So I think I just screwed up the best thing to ever happen to me...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Lord Nat, Oct 2, 2006.

  1. Lord Nat

    Lord Nat New Member

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    So I have been dating my dream girl for just about a month now.
    And I think I just screwed it up tonight...

    I am an odd person... Like just really not normal.. she is a lot like me (to a almost creepy level some times) I so guessed it might be ok to tell her something that has been on my mind.

    That I have feelings for other girls as well as her.
    I mean I REALLY love her, she is the best thing that has ever happend to me.
    But there are other girls I have feels for as well.
    I am the kind of person that see nothing wrong with this and hell I find group relationships as a good idea on a lot of levels my self (I have talked to a lot of people in them and it really just seems if you can get it to work it is the way to go for a lot of reasons)...
    Well I told her this... It seemed to freak her out alot and make her think that I don't really care for her like I say to her (at least it seems like that...).

    I don't know what to do... I mean I can't help the way I think and feel... I wish I was more normal at times but that is just the way I am...

    I mean I guessed she might be ok with it as she has a lot of people she says she "loves" and talks about all kinds of people she sounds like she has feelings for she knows over the internet (I mean hell some of them are paying a lot of money to come and see her) (She even knows a person in a group realtionship that has invited her to join)...
    But it seems I was wrong...

    Now I fear she is going to leave me for what I told her...
    Like I did not mean to freak her out at all or anything like that...
    I just wanted her to understand my feelings better and know more about me...

    I really love her and want to be with her forever...
    But now... if I lose her I don't know if I can deal with it...
    I love her so much...

    So here I am unable to sleep and have a 4 hour class at 10 AM and fearing that I might have just screwed up my true chance at happyness...

    Anyone have any ideas to help me?
     
  2. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    *sigh*

    This is why you don't open up to your woman and tell her your innermost wishes and fears and emotions.

    There's nothing for you to do but hope it blows over. You sound kind of desperate and needy though, which is not helping. I know how you feel as I've felt that way myself; it may take heartbreak to get you past it, sorry to say.

    You need to give her some space and let her be freaked/upset until she calms down and (hopefully) comes back to you and things are okay again. That's about it.

    Just know that whatever happens, you have plenty of chances at happiness in life. There is no "the one." I know this is small consolation when your heart is being ripped to shreds, as again, I've been there. But it's God's honest truth, I promise.
     
  3. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    It sounds pretty obvious that you think she is the prize in the relationship. This is a bad frame to be coming from. It means that as long as the relationship exists, you will be trying to keep her interested and sticking around.

    So what to do: consider the relationship over. No, I don't mean dump her... but mentally assume that it's over. This will change the way you act and may actually save the relationship. Say "Hey babe... that's just the way I feel, and feelings can't be wrong. I feel as though you and I have an incredible connection." or something and then let her deal with it or move on.
     
  4. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    honestly, show her this post. I think she will be able to understand better. Thats all I can think for you to do right now. I think thats the thing to do.
     
  5. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    You need to go talk to the folks in freakyshit. They have more experience in being odd than the Vag group.
     
  6. Lord Nat

    Lord Nat New Member

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    I I am prone to be a clingy person ya, and ya you are likely right I just have to let her think it out and hope she understands... I just really don't want to lose her...

    This is really not what I think I need to do, I mean I really think this is just something that needs to be worked out.
    Like once we understand eachother about it then it will be fine.

    Good idea and going to do.

    Good idea and likely will do if it comes to that.

    And now off to school.
     
  7. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Well what you need to realize is that there's no point in worrying. She is gonna stay if she wants to stay and go if she wants to go. It's impossible to control a woman or tie her down (metaphorically!), so don't bother trying.

    This is why bandwagon's advice is sound. You are better off letting go of the situation and expecting that the worst may happen... and knowing that if it does, it's not the end of life on earth.
     
  8. Lord Nat

    Lord Nat New Member

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    hm ya you are right in a way I guess...
    All I can really do is hope she is ok with me and hope she understands me...
    I mean the last thing I want is to break up with her... But if that is what she wants there is not much I can do about it...

    But I might just be freaked out over nothing.
    I am prone to do that.
    I will just have to do my best.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2006
  9. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Tips:

    1. Never talk about other women with your SO unless you want her to dump you.

    2. At this point, don't "beg" her to come back, don't apologize, don't change who you are. Do NOT act desperate, sad, pathetic, etc. Stand up tall! Be proud! You're an adult and you occasionally have feelings for other people? So what? I love my dogs, my family, and a few friends, but I don't love them like the way I love my SO.

