so i just got dumped :(

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by NCS, Dec 17, 2009.

  1. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    hey all of you. after 9 months of being with a wonderful girl i just got dumped. there seemed to be no real recent reasons other than after a while she considered we were incompatible.

    on an intellectual and emotional and physical level we were, but when the weekends came along i still wanted to see friends, go out, etc -- whereas she was more of the dayhike in a couple thing.

    i felt like we had each found a good level of healthy independence in the couple whereas she says that "i do my thing and she does her thing" isn't the solution she's looking for, and therein lies the incompatibility. i am 29, she's 23, and while she was still evolving, she now hints that i am the one who isn't on her level.

    that and i got the 'lazy boyfriend' speech. while im a good lover, a stand up guy, and i give a girl a lot -- she said she was hurt early on that i didn't taxi her around or do enough spontaneous things. whats strange is during this time she was really happy, and it showed, and so i can't put two and two together.

    deep down part of me still wanted a time to be single and wild before really tying it down and maybe this is the universe's way of me getting it.

    take that any way you want. i've been through enough to know that i'll be ok, but it sucks going from a relationship that on a whole was smooth and full of love to nothing. part of me feels like i failed, like i could have made the extra effort, then i look back and i was true to myself and what i want -- so maybe she was right about the incompatibility.

    cliffs: i knew what i wanted, she fell in love and adapted, eventually realized she wasn't happy with that adaptation, and left.
     
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    she was right about the incompatibility. different desires.
     
  3. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Sorry bro, but she left for no better reason. Being in a relationship with someone you don't share a certain level of compatabilty with, is like having a wisdom tooth pulled. Been there and done that.

    You'll both bounce back good as new.
     
  4. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    the part that kills me is she didn't let on to the fact that she was disappointed about certain things. and that the incompatibility just seemed to be around 'activities' and common interests, not at all in the interactions between us.
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    so you think you would have been willing to do whatever it was she wanted that you weren't doing it.
     
  6. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    Better that it ended early and you both can go back out there. There is someone out there better suited for you.

    [​IMG]

    "Why do we fall, sir? So that we might learn to pick ourselves up. "
     
  7. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Sorry to hear bro.

    If you want to possibly get back together with her in the future do not contact her at all for at least a month. Your natural urge will be to contact her and beg her to comeback, but you need to resist that.

    I just went thru an unexpected break up recently so if you want to talk you can shoot me a PM.
     
  8. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    :werd:

    And to the TS - don't underestimate how important "activity" based compatibilities are.

    That being said, :hug:
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Despite what the Vag will tell you, age IS a big deal and that's a big difference. You're most likely established in life, she's just finishing college and still finding herself and changing.

    :rofl: sounds like my psycho ex who tried to make it seem like it was my fault the relationship ended when she was the one with issues staying faithful.

    Like drive her places? :wtf: that's one of her criteria for a bf?

    If you're not spontaneous then you're not spontaneous. It's better to break up than for you to try to be really spontaneous for the sake of keeping her.

    Chicks are nuts.

    :bigthumb:
     
  10. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    no but i would have preferred to try, notice i was unhappy, instead of not being given a chance.

    part of me thought this one may have been my real match. i guess i was wrong.

    are there girls out there that can just chill and not need to spend 24/7 together on the weekend and go on day hikes and walks, etc?

    this is actually why i left my last gf. the roles were reveresed (i did the dumping) but the incompatibility around activities was the same.

    i'm a fun guy to be around, i'm not "lazy" (i've opened my own business, for ex), and i get into big projects but i def enjoy my slacking off around the house in my free time. is this somehow not ok in girl-land?
     
  11. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    wtf is a "day hike"?
     
  12. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    are you certain you are ok with it?
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    you look for an environment that cars cannot access and then pick a location that is at least 4 hours worth of a pain in the ass to reach and then agree to go to that location and back before dark.
     
  14. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    Well part of the reason to have a girlfriend or boyfriend is to spend time with them and enjoy their company. So most girls will want to spend at least one day out of the week with you, unless it's long distance or something. I'm sure there are girls more on your level though. You just have to find them. As for now, it seems to me that you would enjoy the single life.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Proof there are women who think rationally and logically.
     
  16. fray

    fray New Member

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    That's just what gets said when you are unable to give voice to the other underlying things/feelings that the obvious incompatibilities cause. I don't know if that makes sense the way I said it.
     
  17. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Definitely sounds like something I wouldn't be interested in.
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    "I expect my bf to taxi me around" is very rational :ugh2:
     
  19. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

    yeah pretty much.

    i want to spend time wiht my SO. i was seeing this one very often, prob 4-5 times a week. but in her world, weekdays are just "routine" so don't count, and when the weekend came along i wanted to see my friends too. she didn't like going out, so she'd do her thing, and i'd go out and see my friends. she let on that she was happy like this, now i'm dumped.

    go figure. this is the first time i have been let go in 8 years, it sucks.

    i feel as if she molded herself to what she thought she should be like for me without consulting with me, that she never expressed her needs even though i'm very communicative. like i never even had a chance to make a compromise.

    now if that theory is true, then she made herself my ideal girlfriend, so i was dating a dream instead of her real self (sorry if this got too deep).

    however, given what she wanted, i dont know if a compromise would ahve worked for either of us.

    i'm sad as shit. she is texting me all kinds of sweet nonsense right now (like "i'm sleeping on your pillow...")
     
  20. outlaws

    outlaws C.R.E.A.M.

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    :rofl: wat?
     
  21. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Sounds to me like you didn't manage your time right and that you ultimately choose your friends over her.
     
  22. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :wtf:
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    FYI, the weekdays do have that routine feel. That's what makes the weekend so special, and perhaps the fact that you gave the weekend to your friends and the weekdays to her was a reflection of your priorities.
     
  24. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    lmao at day walk..... dont know why but i find that funny.



    she will ask you back within a month.... maybe two tops.
     
  25. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    but isn't having a routine with someone (practically living with them) part of the picture?

    and as far as a reflection of priorities go, do you expect to give up your friends, or social group, to be in a relationship?

    its not like i ditched her the whole weekend. its like "im partying saturday night" and she'd be invited, but its not her thing, and the rest of the weekend we'd probably be doing things together. but in her mind she's like "i want to wake up at the crack of dawn and get the most out of the day"

    its just that i've been with two girls now who seem to expect to be attached at the hip 24/7 and need to do practically all activities in common.

    i love being close in a relationship, emotionally, but with a degree of independence...

    but again, i just feel cheated. she did all the changing/compromise without informing me, then decided it was over because the change was too much. i doubt it would have worked had i met her half way, but i would have liked to try.
     

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