SRS So i think my mom's insane

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ursher, Jan 26, 2005.

  1. ursher

    ursher Guest

    so i'm at home and before mom start preparing food i says, "hey let's go to BP, they got great nachos"

    To this, she pretty much has a reflex cringe reaction like i've stepped on a kitten or something, and goes "why don't you ever think about your future, and stop thinking about food for once!"

    Now despite this strange reaction, i'm used to this, and still argue that she wouldn't have to make food (which is nasty) or wash the dishes later if we would just go out.

    As we get into it, she gets starts her typical 20 minute rant about how i'm not considering my future, blah blah blah, and then i just get pissed off and pick up and go. I tell her that the same o'l routine is getting old and we should try something else. She then literally falls down on the ground, crawling on the floor and crying, my dad phones, and she starts unloading about how i'm ungrateful about all she's trying to accomplish and it's killing her :ugh:

    i resisted the urge to rip the phone from her and explain all, but i think by now my family has realized how much of a drama queen she is.

    Anyway, believe it or not but this has been going on for more than 3 years. I ask for something totally benign, like going to a restaurant, and she starts with the hysterics.

    so my theory is, could this be a control issue? I mean she is a control freak, and i assume that she doesn't want the family eating food that she didn't prepare herself? :dunno:




    Cliffs: i ask mom if she wants to eat at a restaurant, she has a nervous break down
     
  2. katt_85

    katt_85 OT Supporter

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    Whoa.
    Unfortunatly, I have heard other people describe their parents displaying similar random behavior. Menopause maybe?
     
  3. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    She's trying to prepare you a healthy meal, and you say that it would be better to go to the gas station and get some Nachos? And you think she is the one with the problem?

    Look, I'm sure that she overreacted, but that is a really shitty thing to do. You sound like a brat.
     
  4. ursher

    ursher Guest

    hold the phone. i'm very much aware of my mom's "condition." She was bitching as usual, and I says, hey let's get something at Boston Pizza (BP).

    I didn't say anything about her food (although i was thinking it).
     
  5. dontothejuan

    dontothejuan New Member

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    one of my ex GF's mothers used to starve her as a punishment. FUCKING CRAZY at least your mom tries to feed you
     
  6. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Okay, that sounded like British Patroleum to me. Regardless, are you aware that Pizza is not neccessarily healthy food, and that eating out is more expensive than eating in? Sounds like your mom is upset for the following reasons:

    1) That you want to eat unhealthy junk food.

    2) That you don't appreciate the healthy food that she was at that moment preparing for you.

    3) That what she provides isn't good enough for you. You want better, and more expensive.

    4) That you are leaving soon, and that she is still having these issues with you... and that this indicates that she has failed as a mother.

    Its called empty nesting. Most moms go through it. The only way to deal with it is to take a step back, understand that she has devoted her entire life to raising you for the last umpteen years, and that you are about to leave her... which will leave a huge gaping whole in her life.

    Its a difficult time for a mother. Sometimes, you're going to have to be the "bigger man." You're old enough, after all...
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2005
  7. ursher

    ursher Guest

    well.. What does being the "bigger man" entail? walking on eggshells for as long as she's alive?
     
  8. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    No she probably has some kind of mental disease. I forgot what it's called but it's common in old women.
     
  9. ursher

    ursher Guest

    I was thinking Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I mean it's like someone who refuses to enter a certain room in the house. You probably don't think anything if they won't go there, but when every fibre of their being refuses to do it, then ya, it's quite glaring.

    Basically the food situation is like this: as a family every one hides any purchases or else she'll freak out. I mean if someone asks if she wants to go and she says she's tired or something, fine, but like I said it becomes quite apparent when of the 200 times I've asked her and the ultimate result was "no" in some form, it makes me wonder...

    OCD or control.. it's a toss up for me
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Nah. Not that at all. I can understand it's hard -- it'll be a lot easier once you leave home.

    Being the bigger man means having understanding and sympathy and treating your mom with kindness and love. I'm sure she loved you once -- and still does. And I know it can be tough to do, esp. if she's screeching nonsense at you. I COMPLETELY sympathise.

    But, let me draw a picture to explain myself.

    Let's pretend it's years from now. You are now a very rich, handsome, successful and powerful man.

    You're on the way to get in your Merc SL500, and you notice a little neighbor girl has fallen off her bike and is bawling her eyes out. She ALWAYS cries, and yes, it's a little annoying...

    Should you go over and yell SHUT UP!! about two inches from her face because she constantly annoys you?

    No. You'd probably walk over, bend down and say something nice to comfort the little girl. Pick up her bike, help her straighten the handlebars, and pat her on the head and tell her to be careful.

    You can do this and it doesn't take anything away from you because you are the bigger man.


    Rewind 15 years to present day....

    Your mom probably feels sad, lonely, depressed and is living the so-called life of quiet desperation. An ever diminishing life of fewer and fewer options.

    YOU on the other hand, get to go on to college, get to move out, get to meet new partners, get to experience all sorts of things, basically to develop a life that will become better and brighter with every passing season (if you make it so).

    It's not at all uncommon among older women who have a tough time in the workplace, who perhaps traded upon their looks in their salad days and now find that currency rapidly devaluing, and whose future prospects are dimmer than the special ed class that meets in the portables behind the gym.

    So realize that in comparison, you have ALREADY become the more powerful person in the household.
    Realize that and find the compassion within yourself to look kindly on your mom.

    How will you treat her she's 80 years old, feeble, tired and a sweet old grandmum who can't quite remember things, and her specialist tells you privately that the cancer is terminal?

    I bet you'd gently cradle her in your arms and say Mom I love you, and it's all going to be ok.
    She IS THAT PERSON RIGHT NOW. If you have eyes to see it.

    That's what being the bigger man is about.
     
  11. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

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  12. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    ursher, I think your mom cares about you and she has a lot of things she wants to talk over with you. So I think she has all this stuff stored up...Things to motivate you. The dinner incident made her blurt out all that stuff in a way she wasn't planing on...Never tell a woman that you want to go out to eat when she is in the middle of preparing dinner. ( That's what pulled the nuclear trigger.) She said that you're not considering your furture, tell us about it.
     
  13. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

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    :werd: she sounds to me like she has some things that she is not telling you. maybe something that she holds deep inside. why dont you sit her down and ask her if there is something she needs to talk to you about. maybe explain to her that no matter what she tells you, you will always love her. and you will always be there for her. tell her the way she is making you feel. but do it in a constuctive way.
     
  14. CPipes

    CPipes Shit definitely just got real!! OT Supporter

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    Are you at the age where you could be moving out soon. I have seen some parents act really strange once they know they can lose you at anytime and no longer have full control over the choices you make.
     

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