So I told my friend to break up with his gf

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Dec 12, 2006.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Remember my friend whose gf flipped the bitch switch on him when he said he wouldn't move in with her? (she realized she was being a bitch and still invites him over 4 or 5 days a week)

    Last night they had a txt conversation that went something like this:

    Her: How come you never leave me comments on myspace?
    Him: Because I see you 5 days a week and I can't think of anything to add that I haven't said to you since the last time I saw you.
    Her: I think you're embarassed to be seen with me
    Him: Then ytf do I come visit you 5 days a week?
    Her: Whatever. I should just delete you from my profile. Hmm. That gives me an idea.

    Then he logs onto myspace and she had booted him.

    Him: wow, that's mature.
    Her: Until u start acting like a bf and quit being embarrased 2 b w me maybe i'll add u back 2 my page.
    Him: We have serious problems and we need to talk.

    Then they talk and he's like "alright, what's the deal?"
    Her: "how come you can't leave me sweet comments like 'i love you' or 'i miss you.'?"
    Him: "Because I stay with you 5 nights a week and I tell you that all the time. This obviously isn't about me telling you that, because I say that to you all the time. I think you're trying to have a contest on myspace with your friends to see who can get the most comments from their bf or something."
    Her: "Whatever."
    Him: "No, you're acting like a little girl and this is indicative of big problems. (Falconer note: my friend is very logical and smart) When things don't go your way you throw a tantrum? What if we got engaged... if you got pissed would you take your ring off? If you're feeling neglected cuz I don't leave you comments then you say 'honey, I'm feeling neglected cuz you don't leave me comments on myspace, can you leave me some every once in a while?' Of course, if you said that, and then I left you a comment, you'd come back with 'well you're only leaving that comment cuz I asked you to, and not cuz you wanted to,' so I can't win. But you're being very immature and I really don't want to put up with someone who acts like this and can't talk about things when she doesn't get her way."
    Her: What's the point of having you on my page if you don't leave me comments, :: bitch bitch bitch ::

    etc...

    So I told my friend to dump her because that's bullshit. She's being a little girl. I know my friend loves her but come on, what the fuck kind of immature bullshit is that?

    Anyway, I recently got the Dating Dictionary (thanks for the recommendation, Poco), and I showed it to my friend and told him about this site, and he wants to know if anyone has any tactics he can use to totally reverse this situation on his gf? He doesn't want to dump her but he's sick of the BS. I'm thinking she's either 1) insanely immature or 2) her interest level has falllllllllen and she's just doing shit to get him to break up with her.

    Meanwhile I'm kind of cracking up because his gf reminds me so much of my ex... a hot 26 year old with the emotional maturity of an 8 year old :mamoru:
     
  2. Ninjarider

    Ninjarider New Member

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    What's really immature is you trying to tell your friend to break up with his girlfriend. Let him deal with his own problems and make sure you're there to get hammered with him after his ditches the bitch. Just my $0.02
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    How is that me being any more immature than half the replies on this forum telling people to break up with their gfs?
     
  4. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Never explain yourself to your woman.

    If you catch yourself doing this, stop.

    As a man, you make the right decisions. The fact that you decided to do something makes it right. There is no need to explain it to her so she can approve it.

    If she wants "I love you comments" and you don't want to leave them, she doesn't need an explanation. If she wants to push the issue and be annoying about it, she earns herself less of your time.

    Simple as that. Reward the behavior you like and punish the behavior you don't.
     
  5. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I can't help but ask "what if the man makes the wrong decision?" What you say sounds like female logic. My ex would do exactly what you're describing. She would give me attitude and then accuse ME of giving her attitude. She felt that because SHE said she was giving me attitude, it was true, but on an absolute basis she was incorrect.