    3. Do NOT buy her flowers or gifts to apologize for who you are.

    You are who you are, and quite frankly you may have done a GOOD thing here. If she truely likes you, then she may take this as a test to be nicer to you, to prove to you how much she loves you. If she comes back, understand that she really DOES like you a lot, and that's a good thing. However, if at the first sign of problems she decides to dump you, then maybe she is not the best woman for you. Is she loyal to you?

    What's going to happen if you're married to her, and then you lose your job? You look at another woman? You drunkely kiss another woman? (Not like any of this has EVER happened to any man on the face of the earth, let alone me!) Is she going to run for the hills? What kind of woman would she be then? I've done all of the above with my current SO and she is still with me, stronger than ever. She's done the same to me, and I'm still with her. Why? because we both know it means nothing compared to how perfect we are for each other.

    Consider this a little test you threw her way, and see how she handles it. Step back, let her come to you. If she does, THEN reward her by not being a stupid idiot to her again. ;)

    Relax. Look her in the eyes. Make a joke. Flirt. Tell her how you can tell she's stuck on you, then get her to admit it. Then go out for dinner/drinks/something and never bring it up again - even if she does!
     
  10. Lord Nat

    Lord Nat New Member

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    :bowdown:

    Wow... you really know what you are talking about here...
    I wish I was half as wise as you are.
     
  11. DragonsBane

    DragonsBane New Member

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    I am not fleeing from him or the problem. I do not know that i want to leave him at this point and we havent really had the time yet to sit down and thoroughly talk about it. The way i see it though.. he if he loves me as much as he says he does he shouldn't have these troubling thoughts of wanting to be with other women as well.
     
  12. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    I agree with you
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    So these feelings are more than the usual "she's hot", or "I wonder what it would be like to sleep with her" that every guy has? He's actually thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship with these other women? And not just fleeting thoughts, serious, consistent thoughts?

    In that case...he's not satisfied with the relationship. This is not necessarily reflecting badly on you.

    He needs to figure out if he wants to be in a serious exclusive relationship, or in a dating, casual "we can see other people" relationship. If either of you are incompatible for what the other wants, the best thing to do would be to end the relationship.
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    To address your points....

    What kinds of feelings are you having for these other women? Are they the same feelings you have for your current gf? It's one thing if you care deeply for those others, that's OK. But if you're having serious romantic thoughts about these other women, as well as your gf, and she wants to be in a committed, serious, exclusive relationship, you aren't being fair to her.

    Why? Because you would not be able to fullyy commit to her.

    Figure out what you want, then the two of you need to tdecide if being togther will still work for both of you.
     
  15. DragonsBane

    DragonsBane New Member

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    Yes, he actually wants a relationship that involves more than one woman. I told him last night that i think he is not ready to settle down in the type of relationship that i am looking for, although i care for him a lot i think he needs to find someone that will fit into his lifestyles
     
  16. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    DragonsBane, I'm assuming you're the GF? If so, this is why I said this first:
    Notice how you said this:
    And you're damn right he shouldn't. If my woman were talking about some other guy or guys, enough to warrant my serious attention (no, movie starts don't count to most folks, but you sure as shit better believe it pisses me off so she doesn't do it - by my request) you can bet I'd dump her.

    What should you do? I'm a firm believer in paying attention to actions. At this point he's broken the trust in the relationship which will make it hard for you to ever not say "I wonder if he's thinking about another woman."

    You don't seem to thrilled. I would not be either. :squint:
     
  17. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Oh, he wants a threesome.

    Good luck with that. At (what I perceive) this stage in his life, he needs to work on his two-some skills a lot more. Threesomes are exceptionally tricky, and rarely work out.
     
  18. DragonsBane

    DragonsBane New Member

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    He isnt talking just threesomes... if it were just that i wouldn't be worried because that is normal for most males... he is talking a lifestyle.. of having more than one girl
     
  19. Lord Nat

    Lord Nat New Member

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    Well really for the most part it is the first one, like 99% of the time and I understand that is normal.
    It's the 1% that are the like the other kind.

    I really am very satisfied with what I have now it is just really some thinking about it "what if".
    I "what if" all kinds of stuff all the time. that normaly it is not that big a deal this what if thing just seems to be a really big deal.
    Ya I'd not mind having more then one girl friend at one time, and hell I do see group relationships as a really good idea and something that I might get into if I had the chance.
    But it does not mean I need that.
    I am happy with what I have now and there is no reason I need more then that just from some random thinking.

