SRS So I was just prescribed Effexor XR...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by mamoru, Jul 11, 2006.

  1. mamoru

    mamoru New Member

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    I don't even know where to begin...so it may come out in pieces or chunks, or maybe not even come out at all. But here's my story.

    Once upon a time I fell in love with a boy who had more problems than one can count. Image issues, anti-social behavior, feelings of superiority, etc. And once upon a time there was me, the most amazing guy anyone ever knew.

    The guy that WAS me would make people laugh, genuinely, he'd help out anyone and anywhere. He'd laugh and he'd mean it. He'd smile and he'd mean it.

    But the old me fell into a trap of loving a boy whop projected pure evil on me. It was an evil fueled be jealousy, and it broke my heart that I fell in love with someone who hated me, and loved to watch me suffer.

    That was many years ago, and he's tried to apologize, but the damage is done. I've grown since, and I deserve much better in this life.

    I've been depressed for many, many years now. Figure I'll be 23 soon, all this happened at around 18. The most important years of my life are gone. I missed out big time, and I woke up today telling myself I wasn't going to take this anymore.

    I spent some of those years in failed relationship after failed relationship. I've had the best therapists and friends tell me I'm too hard on myself. I've spent some time crying.

    Eventually, I became emotionally barren. The past year. No laughs. No cries. No smiling. No hatred. Just robotic existence. I dated a guy for 5.5 months, and it was rocky because I felt so much guilt that I couldn't feel for him the way he felt for me. So I ended it. We're friends now, but I know in my heart (what's left of it) that he still loves me. I wrote him a letter, thanking him and apologizing for breaking his heart. I give it to him tomorrow when we go see a movie together. I hope he appreciates it. I know he will.

    Anyway, I'm getting off track. I've been a robot for some time now. No energy for anything.

    The problem is this: I still maintain the old me, even though I don't feel it anymore.

    Now, what does that mean? Well, it means this: I used to love to help people. Ask anyone, and I put everyone before myself. (Ex's have even yelled at me for doing this). I dont find the need to do it nowadays, because I dont have the emotional capacity to care about anything or anyone.

    That's not me. That's not who I am.

    Then, I developed insecurities...major image issues. I know what you're thinking..."But he's Mamoru! OT's model! He's fucking hot...what the hell is he talking about?" EXACTLY. What the hell am I talking about? Why do I constantly feel down about myself?

    And then it hit me. I need my life back in order. I want to smile. I want to love myself and love others. I want to laugh and mean it. I want the sadness to go away. I want the butterflies back in my stomach and in my life. I want to greet the day and look back on happy times and think "My god, when I was 23, it fucking rocked!!!" not "What happened between 18 and 22, and why is it a blur? Why can't I remember anything?

    I've always been the good guy. No drugs, no alcohol, no smoking. Help others, do plenty of charity, dedicate myself 110% to friends and strangers because I want to, not for any other reason. We live in a world where people must help one another. It's good karma, and it's a good feeling to do good deeds. I'm attractive, intelligent, quick, funny, and so on.

    The problem is, I attract people who want to beat down on that. The kind of people who look at me, and admit to my face the reason they treat me so poorly is fueled by hatred and jealousy towards me.

    I'll never understand jealousy. I hope I never experience it. My modeling career was short lived. I didn't guard my contacts because I was scared that other people would out-do me. I had friends and strangers alike ask me where they should go and what they should do. I told them exactly where to go and who to speak to. Those people became tremendous success stories. And me? I just eased off it, and did my own thing. Was I ever jealous? Hell no. If anything, I was happy!

    I'm a classy guy. A gentleman.

    But parts of my life were destroyed. Stolen from me. Damaged.

    It ends here. Today. Right now.

    I'm going to rebuild the broken parts of me. And if I can't get back the old me, then I'll build up a newer and better me. The new me that will face this world with everything he's got. Smiling. Laughing. Helping. Loving.

    I deserve better than a bunch of assholes. But let's pray for sexual side effects, because right now, the focus is me, and me alone.

    My life mission(s) can sit on a backburner just for a bit while I regenerate.

    I hope and pray that the Effexor works for me. Because it would mean so much to me just to get better. I've taken a lot of shit these past few years. It ends here.

    Thanks for listening OT. :hug:

    (Of course, this isn't the entire story, but maybe one day I'll let it out. For now, I just want my life back...)
     
