SRS so I haven't approached a woman in almost 5 years...what's next?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by black jesus, Sep 11, 2007.

  1. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I can't make myself do it. I see a girl or girls and litterally sit around, spot all the men who are more attractive and more pumped then me, then wait around for other guys to go talk to the women so I can leave. I like this tactic because it spares me the shame of either the women rejecting me, the men cutting in and taking over because they have more social value than me, but most importantly it stops the shame.

    I stopped approaching women because I'm not good at it. I can't go up to women and act fake, like some mack daddy fucktard. I know being a fucktard works, but I can't do it...even if the outcome is a certainty.

    What should I do? I don't know if I really want to go the rest of my life alone. Right now I pretty much never vary from cardio->work->gym->dinner->sleep, and don't know that I want to.

    I don't know what you're supposed to go up to women and say. I don't even fucking know them. When I go into meetings and high pressure shit at work, at least I know what I'm talking about. I can't really go into a sittuation with women expecting a mentality where they know all the stupid lines and tactics are a mission to woo them, because they either aren't that smart or if they did notice the garbage, they wouldn't respect me for it.

    The whole process and mentality is a waste of time. I wish it could go like this"Hi, here is all the bullshit about me like what I like to do in my spare time, you're hot...if you're willing to bang me an are willing to spend time with me doing things that no woman really wants to do (like go to the racetrack, cook, watch showtime) then I could probably keep you around for a while." I've had the chance to get laid like 3 times in the past 3 years. I mean chance in terms of; we're both naked, but I don't really want to deal with the pressure of doing a better job than the last dude and what if I make a porno face, and the chick makes fun of me?

    cliffs: I'm a happy person.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    no no and no. My neighbour is handicapped, he's in a wheelchair because of a serious motor accident, so you got a man here who is physically disabled, and not much muscle tissue as a result of being in a wheelchair, but still he managed to find a wonderfull girl after his accident, he got married and has a kid now. What im saying here is that personality is much more important then physical appearance. If men were supposed to look beautifull they would have a nice smooth skin,breasts and a pussy just like a girl, but were not so we have to bring other traits,namely our personality traits to light when it comes to dating. So lets have a look at your current self.

    No action = no reaction. Doing nothing results in nothing,if you decide to run a marathon , you hear the pistol shot, and as everyone is running exept you, your standing still thinking by yourself 'the likelyhood that im going to win is zero, so why should i bother to run at all?'. Everyone finishes exept you. The end conclusion = you finish last.

    compared to

    If you had started running , you 'might' at least had a chance,

    The problem is your over-analyzing and your doom thinking. A seed cannot grow if you do not give it a chance. How can it grow if your stamping on the ground with your negativity, pushing and smacking each and every effort of this plant to grow back into the ground?

    Or in other words, negativity leads to nowhere. You have to row with the paddles that you've been given in life. Can a farmer expect a harvest if he doesn't even bother to sow seeds in the ground?

    The whole problem is that you give a damn. Simply don't care if she asks you out or not, go into a conversation simply with the aim to gain experience, don't go into the conversation with the expectation of her having a sexual interest in you or asking you out. Imagine yourself the worst case scenario, you undress yourself naked in front of the ladies and your friends, and scream like a madman, they might think your crazy, but you will survive , so stop being your own worst enemy, and listen to this.

    There are only three directions in life, down where death lies, stay where you are and go in circles, or up where an improved life lies ahead, the first 2 are worthless and lead to nowhere, this is important because it means you can set the course of your life, to the only direction that is valuable ,namely upwards towards into progress. It doesn't matter from there on wether you win or lose in life, you simply keep on following the positive course, that way you can ALWAYS be confident no matter what happens, because you know that going for gold in your life is the only right way to live.

    If change was just a thought, then anyone could do it. But reality is that you can't just sit around feeling miserable for yourself and the situation you are in while being punched in the face by the reality of life. Those thoughts of change, can't become real if you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself, if you want to change then why would you stay in a state of paralyzation? If that happens it means you do not want to change, you are simply waiting for the world and people to change around you as you see fit, therefore

    Without walking, there's no way to move forward, you'll just end up waiting.

    So listen to my advice, just put your mind on zero. And start talking to them. It might even relax you.
     
  3. scolls

    scolls New Member

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    I also seem to have this problem. I just can't walk up to a random woman and start talking.
     
  4. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    do you know when I did a seminar for a few days to see how PUA work and such the main goal WAS to get rejected because rejection and enough of it will develop an immunity. And lets face it 90% of the men who CAN'T approach is because they FEAR rejection.

    However it really all stems back to insecurity.

    unfortunately only you can fix it man. nobody said you had to be a fucktard fake guy. what's wrong with saying hello? start small, but also look for IOI's to reduce the chance of rejection.

    If a girl glances at you and holds your glance for more than 2 seconds that girl is into you. its a subtle sign.. just walk up slowly and approach.

    "hey I was just about to leave the mall, but I wanted to say hi"

    if all she says is "oh hi" with no smiles or anything

    Just ask for her name and politely eject.

