SRS So I really suck at conversation and first impressions

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Marmitha, Aug 16, 2007.

  1. Marmitha

    Marmitha Milk ftw

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    This is going to be long so sorry I just felt the need to describe every scenario :hsd:

    I don't know what it is, but there are always one of three things that happen when I have a conversation with a person. Usually with a guy, but it happens with girls too. I'm pretty sure its me and not the people I talk to.

    First off, someone will approach me, for example at work, and they will start off a descent conversation, perhaps something we can both relate to. I don't know what it is, but I think I come off as a bitch, maybe my answers are really frank or something, but after a few minutes of talking he will start to look really awkward and start mumbling or just generally look really nervous and sometimes even stutter. Then we will never talk again and simply say hi or bye, or say nothing but glance at one another in a really awkward way. Maybe I'm over analyzing, I don't know...

    So if that doesn't happen we will have a conversation and thoughts will be racing through my head, like what should I say next? I think she/he thinks I'm being too quiet. I think they feel like I'm uninterested and perhaps I'm judging them, but I'm really not. I just don't know what to say. Which will eventually result in the same thing, general awkwardness between me and the other person.

    Finally, if I manage to get past the shyness and the awkwardness, I try to act like a little bit more talkative, but it comes off little bit too strong and they think I'm some sort of completely strung out party girl, or just a dumb blond type of girl (even though I'm not blond)

    This is why now I've just decided to stay quiet and never talk, and also I've become very bitter towards people, I can't trust anyone and just steer clear.

    my friend of 5 years has even told me its almost brutal watching me make conversation with someone I just met :hsd: I really suck at first, second, third impressions. It takes probably a good two years maybe even more, for someone to get to know me. I don't have many friends, one of them is my cousin who is my best friend who knows me better than anyone else in the world. I also talk to my brother, but my two other friends really don't know know me very well, and sometimes talking to them can be a drag :(

    I just felt the need to say all this, does anyone feel the same way ? :sadwavey:
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2007
  2. UNvisible

    UNvisible New Member

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    It sounds like you're going in the wrong direction.. Talk to as many people as you possibly can... meaningless people... so you can get practice in.

    When you fill up your car with gas, go inside and talk to the clerk... who cares what you say, because you'll probably never see him/her again.
     
  3. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    If you had posted this a week before, I would have met you in Toronto and shown you how to have good conversation with someone you've never met before.

    You're probably just overanalyzing everything. Maybe you can't find many people to relate to? I don't know..

    Unfortunately, all I can advise you is to just relax. Don't get so caught up on how you think the conversation should flow, and just go with it.
     
  4. ware_ru

    ware_ru I know, I know, I'm amazing

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    go to the vag, read the sticky, especially all my posts in it. also the posts of the name i used ot use (jkidd5). Take the positivity challenge - look up my thread on it in the vag - should be on the first page or two. Actually, do that in the reverse order. Take the posiitivity challenge as the first and most important thing in your life.
     
  5. ware_ru

    ware_ru I know, I know, I'm amazing

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    update.
     
  6. Xtreme2k2

    Xtreme2k2 GTI Crew ಠ_ಠ OT Supporter

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  7. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I had the same problem, and it does get better but you have to be the one to keep initiating the conversation. The thing is that when you are quiet the other person thinks that you don't want to talk to them, so you have to show them otherwise.

    Well I have half gotten over that and now am running into a different problem which is that my convo's seem to turn people off. It's not a problem with guys so much, but mainly girls. I don't know what it is because I am only trying to make conversation and make friends, but some girls act like they don't want to talk to me, as if they're worried that I'm hitting on them (I have a gf :ugh: ). And then there are some girls who are obviously interested in me UNTIL I talk to them and then it's like they no longer see me as attractive, so that's why I don't bother talking to some girls who are clearly trying to get my attention. I'm a straight shooter, I don't mind smiling and laughing, and can sometimes say things that may seem unattractive, such as the fact that I live with my parents (even though I have a job, savings, a car, and own my own house :ugh: ). It just seems to me that in order for a girl to like talking to you that you pretty much have to tease her constantly as if she is a child, instead of treating her like an adult by being interested in her life and her thoughts. :weak:
     
  8. ware_ru

    ware_ru I know, I know, I'm amazing

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  9. SQLee

    SQLee The OTer That Cares™

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    You're taking it too seriously. Just talk, it's not as big of a deal as you're making it out to be. And consider this especially--you're already making a bad impression, so what have you got to lose?

    Also, you should really try to talk to as many people as possible. You know the mantra...practice, practice, practice.
     
  10. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    I work downtown, wanna meet up and talk at lunch?

    I'll be very frank with you and try to figure out what may be driving people away from joo when you talk to them.

    :wavey:

    I'm only in the city for 3 more weeks, so if you want my help, you should PM me while I'm still here. Otherwise you'll need to find another OT-er/person who wants to help.
     

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