So I ended my 2 year relationship last night...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Ari1979, Apr 13, 2007.

  1. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    I've never felt so upset and empty in my life. This girl was a huge part of my life and things are so different now without her. I'm really just writing to vent... thanks for reading. :hs:

    Cliffs on our relationship: The first year was great, we were always happy and excited to see eachother. Everything was so new and spontaneous. The second year i started to feel smothered, and controlled. She would get pissed off over stupid (IMO) things and i would feel manipulated by her. To avoid confrontation i began to tell lies to keep things running smoothly. Tension built further in the latter months, often we would only have an enjoyable time together maybe 1 night a week (out of 4+ nights total). This break up was long overdue.

    I still care tremendously for her. I love her even now but this relationship was the root of much of my unhappiness and it had to go. I plan on not speaking with her for quite a few months then playing it by ear. It wouldn't surprise me if we ended up together again, we are so in love but we're both at very different stages in our lives. Right now we want very different things and I simply can't give her the attention she needs.

    I'm crushed but i know this had to be done. How do people get over losing something this huge? I would talk with this girl for hours every day, i would see her almost every day. We shared everything... now she's just gone.

    I've lost a huge part of me.

    Share your long term relationship break up stories, why did things end and how long did it effect you?
     
  2. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Wow. :hug: Jump on board, alayla is going through the same thing.
    People very often try to control someone they feel is slipping away, it of course only pushes them away further.

    Thats why my last LTR (4 years) ended. My bf was a bit older than me, and when i graduated HS and started uni, he got really insecure and thought I would leave him for someone more interesting/educated/wealthy etc. He stopped having a social life so that he could be around me all of the time, when his ended, he began to resent my social life. He tried to seperate me from my friends, would make me feel bad for spending all day at school and then working all night, etc.
    I left because I felt smohtered/controlled etc.
    It ended about a year and a half ago, we havent really spoken since. He was devastated after the break up, and whenever I would see/talk to him he would basically make me feel liek shit for ending it.
     
  3. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    This is exactly what happened with my girlfriend and I. She gave up her all her friends and began to be very smothering, controlling, resentful, and jealous. As much as i love the girl for who she is, her actions have been constantly pushing me away for the past many months. I hadn't been happy in my relationship for a long time and i now feel like a weight has been lifted.
     
  4. kdizzle59

    kdizzle59 New Member

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    well my senior year in high school i ended a four year relationship abruptly. like you, we were both in different stages of our lives. i ended up not talking to her for about 5 months, i was drunk one night and it was her B-day and i called her like an idiot. well i seen her a couple times, went on a couple dates, had sex. but then we both ended up not wanting each other any more. we just felt our time was over. now i occasionally talk to her, like i do with all my exes and i ask how shes doing. but there is no more feelings
     
  5. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    i was in a relationship for 14 months, but the girl was the only one i had feelings for/hooked up with for 18 months. we were closer than i thought i could ever get with anyone. during the summer, i was at her house for 14 hours a day. i spent more time with her family than mine and hung out just with her dad sometimes.

    i broke up with her 3 weeks ago after she kissed a guy at her school (we'd been LDR for 8 months). the fact that she kissed the guy wasn't really the reason i broke up with her though (plus she called me 30 minutes after it happen and told me. i probably wouldn't have found out otherwise). the reason i broke up with her is because i felt like we had been drifting apart for awhile because her attitude toward certain things had changed as well as her interests.

    we haven't spoken since but i'm not mad at her and she isn't mad at me. it wasn't an angry break up and i didn't make her feel like shit. i just said that things obviously weren't right between us and it was time to end it. i told her to take care of herself and we'd figure things out when we see each other next (about 6 weeks after the breakup).

    we'll definitely be friends during the summer and it might turn into something more at some point.

    i became somewhat controlling over the last few months because she was spending a lot of time with a bad crowd of people (she's 19, and the guy who she kissed is a 24 year old college freshman who smokes a bunch of weed). although i didn't tell her what to do, who to hang out with or anything, i did want her to call or text me whenever she got home from a party and sometimes got annoyed by stupid little things she did that signalled she may be changing. we never fought, but lately there's been a tension between us that something wasn't quite right. it wasn't that i didn't trust her, but i just didn't trust the people she was hanging out with. eventually, it appeared that i was right, because the guy (who had been hitting on her for months, knowing she had a boyfriend, and getting rejected) got her really drunk (yes she did put her in that situation) and kissed her.

    i think we were at different stages of are lives/still are. i'm ready to settle down and i think that scared her because she isn't ready for that yet. shortly before we broke up, she said she didn't like that we'd become "too comfortable" with each other lately. i'm still in love with her and i know she's still in love with me. i talked to her roommate (who is a mutual friend) and she said that my ex still wanted to give it a shot during the summer because i mean so much to her, she realized what she lost, etc. also, in the conversation in which i broke up with her, i told her that she could do whatever she wants, but to take my advice and to stay away from the guy she kissed because he's bad news. according to her roommate, she's actually done that and hasn't been a sad, pathetic, vulnerable drunk these past weeks.

    i don't know if i'll take her back though. i think that maybe eventually i will, but not until she's ready for the long term committment that comes with it. i'm not willing to be in a casual relationship with her when i feel so strongly about her. so when she finally grows up, and if we still have feelings for each other, then maybe we'll get together. until then, we'll just remain friends.