    EDIT : Some of you should read my blog, while i'm not Spaming it or plugging it, the choice is up to you.. just click on my name and the link is in my profile. Knowledge is contagious and eventully you'll find your way to it. as soon as you start on the road to becomeing the best man you can be, and wanting to change your life around.
     
  5. Every girl I talk to for 30 minutes I ask if she's in a relationship, then she says yes she is in one :(

    I guess it's better than asking "would you like to go out?" Hurr
     
  6. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    your not qualifying enough. And probably not creating enough attraction. The "boyfriend" is most of the time a defense and not a reality. And since your talking to these women for 30 minutes I can only assume its small talk.

    tell me if I hit it one more than one point.

    1. Your small talk consist of events
    2. Your not Neg hitting (dropping negative comments in a joking manner)
    3. Your not touching her. During or before the attempted pick up. (if she says something that's funny, kinda give her a nudge while your laughing)
    4. you aren't focused on her, your just talking


    picking up girls is about eliciting attraction within a short amount of time.. you should be able to attract a woman within 2 minutes of the pickup if its not going anywhere by 5 minutes. just leave.
     
  7. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I completely agree with this. Being rejected isn't the worst thing in the world. Most of the time you'll never see the person again so you can literally forget it as soon as it happens. Talk to girls, flirt a little, and then move on if you don't get a good vibe back. No big deal.

    The biggest thing is just being comfortable with yourself. Don't let the other person make or break you. Be happy on your own and people will be drawn to you.
     
  8. Okay I guess I'll just suicide then
     
  9. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I really hate to go speak to a woman, have her make a fool of me in front of everyone, and then I can never show my face there again. Besides, why would she want to hear anything I have to say? I know nothing about her, she knows nothing about me, what do we have to talk about?
     
  10. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    hmmm keyboard jockey bullshit huh?

    i dunno if that's the case.. take what i say with a grain of salt it really doesn't matter without intresting things to talk about you won't get anywhere. i mean common sense would tell you that if you approch a girl and have nothing to say but a lot of "uhh's" and "ummm's" she's gonna tell you to hit the road.

    that's like telling a PUA that he sucks at what he does best :hsugh:

    EDIT: Also keyboard jockeys brag about how many girls they get with i've never once said that i get insane ammounts of chicks and bang broads left and right. There's no need i'm just inputing what's worked for me and in general what works best.
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2007
  11. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    A women, or anyone for that matter, can only make a fool out of you if you let them. You have to be confident in yourself no matter what someone else says or does. It doesn't matter what some girl says. Even if some chick completely mocks you up and down (which they won't), if you play it off and don't care, she can't make a fool out of you. Don't ever give anyone else the power to decide where you can and can't show your face, especially someone you don't even know.

    If you're having trouble finding things to talk about, you need to try to instigate conversations based on things you have in common. Even if you've only made eye contact with someone it's possible to find a small thing in common you can talk about.

    For example:
    You're standing at a bar and you hear the girl next to you order a screwdriver. You make eye contact, smile and say, "What is it with girls and screwdrivers? That's all my sister orders but I can't stand them." (Say this with a positive joking tone, and not a critical one of course). Worst case scenario she responds with something like, "I don't know, I just like them I guess." To which you could say (smiling/joking again), "Well I guess I can't argue with that logic. I'm black jesus by the way." She would then introduce herself and you could keep the conversation going by telling her that even though you think they're way too girlie, you'd be happy to buy her the next one since she has obviously out-witted you. Worst thing that can happen is she says "No, thanks" and you haven't lost anything. Best case scenario she would have responded to your earlier question in a must more friendly/flirty way and you talk more.

    If it doesn't go well you really don't lose anything.

    If you really aren't comfortable starting conversations like that, try meeting people in situations you're more comfortable with, like going out with friends and having them bring people you don't know. It's much easier to meet others if you have a friend who introduces you and can help spark a conversation. I know of more people in successful relationships who met their SO through friends than those who met them randomly at a bar.
     
  12. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    Thanks, that almost sounds like a possibility, but I'll never be in a sittuation like that. I still don't see why that woman won't blow me off immediately when its obvious that I'm pulling some bullshit to hit on her. I don't know how to stage it so the don't see that I'm setting them up in a trap to speak to me.

    Its worse with friends around. Then, I'm pressured to perform, perform well, and then they'll be critical of me every step of the way.
     
  13. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    Its kinda like people who speak to each other, ask "how are you doing," and talk to the clerk at the retail establishment. No one cares!!! Why speak to these people? You don't care how they're doing, you don't want the real response, I'm not going to tell you how I'm doing because if I did you'd freak out, and I'm pretty sure the person working the cash register doesn't give a fuck about how nice it is outside because they're stuck inside, and ugly.
     
  14. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You are seriously over thinking this. Just say hi and be friendly. Don't add all the "dating" shit on top of it.