  2. mamoru

    mamoru New Member

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    God...I just read the side effects on this drug.

    I'm not sure I'm ready to be well after reading what I read.

    Acne? Withdrawl Illness? Hair loss? People go off the drug and just vomit for days.

    There's got to be another way :wtc: I'm on Effexor now, but I don't want all those things to happen to me!
     
  3. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Not only will all those things not happen to you, the overwhelming odds are that NONE of them will happen to you. Keep in mind that the internet is populated with loud people that experienced side effects, and quiet people that didn't.
     
  4. accelerator

    accelerator New Member

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    Hope you succeed and live a happy life from this day forth :)
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    He who invites an elephant in the house , should not be suprised when everything gets destroyed.

    Or in other words Its nice that you want to be a good person, but not if you yourself get destroyed in the process. Its important in life that you can say to yourself 'STOP, to here and no further' ,

    And there's a difference in the type of help that you give.

    One is where someone abuses your help and you get hurt in that process.
    Second is where someone really needs your help and appreciates it.

    The first should be avoided, the second should be encountered.

    You need to watch out, you see life is like a mine field, if you make a wrong step in life your gonna blow yourself up. It's even in the bible that says , you do not pick fruits from thornbushes. People who are like thornbushes need to be avoided for now. Especially if you don't know how to deal with them, and if you still allow them to abuse you. There's a part in the asylum wisdom
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=2517144
    You will change from someone who loves so much it hurts into someone who loves herself enough to stop the pain"

    give it a read, its for you.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You are depressed, plain and simple.

    You will probabaly not get many or any of those side effects, and if you do, go ahead and see your doctor.
    If it's a concern, he/she may switch you to another med.

    Don't be too concerned that your mind is leading you to all sorts of wierd places, thinking wierd thoughts. It's the illness coloring your thoughts and emotions, that's all.

    Just take the meds, and relax, recoup and regain your strength.
    Follow the regimen laid out before you and you'll be fine.
     
  7. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    Now that the hell of withdrawal is over, I can say it was worth the benefits it provided. I couldn't say that a few weeks ago though.
     
  8. Want2race

    Want2race Fearless

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    PUT THE DRUG DOWN!

    I took it for a few weeks and withdrawl on that drug is INSAIN! Its fucking disgusting..
    Ask your health care provider for something else! Zoloft etc.
     
  9. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Keep this shit out of here. Discouraging the mentally ill from following their doctor's instrutions should not be tolerated here.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    What didn't work for you , might work for someone else. :dunno:
     
  11. Want2race

    Want2race Fearless

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    Calm the fuck down and read what I said.

    I said its a KNOWN drug that the VAST MAJORITY of its takers have TREMENDOUS difficulty getting out of them system.

    I'm pretty sure i have more medical knowledge than most people here even though I will admit I probbaly know less than 10% of most doctors. Give me 4 more years and that will change.

    Go research the drug... THEN AS I SAID BEFORE consult your doctor to discuss alternatives!
     
  12. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I've taken it before. Most people are fine on this drug. Coming off can be somewhat unpleasant, but this drug works wonders for many people.

    SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE YOUR FEAR MONGERING ELSEWHERE.

    Her doctor knows best. Keep this shit the fuck out of here.
     
  13. Want2race

    Want2race Fearless

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    Dude, your soo ignorant.......
     
  14. PukeyCute

    PukeyCute New Member

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    IL+1 him. Did it the first time we ran into each other here :mamoru:

    The drug does have some nasty-ass side effects, but everybody is different, and doctors aren't paragons of moral, ethical and medical wisdom (re: investigations into pharmecutical companies giving doctors kickbacks for prescribing brand name meds).

    See if your doctor can let you do a short test run of the drug so you can see what kind of effect it has on you, or if there are any alternatives. Effexor may be the one for you, or it might not be. A couple people I know kept switching antidepressants until they found something that helped them and didn't impact their life as much, and a few others I know switched to conventional + homeopathic medicine. I use that, too.

    In the meantime, perservere, and good luck to you.
     
  15. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    I have taken Effexor. I took it several years ago. I gave it a good long try, and I was pregnant during part of the 2 years I used it. It didn't seem to be really effective, for ME. (I am only talking about ME here, my experience.)In fact I was writing a suicide letter the night before I found out I was pregnant. (Good thing I had the presence of mind to check to check if I was PG first, at least.) I'd been on it for about a year at that point, I think.

