So if the person you're dating used to be in a mental institution....

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Ivandrago, Nov 9, 2009.

  1. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    ... would you still date them? This happened about 6 or 7 years ago, and it was on and off for a few years. I found that out after date 6 or 7, in casual conversation over coffee.

    Have no idea what to do. I come from a medical family, including two psychiatrists (last two generations) so I know they'd tell me to break it off asap, to avoid any potential conflict in the future if things get more serious, etc.

    Should I break it off or take the chance, keep it going, and see what happens? :o
     
  2. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    Yes I agree.

    No current treatment, and wasn't exactly an illness, but more like fragile state of mind, not being able to deal with stress, relationship issues, etc.
     
  3. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    With her? :o The only issue I have right now is if I decide to break it off...how to do it...:noes:
     
  4. bacdo

    bacdo New Member

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    Just know that there is a lot of social stigma associated with mental illnesses/ psychological issues. Sometimes good people have just fallen on hard times and may have needed some counseling.

    Use your gut and instincts. You should know within yourself if you are dealing with a good or bad person.
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2009
  5. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    I don't question that she's a good person. But I also knew that she's a little wacky before she let me know...:hsd:
     
  6. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    she dealt with it 6 or 7 years ago, doesn't mean she is the same now! it's not like people are born good or bad for relationships, live and learn right?
     
  7. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    Yea...that's why I'm worried...
     
  8. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    ok... again I ask, was she in a mental institution for significant periods of time, or did she just land herself into the psych ward for observation periods off and on type deal? That's pretty important.

    edit: and the fact she's not currently in therapy, or wasn't, nor on medications is pretty concerning.
     
  9. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    The latter.
     
  10. bacdo

    bacdo New Member

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    Dude, honestly, just wait it out and see. If she is cool and seems to be in a good mental state, why wouldn't you give her a shot? If things get too crazy for you too handle, just break it off! I think that I would give it a shot before completely writing her off. Everyone deserves a second chance in my opinion.
     
  11. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    I had an ex that had attempted suicide on two different occasions in his past and landed himself in the psych ward for it. He wasn't on medications and wasn't in therapy.

    Later in life, I realized he just used alcohol as his coping mechanism. He had the propensity to go into these total drunken rages, that towards the end of our relationship downright scared the hell out of me, which was so contrary to his kind and docile nature 99.9% of the time, which is also how I rationalized it for so long.

    The propensity for that could've been a red flag towards the beginning, but I brushed it off as "everyone has an angry drunk night," but there were a few outbursts that were just... horrible later on.

    So, I'm not saying don't proceed, I'd just proceed with caution and pay attention to red flags.

    I don't regret that relationship whatsoever, but it definitely was a wild ride at times :dunno:
     
  12. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    If it were me, I'd be looking for red flags to see if she has any indication of still having issues.

    I wouldn't out and out break it off with her immediately, but I would definately keep both eyes wide open and I wouldn't rush into anything serious with her at all.
     
  13. bacdo

    bacdo New Member

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    IMO, pay more attention to the black flags...
     
  14. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    I would just ditch it, even if the person is "better" now.

    This is NOT the type of thing that comes out in "casual conversation" on date 6 or 7 - it's something that either NEVER comes out at all, or is dealt with in other ways.
     
  15. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    Why do you say that? :o
     
  16. bacdo

    bacdo New Member

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    This is all that you need to hear. If you do not have common sense or are not able to differentiate between a fucked up/ bad/ good/ mediocre person then you need to ask another question on a different post. I gave you the advice that you need to hear.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Is this the 21 year old? Or have you already met a new girl? I'm just trying to keep up.
     
  18. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    :coold: A new one. This one I met and started going out with before the 21yo. Have yet to go on a second date w/ the 21yo.

    Honestly, I don't know where I keep meeting these girls. :hsd:
     
  19. Zourn

    Zourn 16-bit Ninja OT Supporter

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    I agree with the ones saying don't break it off for that reason, but keep an eye out for red flags. Also, make sure that you aren't making up red flags in your head just because you're looking for them.

    Personal history - A long time ago, I was in a live-in psychiatric hospital for a little over a month. I had horrible temper issues and would just do whatever I could to physically harm other people for so much as looking at me wrong. I am now a perfectly functioning member of society, and work with charities and do volunteer work. I've never been in a serious fight since except for when I was defending myself.

    Sometimes people have problems, and just need some help to fix them, that makes them human.
     
  20. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    I soooo agree.

    I don't think that previous mental illness is a reason to break it off with anyone but if they haven't received the help they've needed then it could be a long haul.

    I don't know that I would drop her immediately but I'd keep my eyes wide open and go slooooooow. :hs:
     
  21. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    :werd:
     
  22. ChaCha

    ChaCha Active Member

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    i bet she's good in the sack

    edit: that aside... I think you should really re-evaluate where the relationship is going
     
  23. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I disagree. He said she was going through a bad period of stress in her life and didn't know how to handle it so she got help. That doesn't mean that she needed meds then or that she should be on them now. If she doesn't have a mental disorder then she doesn't needs meds, she just needed to learn how to deal with things.

    This was 6 or 7 years ago and she's probably in her 20s now so that means this happened in high school or early college. I'm sure she's changed and grew up quite a bit since then. If you haven't seen any red flags yet then I wouldn't be too concerned with what happened, just keep an eye out to make sure she really is ok now.
     
  24. Hegemon

    Hegemon New Member

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    Pull out now, before you get too emotionally invested to bail when it later, inevitably, becomes apparent that you should.
     
  25. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Fucking :werd:. Thank you, Viper, for speaking up. I agree 100% on this.

    I hate that people will jump to such extreme conclusions over shit that happened so long ago. A lot can happen in 7 years. People change. People grow. 9 years ago I was selling drugs to afford my own habbit, I lied constantly, cheated on the girl was living with, cut my arms all up when I found out she was fucking my best friend. Today I work for the department of defense, I'm honest, loyal, and I focus on maintaining a healthy lifestyle. For all intents and purposes I'm a different person.

    Pay attention to who she is today. If you see her doing shit today that shows she's crazy then Run. Run and Don't Look Back. But don't tell her to fuck off just because she was honest with you about some shit that went down the better part of a decade ago. Judge a person based on who they are not where they've been.
     

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