    I would cite our emails as evidence and explain why SHE was giving attitude and I was not. I took on a lawyer mindset. If she felt a certain way she was free to explain it to me, too. It was about who was right on an absolute scale, not about who was right "just because."

    edit - I didn't explain this well. If I say the sky is red, it's not red just because I said so. If she said the sky was green, it was not green simply because she said so. Either party should be required to provide evidence to support their argument. I think the sky is red because. I think the sky is green because. It's a sign of maturity, respect, and an open mind. IMO if this aspect of conversation is lacking in a relationship then you have big issues, like my ex and I did.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2006
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    A man admits his mistake and does what he can to rectify the situation. A woman rationalizes her mistakes beforehand and blames others afterwards. What she does not do is accept responsibility.

    No one is perfect - you won't always make the "right" decision. But don't second-guess yourself and don't explain WHY you did what you did.

    Honestly I didn't read all of that, but in that scenario you are explaining yourself to her, which then puts her in the position to pass judgment on your explanation. Don't do this.

    The lawyer mindset will not work with a woman. When you do this, you are treating her like a man and expecting her to react like a man. Refer to what I posted above - a man takes responsibility for his actions and a woman justifies them and places blame elsewhere. So even if you manage to convince her that what she did is wrong, it still won't be her fault. It comes back to rewarding her good behavior and punishing her bad behavior. All this talk will never help your cause, but it can damn sure hurt it.

    As a man, if I decide not to leave "I love you comments" on my girlfriend's myspace, I do not need to explain to her why, and if she hounds me about this, she is exhibiting behavior that I do not like which will be punished by me withdrawing my attention from her. How she feels about my not leaving comments is irrelevant because as the man and the leader I have made my decision and it is not subject to her review or veto.
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Interesting philosophy. I will have to read it again and think about this some more...

    I could see it working, as a man, but at the same time I don't think I respect it. It reminds me of military grunts blindly following orders. Don't get me wrong; I respect the military. My father was in the Air Force Academy, served for 10 years, and was a pilot in Vietnam. BUT, the reason I did not join the military was because I cannot take orders if I disagree with them. I believe every decision a group makes should be the group consensus of the group. People must support their points if they disagree with others and get them to change their minds. I would not do well in the female role in a relationship like you just described, and because of that, I empathize with someone in that position.

    As a man, I agree with everything you have said. But in a mature relationship, I can't see it working. When my parents disagree about something, I watch them discuss it and arrive at a mutually beneficial conclusion. My dad is not "Me Ug, I say, you do." But at the same time, my mom is not an emotional bitch like most women.
     
  8. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    We are not talking about a decision that affects the family, like buying a new house. How your parents interact really has nothing to do with your friends' situation.

    We are talking about what I consider a very trivial issue that she is making a big deal about. She's acting like a brat, and there is no reason to lend credence to her tantrum by trying to explain your actions.

    I don't leave comments because I don't want to. End of discussion. She presses the issue, she gets less of what she wants - time with her man.

    Personally I'm like a dictator in my relationship. I have chosen for it to be this way. You don't have to follow my lead, but as the man you do need to be the leader. There are many different styles of leadership. Develop your own style.
     
  9. dawgboye

    dawgboye I'm a businessman who's commodity happens to be co

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    link to her myspace profile?
     
  10. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    It's private.

    I'll post it if they break up.
     
  11. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    myspace strikes again :rofl: :rofl:
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Myspace is the ultimate, up-to-date indicator of everyone's relationship status :mamoru:
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    So my friend wants to know what to do/say. I told him to dump her but he doesn't want to. He just emailed me and is like "what should I say?" I replied with "Welcome to dumpsville. Population: you."

    But seriously, when you have a gf who is being a bitch, how do you fix that, or is it hopeless and he should just dump her (like I said to do).

    Can it be summed up as "if her interest level was high she wouldn't be acting like this?"
     
  14. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Seems like his "logical" tactic was a mistake to me. Yeah, she's being a pain in the ass, but his calling her an immature pain in the ass to her face isn't doing anyone any good, either.

    The problem here is NOT the lack of comments on her profile. It's not anything that was spoken about, in fact. Chances are she is trying to throw red flags his way. This is the "woman test." Your friend is failing miserably, by the way.