    after the breakup, i was an absolute wreck for about a week (couldn't eat, barely slept, cried for hours a day, didn't know what to do with myself). lately i've been better though, because i've gotten more involved in my fraternity and poured myself into my schoolwork. talking to friends, my parents, and people on this board has really helped as well. i still think about her ALL THE TIME (wonder how she's doing, what's going to happen with us, etc.), but it's a different way of thinking about her. rather than thinking about all the things that we'll may never experience together, i just think of the good times we had and hope that i can have that much fun with someone in the future, whether it's her or not. i realize that i just want what's best for her and hope that she's happy, whether with me or not.

    my advice to you is just to keep busy, don't drink too much, don't put pressure on yourself to hookup with anyone/find a new gf for awhile, and hang out with friends in a casual manner. when you feel better (and you will), you'll be able to evaluate your relationship more objectively and see if you ever do want to get back with her, or if you're done with with that part of your life. let things work themselves out and don't let life pass you by because you're moping about the past. there's nothing wrong with still thinking about her (after all you're still in love with the girl) but don't let it control your life and take away from any future experiences you may have.

    good luck, and feel free to pm me if you want to talk about it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2007
  6. xinster

    xinster New Member

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    classic story.


    to OP, this might sound weird, but: Congratulations
     
  7. VinylButterfly

    VinylButterfly In Utero

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    Whilst it may seem like it was the wrong things to do, I feel that it was the right decision to make at the time. You two may in fact get back together, maybe it was the breakup that you needed to help the both of you realise how much you meant to each other and how much the relationship meant, if it means changing a few things so that you will be happy then so be it.

    On the other hand it may still be the right thing if you seperate for good. Love hurts and often a times it can be a real bitch. If you're not happy in the relationship than the best thing you can do is end it. You can still spend a lot of time with her, and you can still love her... as a friend, even a best friend. She can still be a big part of your life, my friends are the biggest part of my life and I love them all.

    Try not to feel too down about it, stay in control of yourself and think things over, but just remember to relax and not think too hard. Go out with your friends and do whatever it is that you need to do to heal. Once your mind is clear, only then can you understand and know what to do with your life and your relationships.
     
  8. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    After reading this thread it sort of hit me again what an incredible amount of work and communication has to go into a a sucessfull relationship.
    you learned from this one, and will do better on the next one.
    We all need practice methinks.
     
  9. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    If you were lying to her all the time to keep things together then you shouldn't be that upset that it's over. That's not a real relationship. A relationship is based on trust and honestly, not lying so that you don't piss someone off. Be glad that it's over and don't ever let another relationship get to the point where you feel like you need to lie to the person.
     
  10. CrAiZ3

    CrAiZ3 New Member

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    I feel for ya man. I am in a very similar situation right now. It sucks ass. The only difference, is that I am done FOR GOOD. There will be no getting back together, no more friendship, no more memories, nothing. It seems nearly impossible to get over. But, just realize that you are better off this way. There will be other girls. Try not to think about her and keep active socially and phisically. It will help keep your mind off of it.
     
  11. slod16

    slod16 New Member

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    Me and my ex of 3 years broke up around a year ago. We have a little 3 year old daughter together. It started getting bad right when the little one was born. I basically got scared and her parents were pushing us to get married. I didn't want to get married just for them. I wanted to, but knew that we had so much going on that it would just be another thing to just make us more tense around each other. She started being controlling and I was stupid and started lying about stupid bullshit, like going out with my friends in such. I didn't think much of it at the time, b/c I didn't want her to think I didn't want to spend time with her. It then started getting a lot worse. I broke up with her then we got back together a month later and things were going good. She broke up with me 2 months later, b/c she thought I was just using her for sex. I had a really big problem with talking to her. For some reason I just couldn't talk with her about how I felt. I kept all my emotions bottled up. We got back together about 3 months later and things were going good until one night I was waiting for her to come home after work. Well after an hour of her being off work she hadn't called or anything. I called her and it just rang and went to voicemail. Well I went up to her work and she wasn't there, but she was at TGI Fridays. I decided to just go back to her house and wait instead of being a psycho and going in and seeing what/who she was with/doing. Then shit hit the fan and we ended it for the final time.

    I still love her more than anyone in this world. I just don't know if I can do it again. I would probably ask her to marry me right this second if I had the chance. I figured out most of our problems were due to my lack of communication and also on her part. It fucking sucks.
     
  12. stolid_agnostic

    stolid_agnostic One who is both stolid and agnostic. Get a diction

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    :werd:

    you always feel emotionally drawn out when it happens and a bit empty since you used that relationship so much to define your existence

    the thing to realize is that as time passes, you'll find a normal routine again and will start to do the sorts of things you used to do as well as pic up on new things since you're now a different person

    eventually you'll be over it and won't look back - it's one of those situations in which you find yourself thinking "why was I so hooked on her to begin with" and "damn, I'm glad I'm done with that shit!"

    so hang in there!
     
  13. low20

    low20 Member

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    give it time...the day after your obviously gonna feel this way...wait a month or so and you might feel differently....i broke up with my gf of 2 yrs thinking it was the best thing to do, i thought it was final for sure..i missed her for a bit but then started to get over her...somehow were back together and things have never been better..going stong for a few months now too....sometimes all u need is a good solid break
     

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