SRS so i finally asked a girl out v.first time

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by We_Todd, Jun 5, 2006.

  1. We_Todd

    We_Todd I'm a naughty squirrel.

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    UPDATE: so i finally asked a girl out v.first time

    finally grew balls and asked a co worker out. :o

    basically went up to her and asked when her next day off is and if she had plans. she says she never has plans. so i asked... and got the lunch date. i'm planning to pick her up @ her place and go out and get lunch.

    but wtf do I do from there. never done this even though i'm in my late 20's. :hs:

    other than the get to know the other person chit chat blah blah...

    let's say the lunch goes good.... would it be too soon to ask her for a real date at the end of lunch or when ever i drop her off? what to do? HELP! :noes:
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2006
  2. HyPE

    HyPE ::OTTC Crew #2839::

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    despite being high, that was some good advice, lol :)

    oh, and to the thread starter: just relax man. take it easy, and she's probably nervous too, so if she see's that you are relaxed, she may also calm down and be herself.

    wait to see how the initial date goes before going further. if you notice signs that she is genuinely into you, then go ahead and ask her out for a real date.

    have a good time man
     
  3. scribblec

    scribblec New Member

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    whatever u do dont ask her out at the end of ur date :S if it goes good go for a kiss close then a few days later call and be like the other day was fun this saturday we are going to blah blah blah, this way your TELLING her what to do and by doing this being THE man
     
  4. We_Todd

    We_Todd I'm a naughty squirrel.

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    this whole thing started when i kinda came to work high. :o talked to her but don't remember what was said. all i remember was she was smiling and laughing.



    basically the day that i asked her.. it was more like

    "hey, when is your next day off, because I'm going to take you out to lunch."

    she agreed and said "sure, it's a date then"

    :wiggle:
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Read this advice: From www.friendzoned.com

     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    that is an excellent guide ^^^ Read it over several times before going out with her.


    As for the correct timing to ask for a real date:
    1) you haven't even gone out with her yet and you already come off sounding just a little desperate.

    2) by 3/4 of the way through lunch you should already know the vibe you're getting from her. Still, given #1, why don't you save the question for after lunch, when you're dropping her off.

    3) have a backup plan for something to do immediately after lunch just in case things go really well and she suggests you two keep hanging out.


    Here's a sample itinerary:
    Pick her up at 11:45. You should already have a basic sense of her vibe at 11:46
    Lunch at 12. You both order. This is a light lunch, don't go splashing your money around.
    Be polite to the wait staff. Like a Man. Not a punk.
    Light talk, some laughter, smiles, and maybe a little flirtation (you hope)
    12:45, you've been with her for an hour or so. You should have a good sense of interest or disinterest by now.
    Lunch is over at 1. Check comes, you continue with your conversation uninterrupted.
    She may reach for the check. I always find that interesting.
    Hopefully you've picked a nice place, near some interesting shops or museums or galleries. (substitute with whatever is appropriate for your tastes)
    Now's a good time for a leisurely stroll to talk about the things two people talk about when they're into each other. Nearby coffee shops are handy.
    Eventually you find your way back to the car.

    If the two of you really dig each other, it'll be like you somehow floated back there. She will no doubt readily agree to see you again.

    good luck
     
  7. We_Todd

    We_Todd I'm a naughty squirrel.

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    lunch went great. dropped her off, she initiated the hug. told her we'll talk tomorrow at work.

    3 hrs later i get txt saying she had good time and we'll need to do it again.

    wtf do i text back? :eek3:
     
  8. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I honestly don't think women get nervous when they go on dates, unless it's someone they're really crushing on. After all, they hold the ace of spades and they know it.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Keep the texting down to a minimum. Tell her it was fun and that you will do it again soon. That's it.
     
  10. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    She hugged you? That can be interpreted a few different ways. You need to find out how she likes you; if she's open to some suggestion, it's a much more promising sign.

