As some of you may remember, I was going through a lot of shit a few weeks ago, with the whole break-up/stop talking thing with my ex. I took the liberty of buying a few books written about anger and after reading them, I've realized a lot about myself. However, because of them, I look at my dad in a much, much different light than I used to. I know he was never really there for me as a father, but I never realized how much it affected me until I read these two books. As a kid, he was there for my sports games when he had the time. It was great, I loved him being there. However, when I wanted to do something with him, it seemed like he always had something else going on that was more important, such as sitting on the couch watching TV or sitting on the computer. When we had plans to do something, it seemed like something else came up, like taking a nap. There were a few times where we did go do something, but looking back, those were few and far between. Even going into my junior high days and high school days, and even now, whenever I ask him to do something he doesn't want to. Whether that's going to get a beer or going to play golf or going to baseball game, he doesn't want. He'd rather just sit at home instead, and it bugs the hell out of me. I'm to the point now where I just don't ask him because I know the answer. He never really was there as emotional support like a parent should be either. When something was bothering me as a kid, he always gave me the "just get over it" attitude. He never sat down with me and talked about things, discussed it and helped me get through it. Just got somewhat angry and told me to get over it. Because of this, I felt I had to trap in my feelings when I was at home, and I've continued to do that around everyone else because it made me feel better most of the time. I've always looked up to my father. He was a police officer when I was a kid, so I naturally looked up to him. He went through a lot to change careers, and I admired him for it. I know he was never there for me like I wanted him to be, but I didn't think about it all that much. I even remember him coming into my room one day after I got off school and he had gotten off work. He was crying and said "Sorry I never was the greatest dad" and went into his room. Nothing was ever said after that or tried after that by him to change. I can't look at him in the same light anymore. After reading these books, I've made it where I pretty much stay away from him. I don't eat dinner with the family anymore because I don't want to sit there and talk with him about things. When he's home for lunch and I'm in between classes, I come in my room and shut my door until he leaves, then I'll go out to eat something for lunch. The other problem is that, like I told my sister last week, I don't feel comfortable telling him while I'm living in the same house as him. I'm here for another 3-4 months or so. I don't want to tell him and make things even worse between us, but I hate living like this. It sucks looking down on him like this, but I guess that's life?