    What is going on is she is testing him with little BS things. Comments on myspace, please! :rolleyes: However, he lost his cool (self-control) when he dealt with her. This made him less attractive to her. She was testing him to see if he would handle the situation with maturity, humor, and kindness. He failed. He came on like a therapeutic freight train and ran her ass over with 200 tons of bullshit.

    Sure, he's logical, and that is his complete downfall when it comes to women. She is basically saying "Hey, you're pulling back, and I can see it and I know we are about to break up." It's the typical logical male problem - he is probably really good at solving problems with cars, computers, whatever it is that has part A connected to part B issues, but he is going to miss it with women.

    What he really needs to do is play it up, be a LOT less serious, and flirt with her. How could he do that? Well, for one, he could lay off the "lesson" he gave her and poke fun at her for being the queen of MySpace. He needs to lighten up, basically, and at the same time realize something else is going on.

    As mentioned, he needs to (1) make a decision, no matter how unpopular it is with her and (2) stick with his decision. This is how she is testing his backbone. If he caves and leaves messages on mySpace, he's lost the test.

    This may sound simple and dumb, but he just needs to do whatever he wants to do, with a healthy disregard for her telling him what to do.

    Notice the word healthy - that doesn't mean to go hang out with other women, drive like a maniac, or other stupid shit. he just needs to make a decision and then stick with it. Women hate men who go back and forth on decisions!

    So for him? Tell her no, stick to it, then give her shit for pestering him - but in a FUN way. Chase her, tickle her, throw a pillow at her. Go back to playing and having fun.

    That's probably what she is really missing anyway.
     
  15. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    That's overboard. he could say "You know what? I don't know what's going on, but drop it. I've made my decision and that's final. I also would expect you to respect my decisions, and you should know that your behavior is not what I have grown to expect from you. I do expect you to be much more open and understanding, so let's get back on track, huh?"

    he needs to set his standards and let her know.

    if she's acting like a child, you treat her like a child. Plain and simple.

    No, not at all. She's upset about something, and I bet it's a lack of him acting in a mature manner. he needs to pull his socks up and get with the program.
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Poco, damn you are smart. But I fail to see how he is being immature. I must be too much of a guy. Here's the progression as I see it:

    Girl - asks a question
    Guy - gives logical, respectful answer
    Girl - throws a tantrum - takes him off myspace, not a sign of maturity (being immature)
    Guy - stays calm and explains why what she's doing is wrong and what she should do instead
    Girl - instead of discussing logically, acts like a bitch

    Shouldn't it have gone like this?

    Her: Why don't you leave me comments?
    Him: Because I see you all the time.
    Her: Yeah, I'm glad wee see each other a lot, but I'd like it if you left me a comment here and there, too.
    Him: Ok, I'll try.
    Her: Thanks. And because I'm respectful, I won't be a megabitch if you forget.
    Him: Love you
    Her: Love you too.

    ???

    Or

    Her: Explains her point of view.
    Him: Explains his point of view.
    Her: You're right, I am being immature. Kicking you off my profile when we get in a fight might make you think I'm crazy and don't know what I want. I don't want to present that impression to you so I will cut it out. Thanks for calmly explaining your point of view to me.
    Him: Np.

    Isn't part of dealing with children to explain to them what they should be doing and how they should be thinking about things? Or do you mean he should be immature back? So, not leading by example.
     
  17. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    You're assuming that most women think logically like males do. They don't. If I ever tried to do that with any of my ex girlfriends they wouldn't even understand.
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Damn, my ex ex (two gfs ago) was totally logical like that. She was awesome. My mom is like that, too, so I think that's why I expect it and respect it. My ex ex and I never fought for longer than 5 or 10 minutes. We broke up because we grew apart.
     
  19. fray

    fray New Member

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    WTF???
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I guess women should understand how their actions will make us perceive them, just like Poco is saying guys need to understand how women perceive OUR actions.

    Am I crazy for thinking less of a chick every time she acts like a bitch? I start to think "wow, I don't want to spend my time (life) with someone who acts like that over such a small thing." Girls do the same thing subconsciously (a guy acts a certain way and a girl thinks "I don't want a guy who isn't a leader," for example). It's kind of the same thing.