    When I took a dose late, I got sick, when I missed a dose, I was sicker, and when I was pregnant it was pretty hellish the whole time. Not just nausea, and vomiting,but weird like, electrical zaps in my brain when I turned my head. So, it was not working for me. Some time after I had the baby, I went off of it SLOOOOOWWWLY, and took serzone for a while for PPD. It was meh, but it kept me from killing myself or someone else. So those were not really for me, and I personally will never use Effexor again.

    Unfortunately, with depression meds, the 1st thing you try is not always right for you, and you have to play the guinea pig until you find something that works. About a year ago, my Dr and I concluded that I would benefit from antidepressants again. I started with Zoloft, which gave me torticollis almost instantly (a VERY rare side efect from this drug BTW) and after I stopped taking it, it was anoth 2-3 weeks before that went away. So, NOPE, Zoloft not for ME.
    Then I tried Prozac. It made my moods really swingy, and it almost completely eliminated my ability to have an orgasm. So, NNNNNNNNOPE, Prozac NOT for ME. Then, I went on Welbutrin which seems to be having the best result of anything I have used before. It also gave me the rather pleasant "side affect" of being almost insanely multi-orgasmic, and well, yeah, I guess I can deal with that.

    Ultimately, it is still YOUR choice whether you try the Effexor or not. It might work miraculously, and it might not. If you are really uncomfortable with taking Effexor, talk to your Dr. about an alternative.
    Best wishes to you, whatever you decide.
     
  16. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    This forum needs active moderation.

    Mods, what the fuck? Do you read this forum? We've got some asshole on a personal crusade to get a severely depressed person to STOP taking her meds.
     
  17. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You're an idiotic child, and you have nobody's best interest in mind, certainly not hers, when you try to scare her into disregarding her doctor's advice.

    You're scum, and you don't give a shit about her.

    Yeah, I'm the ignorant one. I studied neurobiology, I've been affected by depression all my life, and I took Effexor for over a year. I read Goodman and Gillmans in the bathroom for fun. And I'm advising her to follow her doctor's medical advice. You on the other hand are OT's jester, you don't know shit about neurobiology or pharmacology, and you're trying to scare her into disregarding her doctor's advice.

    One of us is certainly ignorant, and if he persists in this behavior, he needs to be banned from this forum.
     
  18. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Just as a side note.... I THINK the OP is a gay male....Or did I read that wrong????? If so, I really apologize.

    Edit- D'oh.... I am a retard, I read this part
    and assumed that meant this person was male, but I think that was just a typo now that I go back and look at it. Sorry.

    Edit again- LOL Wait a minute...maybe I was right the 1st time...SORRY! Not that it matter at this point anyway.
    D'oh my face is red.
     
  19. Want2race

    Want2race Fearless

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    ye, thats because I told her to see HER doctor and select an alternative.. I didnt say "discontinue immediately"... I think I have her interest in mine..
     
  20. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Do you have any idea how many people come in here preaching against psychiatric medicine with no regard for anyone's well-being? Starting a post with "PUT THE DRUG DOWN," when she is already experiencing some anxiety about taking it in the first place is a harmful action, whatever your intentions.
     
  21. PukeyCute

    PukeyCute New Member

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    I thought Mamoru was male. :p
     
  22. Clarity

    Clarity New Member

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    I think he is a he. He said he was a gentleman...
     
  23. Clarity

    Clarity New Member

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    I hope the drugs works for you, and your life gets right back on track!

    goyou.jpg

    =)
     
  24. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    mamoru is a guy.

    anyways.... the side effect stuff is hit or miss, may or may not happen. Probably won't... but may... sometimes docs make a big deal out of things that only happen to like 10 people out of 10k people... it's a fact of life.. we're all different.

    Anyways, I do wish you the best of luck with your goal on trying to improve your mental health and improve your quality of life for yourself.

    have you considered therapy for the insecurity stuff? Seems like you have a real serious image problem that you should consider talking to a pro about.
     
  25. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Oh geez. So I was right the 1st time. Ugh, again, I apologize.
    Didn't take my AD(h)D meds today, as is very obvious right now. :)
     

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