    Call her, don't text her, and tell her your idea for a place and a time. Don't ask if she likes the place, say that you think it's a good place; if she already knows the place and hates it, she'll say so, otherwise she'll be more interested in whether you can show her a good time. As for the time of day (evening, preferably), well, we all know that has to be flexible. You can't very well insist that she be ready to go at xx:xx on such-and-such day. There's a fine line between being confident and being an asshole.
     
  11. We_Todd

    We_Todd I'm a naughty squirrel.

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    already texted back... :hs:

    but i'll see her tomorrow though.
     
  12. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    :)

    Sir, you are finding out what we all have figured out. That girls are human; they have 24 hours in a day and fuck all to do. If she has no boyfriend she will probally want to date a guy.

    The next step will be kicking yourself in the ass repeatedly for the next couple years for realising the potential of good times you could have had. But remember that if there is no bennifit in regretting the past.

    You will most likley continue dating her and around the 7th date you will feel completely comfortable with her. By the 20th date you will be doing wierd stuff in complete comfort of her presence, or it just isnt gonna work.

    I cannot say do not worry. In fact, I want you to worry. I want you to go through what I went through. Hows that for revoloutionary pychology. I had to grow balls and do what you did, ten years prior but that was because I cheated and used anti anxiety drugs ;)

    Do it naturally. Be nervous, she will feel it. That is positive, fresh vibrations and you are damn right she can feel them and she seems to be liking them. Just dont always be asking her, are you alright, are you okay, are you mad at me... they do not want a confident asshole, just be real and you will be suprised at the amazing things that will form.

    If it does not work out, suck it up and do it again. You are on the track all men have faced and in the end you end up successful, at least with a woman.

    The good thing about this is that you are probally still a virgin (I make no joke, this is a good thing) and this is fresh and beautiful to you. Men that make themselves fornicating whores grow tired of woman and treat them as objects and they end up unhappy in all aspects, that is where you have the advantage, it is like you are freshly born to the world and you are not dull.

    peace be onto you, and enjoy the fruits of life.
     
  13. We_Todd

    We_Todd I'm a naughty squirrel.

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    So, Wed we went out to lunch. Had a good time. chit chat blah blah.

    3 hours later she text me sying she had a good time and says "we need to do this again sometime"

    Thurs @ work, didn't see her much until i left for the day (we work different departments). Just small talk about each other's day and what shitty customer we had.

    So, at this point I still don't know what to do next. She seems friendly but maybe it's just to be nice. I would like to ask her out again but I just don't want it to be awkward where she just agrees to it just to be nice.

    How would I go about this? :hs:
     
  14. johan

    johan Active Member

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    If you're interested, I mean really interested, then step on the gas pedal.

    No more texting and coyness. She will either reciprocate in which case, you're both off and running....or she will withdraw slightly and continue with the politely ambiguous texting and friendly lunching will continue on.

    Either way, you have your answer.

    If you ARE interested, you now have all the information you need for that next step. You don't need six
    months of shy lunches before you "make a move".

    But first things first. Are you really interested? Decide what it is you want from this girl, and proceed on that basis.
     
  15. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Have you tried to kiss her yet?
     
  16. Pimp D

    Pimp D New Member

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    Speaking from the facts that SHE hugged you and SHE told you she had a good time without you asking her, and that she actually went out with you in the first place, you are sitting in a good position. Like everyone else says, your next step would probably be best if you set up something to do at night. The best way would be face to face at work and ask her if she's busy friday or Saturday or whenever. Now if she says just the word "no" then ask her why. Other wise she should give you a reason and/or suggestion for another night. In the other hand if she says yes, then all you need to worry about is where to go and what to wear. Maybe have something planned ahead of time of where you want to go, but just be general about it. Let her have some say-so in where you're going aswell.

    Hope that helps!
     
  17. We_Todd

    We_Todd I'm a naughty squirrel.

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    nope... we've only been on a lunch date... and small talk at work. i think me trying to do that now would be too awkward.

    We both closed today. during day i was kinda busy but whenever i was at the front desk, we chatted about work and what not. when she went to leave she stopped by my dept(which is out of the way from where hte log out clock was), and chatted with me for a while, but i asked her out to dinner and possibly a moovei. she said she'd love to...

