So i have no clue how to talk to women anymore

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Mortixer, Jun 12, 2009.

  1. Mortixer

    Mortixer New Member

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    im only 22 but ive spent the last 4 1/2 years in a serious relationship where i was living with the girl for 3 1/2 years. After she dumped me i realized i have almost no freinds and have no clue how to approach women. I have no self confidence and its really depressing. The very few situaitons ive been in to speak to a girl i feel like an idiot and am afraid of making a fool of myself. How am i supposed to convince a girl im worth her time if i dont even beleive it.
     
  2. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    You're not. Stay the fuck away from women and relationships right now. Get a damn hobby and socialize with men.
     
  3. Mortixer

    Mortixer New Member

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    umm 1 why and 2 i have almost no guy freinds either and they all seem to never have time to hang out. How the fuck does one go about getting new guy freinds that arnt through work or school without seeming gay? Thats why i loved the movie i love you man because that whole situation seems akward as fuck.
     
  4. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Work on your inner self first. One you develop yourself (likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc.) you will become more confident and thus women will be more interested in you. After you become confident in yourself, you will realize it doesn't matter what you say, just how you say it and how you act that will attract women.

    Hang out with friends and work on your social life and the women will come.
     
  5. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    A guy who just got out of a long distance relationship with no friends?

    Not particularly attractive to women, unless they are looking for a loner with no social value. The only compatible type would be a clingy needy woman with no friends/social value as well.

    Build social value and make friends. Build confidence/relieve stress by working out. Check out the fitness forum, or get a personal trainer.

    Do what you always wanted to do. I always waliked guns, so i joined a forum dedicated to blakc rifles, got involved with local shooting sports, and found OT's WMD after meeting a few people (small world). Shooting is interesting in that only old retired people, or young/crazy people really get into it. So it's more of a side hobby for me

    Like beer? Consider homebrewing and going to beer festivals.

    Cars are a good way to meet young people, but i don't particularly like Seattle's car scene. Too many sexual frustrated nerds, but they make good trial horses. If you can't make friends with these guys, well, you must really suck.

    The music scene is the easiest way to get into a social scene with a good mix of boys/girls... and learning about music and artists isn't really particularly hard.

    Anyway, you're not really fleshed out as a person since you became part of a clingy, self contained couple. The healthy thing to do is to develop yourself as a person before even considering jumping into a relationship. Don't be a serial monogamist unable to survive without a relationship.
     
  6. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Hobbies, not hard to make friends that enjoy what you enjoy... assuming that it is a social activity/sport.

    Picking up male friends at a bar or something... yeah.. that'd be awkward as fuck and kinda wrong.
     
  7. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    get out and do something

    checkout meetup.com and whatever on the internet and find out what people are doing that works with your interest or hobbies. if you don't have any interests or hobbies, find someone that look interesting and check it out.
     
  8. XxvODvxX

    XxvODvxX New Member

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    build yourself work on the rest later
     
  9. Mortixer

    Mortixer New Member

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    well i already have established things i like but i run into the problem that i have my entire life and its that i dont fit in. Like ever. even with groups of people who like the same things as me i never just become part of a group of friends. I never understood why it just never happened. Which makes it difficult because i never fit into certain groups so im kind of an outcast to every group of people. So girls of different styles and looks and such dont see me as compatible. The last girl i dated worked because she was very much of the same had almost no freinds never really seemed to fit in ect ect. So thats my problem with that and the other thing.

    I have tons of hobbies i just find that most things im interested in are kinda turn offs to girls like video games, comic books, longboarding, im a huge beer enthusiast. Ive been working on myself for the last month becuase it ended a little over a month ago. Ive been looking for a new apartment, I have a new job.
     
  10. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    get a life first, then worry about girls. Seriously. There are other socially awkward people. make friends with them. there is no excuse for not being able to find a friend or two if you actually put in some effort.

    the kind of girls that won't be concerned that you have no friends and no life are the girls you don't want.
     
  11. Mortixer

    Mortixer New Member

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    Yea thats actually something i really need is more freinds i find my current but small group of freinds just seem to not be the kind of friends i want anymore. Theres a reason there all single have been for years and dont know any attractive women.
     
  12. Mortixer

    Mortixer New Member

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    yeah i completely agree that i need to work on my social life i just have no clue how to go about it. I hate where i live its shitty and i have met very few people that are worth the effort to even speak too.
     
  13. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    +1

    Social skills are SKILLS, they can be learned and acquired by anyone.

    If you REALLY need to start at square one, read the classic "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale fucking Carnegie. He wrote that shit in 1930, and serial killers/weirdos/loners all over the world have used that book to learn how to fit in with normal people.

    You may also want to consider moving to a more active location. Seattle's full btw.
     