    It is not really a life style, it is just something that seems like a cool idea.
    I mean I think surfers have a really good life and that is something I'd love to do, Does not mean I am going to go off and become a Surf Bum.

    Really it is more I am not really sure what I want and I am just thinking about things. I am 21 and I have a lot of life ahead of me so I think about "what ifs".
    That does not mean I want to mess up what I have now and am happy with.
    There is no point in saying that I am better with some one of a lifestyle that I do not know if I even am.
    It is just an idea I had, something I think about from time to time.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2006
  20. DragonsBane

    DragonsBane New Member

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    The things is it is something that you were troubled about.. and you have girls in mind as well.
     
  21. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    The problem here is that you want to DATE multiple women, which in my experience turns into a nightmare very quickly. However, there is nothing wrong with dating. But if you have a girlfriend, that suggests you are committed and NOT dating.

    To be fair to your partners, you need to let them know your expecatations. And I would not expect all women to like just dating you, so expect to get dumped by some very good quality women. Women want more than to be just a fuck.
     
  22. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    yep, sounds like you want to be dating non-exclusively. Perfectly fine, as long as you let the women know about it ahead of time or fairly early.

    Dragon'sBane, how are you on the subject of dating non-exclusively?
     
  23. Lord Nat

    Lord Nat New Member

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    That again was more random "what if' thinking then anything.
    And the being troubled was more of being half asleep, tired as hell, and freaking out that you are mad at me...

    That yes that was something I have thought about in the past and such, I have talked to people it worked out for and they seem really happy and I have known some people that are in such relationships now.
    And yes I have a girlfriend, and I love her.
    I don't want to mess that up.
    I want more then random sex, I mean hell if all I want'ed was random sex I'd not have a girlfriend, I'd just go back to getting random girls.

    Random messing around and such is something that I do enjoy but I have had a lot of in the past, that is not what I want.
    I love my girlfriend and want to stay with her, she is so much more then sex to me.
    Sex is not that big a deal to me.
    There is so much more to life and love then sex.

    I mean ya I do have the random "she is hot" and such thought but all people do.
    I love my girlfriend and I love many of my friends.
    I care for them like family and some of them more.
    I link with people very easy and once I care some one they become a part of my life and that is what is going on with this thinking.
    My dream life when I think about it is living in a large house with all the people I love and having them in my life forever.
    I mean most of them it has nothing to do with Sex, I mean I love my gay roommate, I love my big crazy ass friend Will, I have many kinds of love, I love most people I know in their one way...
    But my main love is my girlfriend.
    And yes I have had the idea of having more then one girlfriend, but that does not mean I will if it is not ok with the one I have now.
    That does not take something away from me and I am ok with it.
    Life is to grant and wonderful to let little things like some random ideas get in the way, if people did whatever they think is a good idea then there'd be a lot more chaos in the world.

    And that is turning into a rant so I will stop now.
    But ya I am a kind of clingy person and I love making people happy and feel good, so I am known to feel people up and goof around a little here and there.
    But it does not mean I will cheat on my girlfriend as that'ed hurt her to much, and the last thing I want to do is hurt her.
    That is why I regret bring this up as it seems that it has hurt her that I think things like this.
    I really do not mean anything by it and ya some times when my ideas upset people I become trubled by it (it does not help I normaly only talk about then when I am half asleep and I am known to overreact and get really upset when I am tired).

    So I am really sorry for making you upset and I am sorry if I might have made people missunder stand what I mean.
    I am not so good at putting ideas into word as that is not really the way I think and some times it just does not flow down into word that well.

    But ya...
     
  24. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Get some pets! But on a serious note....it kinda sounds like you want a big family or something.

    It alsmost sounds your looking for family love as opposed to romantic love, or something like that.

    Have you always been this way? And I don't mean to imply anything here, but it is a serious question..have you ever thought about getting some professional counseling to help you figure things out?

    And anothere thing I just thought of.....I think you may want a big, huge, safety net of love/lovers, so that you will never have to feel bad.

    You DO want multiple romantic girlfriends...but not for the sex. You want the love/caring/support. If something goes wrong with one of them, you can just go to another, and get those feelings.

    Does any of that sound true?
     
  25. Lord Nat

    Lord Nat New Member

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    Hm... well yes, really.
    I want to be there loving/caring/supporting them too (as that is what I do for people I care about), But ya that is kind of what I think some times...
    I guess it really is from being alone for so long.
    I really don't want to do that again and I don't want anyone to have to live like that like I did...
    I mean I see what you are saying and ya I am somewhat like that.
    I want a big family that all supports eachother, that is what my Bio family is like that and that is what I know...
     

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