So, I have a situation (pre-relationship)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by pdawg23, Aug 29, 2008.

  1. pdawg23

    pdawg23 New Member

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    I'm kinda confused on this one guys..need some input and help
    so,
    I've always been known as a "playa" by most of my friends and acquaintances. I liked this when I was in HS, but now I'm older and don't really like that.
    I've matured a lot in the past 2-3 years, and even had a long-term relationship which I never had ever before..(all hook-ups, dates, "relationships" not lasting more than 2-3 weeks). And of course I dumped them all or stopped talking to them.
    Anyhow, this is the background and I'm not saying anything that's not true because I want your best advice.

    so,
    I met a girl recently and to be honest, I thought it was kinda special. The reason being because I haven't been attracted to this type of girl much before. I wouldn't say ever, but definitely not "my type". But the start was very good and she showed a lot of interest, probably a little too much. I responded the same because I didn't wanna make her feel like she's the only one doing everything.
    This went on for like 2 weeks and during this time we talked a lot and got to know each other a bit.
    and then like a week ago, BOOM it was all different.
    she'd show sadness if I didn't call/text for a day, but now she wasn't texting me (only responding) and would occasionally not return calls, etc.
    I guess I'm too proud to do anything more than she does because of my background, etc. so I don't show like I'm worried about it and stuff.
    One thing that's kind of bothering me is the fact that I told her about my past a bit, cause I thought honesty really works well in a relationship and I think she kinda got disappointed at that, but this was in the beginning when everything was good.

    What can the reasons be?
    I think this could be a good thing or a bad thing.

    Good- she wants to really test me thinking if this is to work out, then she better get to know me well now.
    maybe she's really having issues right now with other things.

    Bad- thought it would be better to cut it off here because of various reasons.
    found another guy (i think very unlikely)
    or all of a sudden stopped liking me? (i think this is very weird because she's the opposite of slutty and a player)

    I know it's way too long to read but I've never been in this kind of situation before so I need your help guys.
    really appreciate whoever read all this crap.
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Mixed signals are bullshit.

    If a woman is interested in you she will make herself very available for you.

    Any mixed signals means she has a low interest.

    The reason for mixed signals doesn't matter. "i'm afraid of getting hurt/don't want to be in a relationship right now/whatever" are all bullshit. If she was interested in you she would make herself available.

    Find another girl. This one will be nothing but drama if you get into a relationship with her.
     
  3. XxvODvxX

    XxvODvxX New Member

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    Drama, get out now.
     
  4. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    Next time you are going to see her make sure to kind of have a sit down talk about how you feel about her and all that. Im sure she is a bit tenitive about really liking you as you have told her about your past. If you talk to her and let her know that your really like her im sure she will let you know where she stands. Yes, you are going to be exposed to possible hurt in steping up and putting yourself out there but you just need to ask yourself if the risk is worth it. If not call it quits and move on. Good luck hope it all works out.

    Your so lucky i read the whole thing...:mamoru:
     
  5. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    I'm weary of players, ex players or not. If I found out a guy had a player past early on before I was actually fairly emotionally invested, I wouldn't lose all interest in him necessarily... but I would definitely take a step back to consider all things, and play things very safe. I don't think I'd get to the point of considering him relationship material though :dunno:
     
  6. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    Also, I think there is a HUGE difference between someone who has dated around a lot [casually or serious]/slept with x amount of people [whether that's people they are dating, or even ONS], and what a "player" is.
     
  7. pdawg23

    pdawg23 New Member

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    thanks guys for all the advice..i just wanted to see other people's opinion..
    special thanks to da ladies who put in thoughtful advices..I think u ladies r right..She's only had a couple of dates and a long term relationship all her life so I really doubt she shows interest to ppl easily and gets tired of them? i don't think that's a possibility here.
    Ahh..I think I played this one a little bad..:(
    man i'm disappointed at myself for making some mistakes dealing with this girl.
    I just didn't worry about much because she showed too much interest and thought it was a done deal.
    and Alaya i understand u being very hesitant of dating ex-players, but i found myself not being able to help it. I've gotten better, but it really is tough to control this issue..I would like to get out of it too
     
  8. pdawg23

    pdawg23 New Member

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    i will try to keep u guys updated but i think i decided not to talk to her at all for a bit, and then let her think and realize that she misses me and has feelings towards me and then BOOM move in with some special event. ;)
    i think that's my plan for now, it can change depending on her
     
  9. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    how old are you two ?
     
  10. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    So Alaya then a guy that has slept with lets say 20 girls but dated most all of them in some way would be BF material, and a guy that had slept with 20 girls but most were hook ups and only a few were ones he dated he would not be BF material?
     
  11. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    Reread what I wrote, exactly.


    Nope, that's not at all what I'm saying, pretty much the opposite actually... Hence why I said "whether it's people they were dating, or even ONS [one night stands]." This implies that both parties involved know what's going on, and it is what it is.

    The difference between the two, a "player" as you will, is a player is a type that is deceitful and "plays" people. Hence, the term "player." That's why I said, a number of how many people a person has slept with is fairly mutually exclusive from "player" status.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2008
  12. pdawg23

    pdawg23 New Member

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    early twenties..
    and by ur definition (which i think pretty accurate) alaya, I haven't been "playing" since like HS graduation..in the past 3-4 years, I'd fall into the dating and ONS. What does this make me? i'm at least improving right? lol
     

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