    ...so in the near future I'm getting the 2nd date. :big grin:

    thanks for the tips guys :bigthumb:

    will update as appropriate.
     
  18. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You'd better do something like that soon or else she may friendzone you. She needs to know where this is going.
     
  19. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Yeah make a move and fast you don't want to be in the zone. I did time once, it was worse than prison :wtc:. If you find yourself friendzoned though, I suggest running away from the whole thing if you're going to continue to have feelings for her. If you won't have feelings for her, it will be cool to be friends with her. But for now just concentrate on avoiding the zone. In my opinion, your next step should be a night date, and kiss her at the end. That's just me though. Good luck I'm pulling for ya :x:

    If you freeze up or get nervous keep some cliche quote in your head for motivation- "they can't hit if you don't pitch," "you miss 100% of the shots you take" :hsughno: Personally, I use a scene from the movie Collateral if I get locked up aruond the womens.
     
  20. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    If I could interject some advice my mother once gave me (I have strange parents, it seems)...

    - Do things with her that involve doing what you really want. If you want to get her alone, go for a walk. If you want to cuddle in the dark, go to a movie. Etc. The goal is to get her thinking about the thing you want to do, without presenting it directly. That lets her fantasize a little bit and get excited about it.

    - Pursuant to suggestion #1, when you make your move to get a first kiss, don't just lean forward and (try to) kiss her, smile and talk to her, hold her hand in yours, and move closer to her, all while looking straight in her eyes. It's got some kind of hypnotic effect.
     
  21. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    :slap:
     
  22. We_Todd

    We_Todd I'm a naughty squirrel.

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    to the guys that's saing make the move quick or i'll be in the friend zone...

    Well first of i'm not claiming to be a relationship expert or anyting... but i think i have a unique situation here with this unique girl. Seems like we're at a good pace now. I feel definately that this is not a friend vibe that i'm getting from her.

    I've seen her around other people and she just acts differently around them.. like she forcing herself to be friendly. but when i'm with her she's really relaxed and always has this smirk on her face that i like :o

    If i rush this i really feel like i'll F this one up. :hs:
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You feel that way because this land is strange and not too familiar to you.
    You want to tread carefully, and to most, that means "slowly". Wanting to be careful is a reasonable and natural impulse, esp. based on your previous extensive experience.

    So keep that in mind when others tell you that a more useful response is to consistently move things in the direction you want to go.

    Moving confidently and GENTLY forward is not 'effing' it up, it is not rushing it, it is not ruining it. It IS confidently and gently moving things forward.

    Just be honest about what you want, and take steps to make that happen.
    Don't hide behind "oh but SHE'S DIFFERENT"..... or how about "You guys don't know HER"..... etc etc.

    No one's really saying to blatantly rush things (the Diner suggestion notwithstanding) but it is wise to be honest with yourself about what you want, and then to move in that direction.

    And not to hide behind "it's better to take it slow...." that's your fear talking.



    And as far as your natural impulses go, it's reasonable to not want to jump out of a plane either.
    Unless you're going skydiving, in which case, listen to the jump instructor. He's been there a 1000 times.

    this is your plane. good luck
     
  24. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Oh so you are in a unique situation with a unique girl... oh ok. Like none of us ever thought that before... :hsd:
     
  25. We_Todd

    We_Todd I'm a naughty squirrel.

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    I may have read some of the posts wrong then. i thought i read from a post "better do something quick!"

    I'm not taking this at a slow relaxed pace. definately moving forward here in the direction that i want, thanks to all the suggestions you guys/gals gave.

    it really wasn't confortable for me, but you guys reccomended asking for that second date soon... which i did and it worked out...

    so... i have a date in a few days for a dinner and a movie.

    thanks again for all the suggestions and tips.

    again sorry if i came off in my last post as "you guys don't know what the fuck my situation is" , it's not what i meant.

    will update in a few days.
     

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