SRS so i just told a girl that im not mentally healthy enough to be her friend...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Eric Happy Meal, Jan 8, 2009.

  1. Eric Happy Meal

    Eric Happy Meal New Member

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    heres the whole situation:

    i met this girl about a year ago from my work, we went out on a date where we made out, and yada yada, but never did anything after that, and she kind of blew me off after that. Then a few months after that where we werent talking we went out on another date, we never kissed on that one, and i never really told her how i felt about her because i didnt really have a lot of experience with girls and how to go about it (i thought i showwed her how i felt, but i guess the message wasnt given to her)

    So after we go on a few "dates" like this i tell her how i feel about her and she told me that she did not feel the same about me, and that she thought we were just friends, so i told her that i didnt think it would work because of how strongly i felt about her. (to me, she is one of the most beautiful girls ive ever seen, i love her personality and i love spending time with her) and we end up not talking for a little while...

    As a side note, when we went on the first two dates she was single, and after that she ended up getting back with her ex boyfriend..

    Then this process repeats a couple times (minus us going out on a date) this time as just a friendship, and everything goes well between us, because she really is fun to be around... Like we are going to lunch together pretty much every day, and we hang out outside of work probably once every weekend, BUT, it didnt last and i start to get a little depressed and end up telling her that i want to be with her, and she basically just turns me down....

    then this process happens a couple more times where it is just going to lunch, not hanging out outside of work, but it ends the same way..... and this last time we were talking for like 3 weeks or so, and then something happened between us where we stopped talking for a week...(i told her tht she was making me depressed and she said that she needed to leave my life), so we stopped talking to each other, and then yesterday the two of us went to lunch, and i sent her a fairly long text asking why i fell for her, then she said we would talk more about it tomorrow (today) and while we were out to lunch she was telling me how she doesnt know what shes doing to make me feel like this about her, and she tries her best to make me not want to be with her.... We make it through lunch without me saying much because i feel like i need to tell her that i dont think i can handle our relationship, since i know that im not completely mentally well....

    now i feel like total shit, and i feel so bad for hurting this girl, and i cannot seem to cope with the fact that i just told this girl that i really true care about that i cannot see her anymore... (we have said this before) but this time i know its different and that we really arent going to talk to each other again. (during lunch she told me that she hates that we stop talking, then were on good terms again, and i feel the same way...) so now im drunk, and going to continue drinking until i pass the fuck out..... :wtc:
     
  2. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Don't lose your head over this one girl. I know it's probably hard to do but you should take an indefinite break away from her. You need time to get better and not think about her. Maybe once you have moved on you guys can try to be friends again but you need to heal.
     
  3. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    You guys will end up at Arby's on PCH in a few weeks. :wavey: You know which one I'm talking about.
     
  4. RachTyrTaiya

    RachTyrTaiya New Member

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    does she have a boyfriend now?
     
  5. zatotheck

    zatotheck New Member

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    Just feel comfortable knowing that you made a good choice, one the will help you. Don't down yourself, praise yourself.
     
  6. Eric Happy Meal

    Eric Happy Meal New Member

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    she lives down in huntington beach and doesnt eat meat :o
     
  7. Eric Happy Meal

    Eric Happy Meal New Member

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    her ex..... they broke up again during the middle of this for awhile, then got back together again....


    but i really do care about this girl, she is just about as perfect a girl as i have ever meet in my life. i really am looking for a GF at this point in my life, and i know that this is a girl that i could date, and that i could also see myself growing old with..... i really do care for her, and that i also do want to be with for quite some time........ i really do care about her, as a friend, and as a person, and also as possibly a lover...

    but i just dont know what to do with myself and this whole situation.. i really feel terrible about everything that has happened and HOW everything that has happened.. i hate that ive hurt her, but i dont know, i feel like its best for me, but at the same time i know that i want to be with her more than any girl ive met before....so here i stand.
     
  8. RachTyrTaiya

    RachTyrTaiya New Member

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    If she didn't like you in that way she shoudn't have been making out with you. You sent the right signals...

    If she is/was dating her ex . . .

    did he care you guys hang out so much?

    did he know about your crush and you guys making out before?



    This whole thing should have ended after the first date and she went back to her ex. I don't understand why it continued... and the part about you feeling bad for hurting this poor girl... oh man you have got to be kidding me...

    look what her bs has done to you...

    you did the right thing just a little too late, but you didn't lose anything great here... you lost years of future headaches and bs.
     
  9. amze

    amze New Member

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    Whoa whoa whoa dude.. Been there, but in a much different scenario with the girl i went to prom with, but we had like a fling, and it was a lot different, but basically I fell for her especially after prom night, and we went on some dates, and I wanted more. She backed off, shit sucked.. then every couple months she'd lead me on again.