  14. Mortixer

    Mortixer New Member

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    well moving is easier said than done i dont have a ton of money and i dont own a car because i have always been broke. Not to mention i dont have a college education. I took some time off from school because i had no clue what i wanted to do and plan on going back in the fall. Im going for culinary so its not like its gonna take me 4 years before i get out of school.
     
  15. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    I just moved someplace new (nyc) not long ago.

    I went on meetup.com and found a once a week bar meetup for locals around the corner from my place. nice place to meet the neighbors and get new friends.

    I found the local club for my car and started attending events. I met a few good friends through here and we do tech days, bbq's, cruises, etc. One of these guys turns out to skateboard, so now Ive got him as a skating friend and he knows other skaters.

    Another friend I just met at a bar. somehow surfing came up and we were both really into it so we are surfing and drinking buddies now.

    one night I was supposed to go to this party, but it was half kids i dont like... I wasnt about to sit home on saturday night, so just posted "who's my age, reasonably cool, and wants to go get a drink and hit on chicks?" on craigslist and made a good new drinking & skirt chasing buddy.

    I know that wasnt anything you didnt already know, but i just wanted to give you concrete examples.

    Its not that hard just put in some persistent effort. not every try you make will pan out. thats fine. keep trying.
     
  16. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    Then make the best out of your situation, and use this time as a single guy to develop yourself.

    Only kinda joking about that Dale Carnegie book btw. If you really think you need to start from square 1...

    My dad is a electrical engineer Ph.D, my mom is an executive at a (former) investment bank. They both weren't strong on social skills, so i had to learn them myself.
     
  17. Mortixer

    Mortixer New Member

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    yeah see that another worry i have. My dad is married to my step mom and they both work at the same place have all the same freinds which are ALL from work and when my step mom isnt around my dad just doesnt do anything. I do not want to be like that i do not want my entire life to revolve around a girl. Even so im not looking for a immediate new relationship far from it ive already lost being single and dating from 18-now i wanna date alot and have alot of new exepreinces. thanks for the meetup.com thought that actually will help.
     
  18. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    focus on yourself
     
  19. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    When you get to a state of having confidence, the biggest factor in talking to women, it's not hard.

    You approach them, don't seem creepy, point out something you like about her. Try and make it like the way she does her hair, or how she's dressed, or... something that isn't obvious. Eyes... she doesn't have to work on those, she was born with them. If you point out something that they worked on, they tend to like it more. Plus then you can get them talking about something you don't give a shit about, like how they did or where they get their hair done.

    After that, it's just a matter of repeatedly approaching them and getting to know them. It works better if you see them on a somewhat regular basis. After getting to know them a bit. Find something to tease them about and just become a straight up ass. For some reason they'll love you for it. Then you're in. Just keep doing what you're doing, talking to them, only throw in more physical contact. If she likes you, you'll know it (usually... sometimes they're "obvious" hints really aren't so obvious).
     
  20. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    It's really fucking simple:

    1. Stay the fuck away from women and relationships right now.
    2. Get a damn hobby and socialize with men.

    It's really that simple. I could have gone on a whole rant about how you need to focus on yourself and have a life, but instead I distilled it down to two easy to accomplish goals. Stay the fuck away from women and relationships. Get a hobby and socialize with men. Quit making excuses and just fucking do it and you'll be fine OR keep whining and do nothing and stay exactly where you are. The choice is yours.
     
  21. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Yeah definitely get a hobby.

    Go to the gym or take up dance lessons.

    I wish I had more spare time I would definitely love to learn how to salsa dance or swing dance.

    Join a club. There's so many kickball leagues out there, dodgeball, softball.

    Don't just mope around on a msg board, be proactive and take control of your life.
     
  22. Mortixer

    Mortixer New Member

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    1 you could be a tad less harsh 2 my difficulty is going about finding new freinds because i have tons of hobbies i just dont have onyone to socially interact with that relates to these hobbies. I just joined a bunch of groups on meetup.com not its matter of hopefully some people that show up to the events are actually somewhat near my age and are interested in becoming freinds.
     
  23. Mortixer

    Mortixer New Member

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    i already have a gym membership but its at a place iwent to with my ex gf. I have used my step bros guest pass twice for the ymca and i plan on joining when i get my next paycheck. I figure i can take some classes there and ive been really focused on loosing weight and getting into better shape. When i was in the relationship i kinda let myself go but since then ive lost 10 pounds from working out( where i live right now has some exercise equitment to use but not much but i use it as much as i can when i cant goto the gym)
     
  24. GTP

    GTP New Member

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    People have said it before, you really need to work on your man-relationships and yourself before you jump back into the dating scene.
     
  25. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    sounds like you just need some man love bro
     

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