LGBT So, I spent 30 min today helping a doc attempt to extract a HUGE....

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by TheMustafa, Jan 16, 2008.

  1. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

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    black plastic dildo out of a guy's ass :bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:

    HIPPA violation here I go, but I didnt know this actually happened :rofl:

    Guy comes in, looks totally normal, except for the fact that its 5AM, so I know something is going to be whack.

    "So, whats the emergency today?"
    "Umm, I'm constipated"
    "Uhh, what makes that an emergency at 5AM?"

    Long story short guy proceeds to tell the story of how he cant sleep early this morning, tries to jerk off to "relax and make himself sleepy," but cant get off, so has boyfriend proceed to shove a pretty fucking massive 12" dildo up his ass, and when he shoots "my ass kind of contracted and sucked it in all of a sudden"

    Of course, as professional as I am, i cant help but crack the fuck up while the guy is looking at me like :ugh: I mean, what can you do but laugh in that kind of situation? fuck it. needless to say, he's so stressed his vitals are through the roof.

    So, doctor sedates the guy, and we bust open a vaginal exam tray to open this guy up and see what we can see. By this point, the thing is so far up his ass the doc would have to shove his whole hand up there to get it out, and the suction behind this thing was such that even if he got it, it would probably be impossible to pull it out. After a few more minutes of attempting to thread a catheter around the dildo to relieve the suction, doc gives up. Xrays taken, showing this fucking huge, really clearly defined veiny penis shoved a ridiculously far way up his colon. I wish to god i had pics.

    Guy is gonna be in surgery later today getting this thing surgically removed. Surgeon says he doesnt think he'll be able to avoid cutting through this guy's stomach; he's gonna be in recovery for weeks :rofl::rofl:

    PS - "boyfriend" didnt even show up. He probably shoved the dildo up his ass himself. :rofl:
     
  2. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    wow....just...wow..... :noes:
     
  3. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    It is actually rather common. Which is why I do not own a dildo. Only Butt Plugs and Vibrating Butt Plugs for me! With the force of MY contractions?? Oh, hell no. If I were him, I would just die on embarrassment. And not many things embarrass me.
     
  4. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Power-bottom! :mamoru:
     
  5. zortnac

    zortnac New Member

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    Play safe with your toys kids :)
     
  6. BlondieAMC

    BlondieAMC New Member

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    That is the funniest thing i've read in a long ass time. lol

    Thanks for sharing the story. Made my day much brighter.
     
  7. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    key words! :rofl:
     
  8. BlondieAMC

    BlondieAMC New Member

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    Hence why i worded it that way!! :mamoru: I'm still giggling about this story. I am so glad i don't work in a healthcare setting. I know i couldn't keep a straight face when someone like this came in.
     
  9. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...and you know it!
     
  10. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    im curious though - dont MOST dildos have the fake balls at the base of them?

    doesnt that stop them from entering the rest of the way? Why would one not by a dildo with the fake balls - are they cheaper? do you really have to scrimp when buying a dildo? shouldnt you go for the best? :o
     
  11. kidwiththeshirt

    kidwiththeshirt I'm gay, big deal, wanna fight about it?

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    i could never own a dildo, i don't know where i'd hide it. i thought about it though, and maybe it would solve my whore problems.
     
  12. Josey

    Josey New Member

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    holy dear jesus.....just...just...well Nova said it best...
     
  13. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...actually, no. Most dildos do not have the fake balls.

    ...the prevellance of the fake balls are relatively new to the world of dildo. Most customers didn't like the aesthetic of the fake balls when they were first introduced, and so no one purchased them. Then THESE types of accidents started happening. And now, you are seeing them everywhere. But really, how often does one update his/her toy collection? People tend to find something that they like, and never think to 'upgrade' unless it breaks...or, gets lost inside of them.

    :x: Personally, I'm awaiting the release of a pyrex vibrating butt plug... Oh, what a happy day that will be!
     
  14. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    I was once given a book by this female version of me (on str8). I'm not sure what it was called, but it all about randomly crazy sexual hospital emergencies. From the perspective of medical professionals, mostly nurses and interns. Hysterical!

    I mostly remember this one situation with a light bulb...that ultimately shattered inside of this guy. Oh, and that doll-head episode of Grey's Anatomy--right out of this book!
     
  15. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

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    lol i guess not, this one had no such colon-saving balls
     
  16. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

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    1. it was too far up, and 2. the colon apparently creates considerable suction behind the dildo, preventing you from pulling it out (but making it easier to push farther in :rofl:)
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2008
  17. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

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    Update (I got home from work a few hours ago):

    Surgery was able to get it out with minimal effort, and he was released a few hours later :rofl:

    Apparently they knocked him out, inserted a colonoscopy scope, and were able to slide a foley catheter (the kind that usually goes up your urethra into your bladder... i could tell horror stories about putting those in for days) past the dildo, thereby breaking the suction behind it. Inflate the balloon at the end of the foley, pull back on the foley, and bam, it pulls the dildo with it.

    The surgeon washed it off, took some pics of it for laughs, threw it in a bag, and gave it to the guy :rofl:
     
  18. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

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    i think i just thought of a new invention I should patent - some kind of dildo safety device consisting of a string that screws into the base of the dildo, and then ties around your hand... kinda like the thing you wrap around your ankle to keep you attached to your surf board?

    i think it'd save hundreds of thousands in hospital bills every year.
     
  19. BlondieAMC

    BlondieAMC New Member

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    Sorta like the wii remote with the string to attach to you wrist so you don't accidently throw it through your tv. I love it!!!
     
  20. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    I love how nonchalant you are in mentioning this.

    also - you are a son of a bitch to quote with your fancy italics and font color.. ugh.
     
  21. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

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    AtlEAst hE dOEsn't spEAk In rAInbOw And dIffErEnt sIzEd lEttErs.
     
  22. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Where the fuck did this come from?
     
  23. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    oh my god.

    how is this even possible?
     
  24. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    Santa Barbara CA. :confused:
     
  25. mondaynightmike

    mondaynightmike New Member

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    DEFINITELY No *Unlinked* Cock Pics

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