so I have a debt... should she help pay it? (she suggested this)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by multiplexor, Dec 31, 2007.

  1. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

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    I'm not the type to say, hey, we're in a relationship now... want to help me pay my debts...

    however... I screwed myself over last year, and got myself in a 25k debt...

    So now... every month i'm loseing 610$ from my paycheck to nothing, paying this back....

    we've been together roughly a year now...

    She... wants to sell her car, and pay off my debt with her money. a debt which i had before getting into the relationship...

    What should I do? Do I agree? Sure it would be nice for it to be gone...
    But it's my responsability....

    In return, she asked to be able to goto school fulltime to do a psychology type degree... once all debts are cleared... (my extra 610 a month would carry her for a while...)

    anywho... any feedback will be helpfull :p

    Thanks guys :big grin:
     
  2. frpSpore

    frpSpore New Member

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    Sounds like plan. Spending the same amount of money for something positive beats paying out the ass for nothing. However, you should probably dicsuss a contingency plan just in case you two ever break up. Or you could just stop paying and screw her over. I don't know how nice you are.
     
  3. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

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    hehe naw, i'm extremely fair and very nice... However bad the breakup, I couldn't do something like not paying someone back... oddly enough... lol

    but yeah.. assuming there was a breakup, I would stop payments on her schooling, but I would still find a way to give her back the money she helped pay my debts off with.
     
  4. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

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    I just feel like... If I went into a relationship, and had to pay off someones debt, then i'd be a bit upset...

    I guess the difference is that she wants to, while I would be more against it if i HAD to pay it off... instead of mearly wanting to help out...

    Basically saying: You shouldn't have to pay for others stupidities (in this case, mine... lol )
     
  5. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    I think you're still fresh enough in the relationship where your problems, financially, are still your problems.

    I don't think it'll benefit you guys in any form of way by her inheriting, or moreso helping you with your debt. I wouldn't generally make it a big issue, but, if the girl plans on selling her car, you should easily be able to see the future-runoff problems from that... Too much to handle, if you ask me.
     
  6. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    If you do anything with money before being married, make sure all the terms are laid out in writing and signed by both of you! You are not married to this person, and getting your finances tangled is a horrible idea. It CAN work out great in the end...it usually doesnt. BE CAREFUL AND GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    don't do this. All you will be doing is transferring your debt from the people you owe know, to owing her. And then what happens if things go badly and the relationship ends? She's got this huge "You owe me" card to play.

    And she wants to just sell her car out of the blue? Is she going to be getting a new car? She'll just b giving up her own form of independent transportation?

    It just sounds foolish for both of you if you do this.
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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  9. BornToFly

    BornToFly New Member

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    I would never allow someone else to pay or help pay for my mistakes.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I'm pretty disgusted with the fact that you are even considering this. I'm more annoyed that she is so ignorant.

    You got yourself into this mess, you need to get yourself out of it. I don't care if you've been together a year. You could break up in 3 months after she's sold her car to help pay off your debts and then she is fucked. Yes, it was her dumb decision but she's just being ridiculously generous and caring.

    Do her a favor and tell her thanks but no thanks, you will take care of it. And take care of it.
     
  11. Mr. Bungle

    Mr. Bungle *lube'n up the shock paddles*

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    No. Bad. Unless you're gonna marry her before she pays off the debt.
     
  12. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Tying together finances is a HORRIBLE FUCKING IDEA
    it puts extra strain on the relationship, and pressure on her.
    Chances are you'll breakup, and she'll have herself in a really shitty situation, and you'll be forced to stay in contact with an ex over your debt.
    Don't transfer debt to someone you're dating, ever.
     
  13. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    lol id let her pay your debt. but i wouldnt let her live with me
     
  14. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I don't think it's that bad of an idea. If anyone gets screwed here it would be her. It's not like she's just paying it off for nothing, she's getting school out of it. If you do it though you should definitely write up some kind of contract for repayment.
     
  15. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    everyone says that, lol.



    every time i've loaned a bf a sum of money, i never saw it again. took a few times for me to finally realize to put foot down on that issue. bad idea, she'll hold it over your head, it will build resentment, you'll be her little bitch cause she bailed you out. and that's IF you guys stay together. sell your car?
     
  16. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    Only way to learn from your mistakes is to pay for them, literally.

    Having some other innocent person pay for your mistakes is morally wrong and will just reinforce that you can mess up and not be penalized for it.

    You made the hole yourself, now grab a shovel.
     
  17. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    I don't think you should let her pay it in any way.

    I do think that you should look into debt consolidation by a reputable company and see if you can get a lower interest rate or lower monthly payments.

    But you should pay for it all on your own.
     
  18. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Tell her to sell off the car and use it to fund her school tuition.

    Man up and pay your own debts.
     
  19. -lo-lo-

    -lo-lo- New Member

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    if you guys arnt married i think its a pretty bad idea..
    and if you did break up you'd be right back where you started with the same amount of debt just needing to be paid to her..would prob cause a lot of drama you dont need.
     
  20. f00l

    f00l Active Member

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    no bad idea


    if you guys have a bad break up expect to be in court with her telling the judge that you promised to pay her back
     
  21. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    .

    They are your mistakes, you fix them.

    If she wants to go to school she can do that without paying off your debt. Hell, she could still sell her car and work part time (depending how good/bad her car is) and still go to school.

    I NEVER mix relationships/friendships and money as it almost always fucks things up or changes them in a bad way. The only time I ever "lend" money to someone is if I don't expect to get it back and it's a small amount of cash.
     
  22. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Yeah, because there are a lot of people in this thread who don't see this for what it is: A HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE AND A TERRIBLE IDEA, let me just take the time to reiterate how foolish it is for you to do something like this.

    Do what you want, but I'm telling you this will change the whole dynamic of the relationship. You want to know why? Because you'll feel obligated to her. If you become unhappy in the relationship you are going to feel GUILTY for wanting to break up with her. Do you want that guilt hanging over you? Do you want to feel obligated to her?

    THIS WOULD BE A HUGE. MISTAKE. HUGE. HUGE. HUGE.

    I want to drive that point home so that you don't get lulled in by the other people saying it's a decent idea. ;)
     
  23. eof

    eof New Member

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    If you go ahead with this you should create a personal loan contract and the terms of the contract should be something which you would both be comfortable with regardless of whether you were dating or not. (e.g. agree on payment amount, agree on interest rate, agree on grace periods for missed payments, etc)

    But yeah this is stupid....:hs:

    Edit: The advantage of such a situation is that the amount you are paying in interest is now staying within your "household" and not going to the bank. I am sure you could get a better rate with your GF than a bank too.
     
  24. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    im not gonna lie, id make the contract clear that its a forgivable loan and all payments could stop at any moment if she did this for me. i wouldnt want to end up in court after that
     
  25. DvBoard

    DvBoard New Member

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    :bowdown:Best advice in thread.
     

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