    Or is it too logical to assume that people should think about how their actions will cause people to perceive them. I do that all the time. "If I do x, will people think y or z?" Especially in relationships. Wtf. Girls are stupid. Hence my reasoning that my friend should dump his gf because she acts immaturely over an issue that could be resolved in 2 minutes by simple conversation and discussion.

    JohnJohnJohnson, if you're reading this thread, I know you follow my posts about my perceptions of other people... (as evidenced in another thread where you replied to something I said with "damn, at least you're consistent" or something like that :) ) the last paragraph here is another example of why I think a lot of people are stupid and I'd rather not associate with them. When people have a problem, if it's worth spending time and effort on being upset over, then they should discuss it and arrive at a mutually agreeable decision. That's the logical solution and the moral high road. But no, girls bitch and whine about it, and most guys would rather try to kick your ass over it and force you to see their side, and both of those solutions are ignorant. I try so hard to not think this way but I can't help it. People keep being stupid. It's like on that episode of the Simpsons where Lisa was doing the experiment of Bart vs. a hamster, and she electrified the cupcake, and every time Bart tried to touch it, he got shocked, but he kept going back and doing it over and over. People keep repeating stupid behavior, despite getting bad results, and I lose faith in them.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2006
  21. fray

    fray New Member

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    He hates what she's doing, so why does he want to reverse things and act like her? I don't think doing that is going to actually help anything. She sounds like she is just being immature and over-the-top about it, so I don't know if she'll really pick up on the hint that she should stop because that's how she acts. Seems like he would be better of either getting her to approach it all directly, or deciding if he wants to deal with her and how she is.

    Did she used to be cooler and has recently gotten like this (perhaps indicating an underlying problem) or is this "just her"?
     
  22. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    She's kind of always been like that, but over time it's gotten better (she's slowly gotten a little more mature), but then she'll revert back to being immature again. He says things will be going really well for a week or two, and then she'll throw a bitch fit out of the blue, like literally out of the blue, as in like they're having a great weekend together, sitting there watching movies, cuddling, and out of the blue she'll start a fight. My friend is like :wtf:

    I'm like let's go :beer:

    edit - whoa, you can change the size of smilies!!!!!
    edit - no you can't, they revert back once you hit "save."
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2006
  23. fray

    fray New Member

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    I act illogically. I know that, and I recognize it, and a lot of times, before I say something to my BF that I know is completely retarded and over the top, I preface it with that. So, as females, yes we are capable of being logical, capable of thinking about how people will perceive it and how it will affect them, and sometimes capable of shutting down emotions that make no sense....and sometimes those emotions get the better of us.

    But I think this is a human being personality thing, not a male/female thing. Some people are better at it, or care, and some do not. And due to the gender issue, a girl acting illogically and immaturely is going to be a complete mystery to a guy...but she probably comes across that way to girls too.
     
  24. fray

    fray New Member

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    Then I don't disagree with your assertion that he should break up with her... if he's tired of dealing with it and if it's his decision, not just cuz you don't like dealing with her!

    More of a personality match issue, it sounds like.

    edit: if things are cool for a while, then she blows up again, has he asked her what happened? maybe there is something, even if it's just as stupid as she thought he should've said I love you at a certain point and he didn't and she got mad. At least he would know there was a reason, not just unexpected. However, that still brings up the issue of does he want to deal with it or not? Whatever her quirk, it's there and it's either she randomly blows up or she gets upset over nothing topics, or whatever...he'll have to decide whether or not it's too much to deal with. Unfortunately, you're along for the ride until then!
     
  25. Pet3R

    Pet3R Active Member

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    :roflwtf:

    :nuts:



    Not all women are like this. Stop generalizing. I know plenty of men who are immature and blame others for their mistakes. Usually when they do take responsibility, they take a long ass time.

    Just because she's a women, it doesn't mean her opinion is as low as a pile of dog shit.


    Anyway, yeah, she is being immature, but instead of being a dick, shoulda just played along and teased her. Then he might've ended up having sex in a closet. *shrug*
     

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