... shit, they broke up a while ago (he kicked her and the kid out for a while), got back together... dont ask me why. She kinda wants to leave (sometimes) but doesnt have the support or money to just pack her things and leave. Her family isnt really there for her, she doesnt have a job cos she cant afford a babysitter for her daughter... so no job, no money, no babysitter... its a vicious cycle.

    So my problem or questions is... should I tell her that he was cheating on her before? I mean I definitely would be like "Listen, I know he did it before but that doesnt mean he does it now". Im pretty damn sure he does tho.

    I just dunno what to do with that... I feel sorry for her and I wish I could help her but even tho she is just like a 9 hour drive away from me, I cant do shit cos Im in Canada.

    Im lost. :sadwavey:
     
  2. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    SOunds to me like she already knows, but doesnt want to admit it to herself. You can only hope that she finds herself in a better position with money and a job sometime soon, though if she has stuck around this long with the assumption of his infidelity in her mind, something tells me she wont really ever leave. Its hard for you, yes, but your hands are tied. She has to make the next move and trust her instinct.
     
  3. RockChick

    RockChick New Member

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    Well yeah, I know in the end its her decision. But should I tell her that he cheated before or not. She thinks he did and\or does but of course doesnt know for sure.

    Soooooooooo, should I tell her or not!?!??! Cos she is definitely gonna ask.
     
  4. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    I wouldnt get involved, then that puts your BF in a shitty position, bc he told your BF, then your BF told you and you told her. Get me? She already knows he cheated on her, and is cheating on her again, but cant admit it to herself. When she asks you, you tell her to trust her instinct. EVen if you tell her yes, he cheated, she still didnt see it with her own eyes, and I would think it really wouldnt have such a profound affect on teh situation. She's come this far, she knows that she's being cheated on. If you truly believe that she hasnt a clue, then tell her, and prepare to drag your BF into this as well, but most people who suspect cheating, already know, just cant face it.
     
  5. RockChick

    RockChick New Member

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    It wouldnt really matter if my bf got involved... he and her husband dont have anything to do with each other anymore but I know what you mean.

    The thing that really makes me feel sad is... lets say she knows, lets say she figures it out herself or already did... very likely already did, in the end she still has nowhere to go, no money and a 5year old daughter on top of that.
    I think that is why she is still with him. She just has no other option atm... like I said before, vicious cycle... she cant get a babysitter cos she has no money, she cant get a job to make money cos she cant get a damn sitter. No family to help her out either...
     
  6. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Getting involved = sticking your nose in someone else's business, and often ends up with YOU getting the brunt of the attack. I have never seen someone do this and not get blasted.

    I would stay out of it, seriously. There are lots of issues, but suffice to say that they will all become yours if you get involved.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    nothing you can do but offer support. other than that, you need to stay out of it.
     

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