    Have you ever had someone say hello to you?? Was it really annoying?? Sure sometimes it can be but very often you just gotta say something to get the ball rolling. Stop worrying about what anyone else thinks about what you say....NEWSFLASH, you aren't that important and we really don't give a shit. Wanna know why??? Cuz WE are more important than YOU are so we're too consumed with our own shit to give a fuck about you. (except here where we really do care) :)

    Also...don't make it a goal to get a date. Just make it a goal to speak to X number of women.
     
  15. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    Yes, it does annoy me when people "ask me how I'm doing" and expect me to give them some rosy bullshit..."fantesticle!!!" I've always thought you should say "hi" then walk the fuck off because "we don't really give a fuck about each other. You just spoke to me because you're too insecure to make akward eye contact and fucking leave."

    I'm not so worried that everyone is concerned with me, I'm more afraid of being humiliated by women for sport. Every time I've spoken to a woman its felt like I'm saying, "Hi, I'm retarded poseur dude. Let's have a conversation about a bunch of shit we both know is bullshit becuase you don't know who the fuck I am, nor do you care. However I think you're hot and because I'm a guy you can mock me after you embarass me into leaving because I'm either too poor or too ugly for you...or maybe its just because I drive a subaru, and not something italian."

    Obviously, I'm incredibly pessimistic.
     
  16. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Wrong...I just spoke to you because I'm a friendly person and enjoy talking to other people....even if it's just saying hi.
    Yes you are...you admitted it in the first post...and this next part about being humiliated wouldn't be an issue if you really weren't worried what everyone would think about you.

    Stop lying to yourself man. You're VERY affected by what others think of you.....it's a common element in your posts.
    You're saying that because that's what you say about others that talk to you. Great....change that shit or you'll be a lonely dude. And yes, you can change it if you want to but IMO you sound like you'd rather be a pissed off, judgmental asshole to everyone that even says hello to you. That's fine but make no mistake about it....that's a choice you are consistently making. You can make a different choice if you want to.....until then....you'll just complain.
    I think you're more lazy and judgmental....but whatever label works for you is fine with me. The real question is.....do you want to change?? Really change....not just sit on OT and talk about change.

    If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got. It is 100% within your power to change your miserable life....but only you can do it.
     
  17. I guess I'll just meet someone when I'm 65 and my penis doesn't work anymore lol :rolleyes:
     
  18. Swedish Boost

    Swedish Boost New Member

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    Is it possible that someone is more pessimistic than me? Lighten up man. Maybe you should try the bullshit conversation stuff and see where it gets you. God knows I need to.
     
  19. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    So how do you guys deal with women making a fool of you? Like, how fucking terrible is it for these women to deal with some asshole, fuckface like me speaking to them? I really don't think I can do this anymore.
     
  20. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    Are you depressed? You sound really unhappy/pessimistic, hopeless, etc.
     
  21. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I've had a pretty shitty attitude since I was about 10 years old. I thought about suicide constantly until about 2 years ago.


    I'm pretty pessimistic and hopeless, but its just my personality. I don't know any other way. Its just the way I am. I'm really freaking out about women because as of 2 weeks ago, I've gone the longest in my life without sex. Physically I look exponentially better than every before, but something is wrong with me more thane ever.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2007
  22. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    If you're doing the exact same thing every day I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. Do you really have that same routine every day or were you just exaggerating?
     
  23. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    If I'm simply saying, "Hi, how are you?" and she doesn't answer or says something dismissive like "fine" then she hasn't made a fool out of me. If I'm more bold and start talking about some casual subject and she isn't receptive, she still hasn't made a fool of me. If she looks at her g/f and starts to giggle and walk off....OMG!! What will I ever do?? lol she still hasn't made a fool of me. Her loss man...I'm a good catch and she an idiot for not realizing that.
    Most girls don't think in the terms you do. That's where you're perceptions are all wrong. You think that the way you treat others is the norm. Hell you even called me insecure cuz I had the odacity to say hello. :rofl:

    My god man....why don't you realize that the way you treat people is fucked up and it's not normal?? Most people are much more forgiving and accepting of other people than you are.
    Do what?? Sit on OT and not change??

    So what you'd rather kill yourself than change or even try something different?? Great...that takes real courage man.

    Like I said before, you can fix all this shit but it's up to you to take responsibility for the change. Most people are too lazy. Guess what...change ain't easy and that's why most ppl are lazy and lead lives of quiet desperation.

    Choosing to do nothing is still a choice.
     
  24. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    coottie really drives it home, only you can change yourself obviously you don't want to change. When you do you'll know because things will just be coming out of your mouth to random women that you have no idea where it came from.

    And that's not a joke, when that starts happening stick with it because that's you trying to come out of your shell.
     
  25. Maximumjmz

    Maximumjmz New Member

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    I have the same mentality to the OP as well as this one. At work I honestly do not really care about my co-workers. I really do not want to say hi to them every morning and start the small "how are you 2 min conversation." But I do it out of courtesy. In reality I just want to avoid that, do my job, make money and go home.
     

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