    Don't do this to yourself. Fucking listen to me, find another chick and bone her :bigthumb: (I'm kidding but actually not kidding)

    The girl I was involved with was flirty with me, we had a past, she was suggestive, she knew exactly how to keep me giving her attention. And everytime we stopped talking or I told her to fuck off.. she'd text me 1-2 times a week.. and within a month I'd respond thinking, "Whys this bitch so interested in me, why wont she let it go" trying to justify bullshit and hope that she likes me in my head.

    Horrible idea,

    1) Date other girls
    2) Bone other girls
    3)Leave this chick in the dust, and I know you'll have those days where its like :wtc: Shes so perfect, me and her would be :bowdown:. But NO, fuck her, move the fuck on, it'll be the best thing you will ever do :bigthumb:
     
  10. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    It should be over in my opinion. I've been through a similar situation, only I didn't keep trying. I was very close with a girl, I told her where I was coming from, and she said "No" basically. So I told her, that's cool, but unfortunately I can't be apart of your life anymore -- not out of disrespect or to guilt you, but I allowed myself to get too attached and I'd be unhappy if I stayed around.

    She understood but didn't want it to be that way. I left, and we've talked once since, but it was only to finish business.
     
  11. Eric Happy Meal

    Eric Happy Meal New Member

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    Thanks for the help/advice guys.

    One thing is that I feel like I want to be her friend still, it's just that after awhile I end up getting depressed over not being with her.. I'm not sure I'd that's something that I'll be able to do, or if it's just better to leave it alone.. The time that we spent the most time together it was just as friends, but she is kind of flirty which got me to thinking, which got me to being depressed.. And during this time her boyfriend was getting mad at her for spending so much time with me and she said. "I plan on him being in my life for a very long time, and i'm not going to stop hanging out with him for you.. And if you can't deal with that then we need to seperate"
     
  12. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    If I was the boyfriend I would have said the same thing.
     
  13. Redneck Shinobi

    Redneck Shinobi Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that

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    Wait I'm kinda confused a little here. So you liked this girl you worked with, went out for lunch and spent time with her just hanging out, all while you liked her? Then you decided you needed to push her away and out of your life to ignore her? Then she comes back in your life and you're confused again?

    If I got that right then you might be going about it wrong. You can't just ignore someone to make the issue go away. You did right in expressing what was going on, but she should take a step back too. Women and Men's friendships can be really fucked up actually. Sometimes one person will fall for the other and the other will never see them as anything other than a friend. I've had a lot of girl friends growing up, in fact it was pretty much half and half and I fell for some of them, but you gotta get it out of your head. You either need to find someone else to hang out with or find another way to spend your time. The more you hang out with her, the worse it'll be for you.
     
  14. Fiasco

    Fiasco New Member

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    You've been friendzoned. Pick up the pieces and erase her from your mind.

    This sounds like a chick you can't afford to hang around at all or you'll fall back into your bad habbits.
     
  15. RachTyrTaiya

    RachTyrTaiya New Member

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    LOL! This woman spends a shit ton of time with you knowing you have feelings for her and tells her boyfriend that???

    You have got to be kidding me.
     
  16. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    This girl is just seeking as much attention as possible. I've been in this situation before more times than I care to admit and it sucks a lot. I think it comes from being too nice. At least she's being honest with you though. (sort of) The last chick who did this to me just told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship at that time and the next day I caught her sucking face with some random dude. It's gonna be tough to let it go but you're going to have to for your own sanity. I still think about this girl and it's been 4 years.
     
  17. Eric Happy Meal

    Eric Happy Meal New Member

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    i know that im terrible when it comes to girls, so its not easy for me to just go out and find some new chick, and im also not that great in groups, so im not that great at going to a bar and just walking up to some bitch and starting a conversation with her. ive gone on a couple dates while me and this girl were talking/not talking and it seems like the first date always goes really well, but after that i somehow manage to fuck it up, and end up never going on a second date.....

    and on a side note: i feel like i should start going to therapy, but its kind of embarrassing/demoralizing to try and find a therapist..... dont really want to have to admit that i cant handle shit on my own.
     
  18. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    What do you mean? What type of "shit" are you not handling?
     
  19. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    Hey man, you sound a lot like me. Similar problems. I'm also trying to contact a therapist to talk to, I have yet to talk to one. Slowly working up the courage to do it.:hs: If you want to talk in detail, feel free to PM me.
     
  20. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    If she doesn't feel the same way about you, you can't be truly happy with this person. So far, all your relationship has been is pushing and pulling and seemingly causing you no end in heartache. You should not waste your time pursuing a person romantically who has flat out told you she is not interested. You should continue to be friends, as it seems you spend alot of time together and probably see eachother alot, but leave it at that. You need to try and find a person that makes you happy and doesn't have you questioning yourself and your relationship all the time.
     

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